Page 7 of Fake it For Good
“Nah,” he said and ran a hand down his flat stomach. “I can’t hide all this from the ladies.”
“Me either.”
He let out a loud snort. “I thought you gave up on women. I’ve been waiting for you to announce you’re playing for the other team.”
“I have given up,” I said. “I’m not on any team. I’m Switzerland.”
“You’ve got to be all backed up.” He winced as he said the words. “It isn’t natural. Kelly was a one-off. There are plenty of good women out there. Women that don’t want to marry you. Women that would be more than happy to help you clear the pipes, make sure all the right parts are still working.”
“I’m not talking about my sex life with you,” I said with a sigh.
“What sex life?” he questioned. “You don’t have one.”
“And look how good the company is doing,” I replied. “I’m more focused than I have ever been. I don’t need or want the distraction. I just want to keep doing what I’ve been doing. After your last bonus, I would assume you would want me to keep my eyes on the prize.”
“All work and no play makes Cane a very dull boy,” he said.
“We’ll put out an ad in search of a Mrs. Claus,” I declared.
“You can’t just have a Mrs. Claus,” he said with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to say the name again in case I conjure her, but the other one worked because it was the cutesy little fairytale. The handsome rich dude with his pretty wife on his arm. You guys looked like the perfect cheery couple. It was the total package. People envied you guys and thought you were this dynamic duo. You represented the company and that made people want to buy from the brand.”
“Are you suggesting I go out and find a woman to be my—” I waved a hand. “Wife? Girlfriend?”
“It wouldn’t hurt,” he said.
“No.”
“We need—”
I cut him off. “I know. We’ll just have to find a woman to play the role. Not the typical white-haired old lady. Just a normal woman. Pretty preferably.”
“And she’ll be your date?” he questioned.
“Why would she be my date?”
“I was thinking it might be nice to humanize you again,” he said. “You’ve been a cold fish. You show up to events single. You don’t socialize. There is no good or bad press. You’re just this guy that runs a big-ass company and is filthy, stinking rich.”
“I wasn’t aware I was supposed to be anything more,” I replied sarcastically.
“You are. In this day and age, it’s important to have some kind of personality. People need to fall in love with you and your products.”
He wasn’t wrong. I knew that. I wasn’t going to pretend my image wasn’t important. It was sad, but the perfect couple thing had helped launch my business. I showed up and charmed people. Kelly was very good at schmoozing as well. She was all about presenting the happily married couple. People were drawn to that. Investor money poured in and the company took off.
“I don’t have to be romantically involved with her,” I said. “What about someone from within the company? What’s her name, Pam from accounting? She’d make a nice Mrs. Claus.”
“You haven’t seen Pam in a while, have you?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“She’s about eight months pregnant.”
“Oh,” I said. “Yeah, not a good idea.”
“People would have some serious suspicions about Mr. Claus,” he joked.
“Ask around,” I told him. “I trust you to find someone. The right someone. I don’t need a Kelly two point oh. Just a woman that isn’t old, smiles a lot, and will make people laugh while giving them the warm and fuzzies about the business.”
He laughed and jumped up from the couch. “I’m on it. No Kelly wannabes. Hot, fun, and ready to party.”
