Page 105 of Fake it For Good
“You have a funny way of showing it,” she shot back.
“I just started thinking about everything,” I said with a shake of my head. “You were so nervous at that first party. And then you stole the show. You knew just what to say. Everyone loved you. Then when you wanted to talk about your nonprofit, I thought it was a good idea. It was. I started to get in my head about where things were going with us. I knew we only had that last party and it would be over. I didn’t want it to be over, but I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling.”
“When you asked me, I told you things had changed for me,” she said. “You had ample opportunity to do something about it. Instead, you turned on me, Cane. You laid into me like I was some mooch. Someone holding on to your coattails. It was insulting and hurtful. I don’t know what got into you, but I thought you knew me better than that. I thought you trusted me just a little more than that. I have done nothing to make you think that. I asked you if I could talk to some of the people about the nonprofit. You are the one who started most of the conversations. The other night, people came to me. They wanted to know about the orphanage because you had been there. I never tried to steal your thunder. I made sure they all knew just how amazing you were and how much you helped. I talked about your toys and your commitment to quality.”
“I know,” I said. “I know you’ve done some amazing things for me. You launched my image and the reputation of my company into the stratosphere. I’m going to be riding that high for a long time. You deserve all the credit. You also deserve the money you earned. Why didn’t you take it?”
“Because that would cement the belief I used you.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” I said.
“I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. I learned a lesson. I want nothing from you—ever.”
“Please, listen to me,” I said and pulled the car into the parking lot of a pharmacy. I threw it in park and turned in the seat to look at her. “Noelle, I was an asshole. I own that. Kelly found me and filled my head with nonsense. I don’t know why I let her get to me. It was my own insecurities. I let myself believe you weren’t real. You were just too good to be true. Then there was Kelly. Seeing her brought back a lot of memories and old hurts. You didn’t cause those hurts, and I never should have put them on you.”
“No, I didn’t,” she said.
“Noelle, I care about you,” I said. “I have real feelings for you. They terrify me. I’m not going to lie about that. It scares the shit out of me to think I could fall for a woman and go through that again.”
“I’m not Kelly,” she whispered. “I’m nothing like her. I would never do to anyone what she did to you. Why would you think I’m like that? That’s insulting.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. Please give me another chance to prove to you I’m not the man that showed up at that party. I’m not like that. I want to try this thing with the two of us without a contract or a fake engagement. I want it to be us for real. I’ve got flaws. I might screw up again, but there is always one thing you can trust.”
“What’s that?”
“My feelings for you are very real,” I said and looked her directly in the eyes. “I care about you.”
I waited with my heart on my sleeve. She could make or break me with her next words. It sucked to give her all the power, but she needed to know how I felt. The soft purr of the engine was the only sound to be heard. It felt like an hour before she finally spoke.
“I care about you,” she said. “You are a wonderful man. I hate that she still has some control over you.”
“No!” I said and shook my head. “She doesn’t have control over me. I chose to say those things. I chose to let her get in my head. I’m not letting her do it again. She almost got me. I’m not letting her get close enough to fuck with my head again. I’m all in. This is what I want. You and me.”
She smiled, leaned forward, and kissed me before sitting back. “Do you have plans for tonight?”
“No.”
“Then why don’t we go to my place and I’ll put together an overnight bag?” she suggested. “We’ll go back to your place, make some of those cookie drinks, and watch Christmas movies. Tomorrow, you can come with me to the orphanage to make dinner for the kids.”
“I don’t want to crash your party,” I said.
“You’re not crashing the party,” she said. “You’re going to be making it. The kids will be thrilled. Mrs. Drummond will probably be more thrilled than anyone. She really likes you.”
“I’m in,” I said.
I put the car in drive and drove to her place. She threw some stuff into a bag and was about to zip it when I stopped her. “Why don’t you pack enough for a few days?” I suggested. “We’ll do the Christmas dinner with the kids and then we’ll have our own dinner. Why should either of us be alone on the holidays?”
“I’d like that,” she said.
Before making the drive out to my place, we stopped at the grocery store amid the crazy last-minute shoppers. It could have been really stressful and frustrating, but we had fun. She was supposed to be bringing a few pies for the dinner tomorrow. I had been recruited to help her bake the pies. We stocked up on enough groceries to hole up for a week. It started to snow just as we rolled up the driveway.
“Oh no,” she groaned. “If it snows all night, we’ll never make it back to the city.”
“I’ve got the Tahoe,” I told her. “We’ll get there. We’ll get there if I have to hire a helicopter.”
“You’re very sweet.”
“I made a commitment to those kids,” I said. “I intend to follow through.”
