Page 91 of Mistletoe Mistake
Nowhe wanted to talk? After leaving me with no explanation, abandoning me to the fallout he knew was coming, and months of complete silence ever since?
Part of me was tempted to send him away, but I hesitated as I remembered how Cole dealt withhisex at the party. He told me just a couple of days earlier that speaking to her helped to make it clearer to him just how much of their relationship had been built on illusions and who he wanted her to be. Perhaps speaking to Edwin would help me find a similar sort of closure, especially since I would be leaving the country in a matter of days. There was a good chance I would never see him again once I did.
Steeling myself, I invited him in. “I don't have a lot of time, but I can give you a few minutes. Take a seat.”
He exhaled, as if he'd been holding his breath, making it clear he hadn't been sure whether or not I would agree.
Normally, I met with clients at the table in my office, but I wanted to maintain more distance between us than that, so I sat back down at my desk while Edwin sat across from me, his fingers twisting together restlessly.
“I don't really know how to say this,” he started, not looking me quite in the eye. “But I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For all of it.”
Well, that was something, at least. Not much, but something.
“I felt terrible when the show came out and I saw the way people were treating you. I should have said something then, I know that, but I was embarrassed. And you didn't do anything about it. You never responded to anything, or tried to contact me, and I guess I just convinced myself that you really didn't care. I figured I'd meant so little to you that it didn't even bother you.”
Had he really thought that? Or had he convinced himself he did to ease his guilt?
“When we ran into you in Hyde Park a few weeks ago, and you were so calm, I took that as proof that I’d been right the whole time. You'd clearly moved on. I saw all the pictures of you and that American bloke in the papers, and I was happy for you, Gemma, really. I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy.”
Despite my misgivings, I could feel the sincerity of his words. He really did mean that, in the same way that I could have been happy for him and Annabel if the circumstances were different.
“But then I saw you at your father's party,” he continued. “The way you spoke to me and to Bel was the first time I had any idea that the whole thing had affected you in any way. It made me feel awful that perhaps it had been bothering you the whole time when I didn't think it had. So, although I know it's too little, too late, I still just wanted to let you know that I am sorry.”
I knew Edwin well enough to know that losing my temper wouldn't get me anywhere with him, so I kept my tone calm. Faced with confrontation, he would just close himself off completely. “Of course it affected me, Edwin. We might not have been madly in love but I did care for you, and I thought you cared for me too.”
His face twisted into a grimace. “I did care for you, Gemma. I do. But when I met Bel, it was so different. It was wild and exciting, and I let myself get caught up in it, and I made choices that I shouldn't have made. The situation wasn't fair to you, and I see that now. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I thought you should know that if I could change things, I would. I would do it very differently.”
His eyes finally met mine directly, and I could see how difficult he found it to say those words. We had never talked about our feelings that way, but I appreciated him making the effort.
“I also want to apologize for Bel inviting that woman to the party. I didn't know anything about it beforehand, I swear. She only told me afterwards.”
Perhaps I could satisfy my curiosity on that one point, at least. “Why did she invite her? What did she hope to achieve?”
He grimaced again. “It all comes back to the show, I'm afraid. Bel was... disappointed, I guess, when you didn't respond publicly to the whole scandal when the show first aired. I think she wanted it to turn into a big rivalry between the two of you, a storyline that would keep her in the spotlight for a while, but obviously that never happened because you didn't engage. So, when she found out you were seeing someone new, she tried to find a way to get herself involved in that too.”
Complete consternation and disbelief filled me as I listened to him. How could he explain her actions like that, as if there was nothing wrong with them? “You see how messed up that is, don't you?”
He simply shrugged. “I don't agree with everything she does, but I love her. I can't help it. She's it for me.”
That was the first thing he'd said that I could relate to. Now that I had Cole in my life, I finally understood why people did crazy things for love. It didn't make it right, but at least I could begin to understand.
“Anyway, that's all I wanted to say, really.” He gave me a tentative smile. “And I thought today would be the best day to do it.”
My eyes immediately went to the calendar on the wall, and I almost laughed. Of course. We were supposed to be getting married that very day.
I had completely forgotten.
I'd been so wrapped up in thoughts of Cole and the upcoming move and our Christmas together, it hadn't even crossed my mind.
“Well, thank you for coming by,” I told him. “Have a good Christmas.”
He nodded. “You too. Goodbye, Gemma.”
I could hear the finality in that goodbye, and I echoed it with my own. “Goodbye, Edwin.”
As he walked out of my office, a smile spread across my face. Cole had been right. Talking to Edwin only reinforced what I already knew: he'd never been the one for me. Maybe in some alternate reality, Gemma and Edwin were getting married that day, but I was glad I didn’t live in that reality. At that moment, I was exactly where I wanted to be.
~Cole~
