Page 11 of Frost Bitten
My vision turns wavy as I hold back unwilling tears, and I mumble something about having to go help Lily. I need to stop before the flood gates open. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say.
* * *
“Yeah, in the morning. Bye, bitch,” she says, giggling as she hangs up.
The next day passes quickly. After I get to work, I’m so engrossed in the Tuesday morning rush that I barely notice the morning flying by. Making coffees, ringing orders, and serving pastries keeps my mind busy. My short break is spent sipping coffee and resting my feet because the constant flow of people is insane. I immediately have to start restocking the pastry case once I return, as our pastry of the month is already gone. October’s Pumpkin Boo Bees were another hit, constantly running out. Lori thought the bee-shaped soft, cake-like cookies made with honey and decorated like ghosts were incredibly punny, however, I thought most people didn’t catch on. Regardless, they still sold well, and the customers almost always chuckled when ordering. This month’s Nuttin’ Better On Earth pecan brownies are consistently selling out before lunch, causing me to pull double batches for the next day. That’s what I’m doing when Ella surprises me with a hug from behind, and I turn to hug her back. “Girl, I’m so glad to get a hug from you. I missed you. No more days and days without seeing each other, ok? I need my hugs.”
“You got it,” I giggle. We goof off and entertain the customers who stay and enjoy their coffee in the café with our antics. Ella teaches me how to make whipped cream using carbon dioxide cartridges, and that ends horribly with a bottle of sweetened heavy cream exploding on us everywhere. We couldn’t help but laugh hysterically at the giant mess. We are still giggling and cleaning when Lori comes in at one-thirty that afternoon.
“Girls, I don’t know why I schedule you two to work together. You cause the biggest problems, but at least you clean up after yourselves,” she huffs on her way in, shaking her head in amusement. “And you do provide comic relief.” Ella and I glance at each other and then burst out laughing again. I swear, having Ella by my side is a balm to my battered soul. She totally is my partner in crime, and I’m hoping I’ll always have her by my side.
I leave at two p.m. and head home for a thorough shower before I have to go pick up Lily. Mom decided after the break-in that, considering the issues with Jason, Lily shouldn’t be walking to or from school for the foreseeable future. We’ve been taking turns dropping her off, and I’ve had to work with Lori on switching my shifts to work around my school schedule to open or short mid-shifts, sneaking in naps where I can. Thus, as soon as we get home, I head to my room to take a nap; I’ll need it to get through the day. Today’s nap will likely sustain me and strengthen my spirit for the stressful evening ahead, too.
Once I’ve rested for about an hour, I make sure Lily has her homework completed, and then I get started prepping dinner for her and Mom. My stomach is in knots, knowing I’m going to have to spill everything tonight. From the childhood memories that are the cause of my current nightmares, my weird sense of being followed, to the incident at Lily’s school, the break-in, and then all of my feelings about the night at Purgatory. Finally, going over everything that asshole did on Halloween. The anxiety begins to overwhelm me, and I pour myself a glass of wine from the fridge while I make chicken fried rice. I take a deep breath, trying to center my emotions, and slowly let it out again. Peace flows in, stress flows out. I repeat this mantra a few times. The wine begins to help too, but the anxiety still erases the relief I felt earlier today.
Once I have dinner prepped and covered to stay warm, I head to my room to get ready. I throw my hair up into a messy bun and shower again. Scalding hot water helps relax my body, and I stay there until the water runs cold. Even then, I’m numb to the temperature, but a knock on the bathroom door breaks my trance. “Babe?” Ella’s voice calls through the door. “It’s after seven. We’ll need to go soon.”
“Ok. Thanks. I’ll be out shortly.” I turn off the water and mindlessly towel off. I dress in my comfy clothes; leggings and a sweater that hangs off my shoulder and shows off a lacy bralette. I still have bruises on my chest from Jason’s rough handling of me, and I want them to see the evidence, knowing that I’m not making this up. Let them see me without makeup, too. The dark circles under my eyes from the sleepless nights I’ve experienced since. I add fluffy socks and my boots, keeping my feet warm. I’m about to be the most uncomfortable I’ve been in a long time, so the only thing I can do is build my armor of comfort, to prepare for the emotional crash.
SEVEN
CAIT
Ella drove us to Bast’s house, as I knew it would be an emotional night, and I didn’t need to drive distracted. Wrapped up in my comfy armor, with my best friend by my side, I feel only slightly prepared. Going into this night, not knowing how it will go, has me on edge. I take a deep breath as Ella pulls into the St. Claires’ driveway, close my eyes in an effort to steel my nerves, and let out my breath on a shaky exhalation. My head tilts slightly as I inhale once more, and once Ella parks the car, she turns the ignition off and shifts to look at me.
“Babe, you don’t have to do this,” she says with a worried undertone in her voice. “You don’t owe them anything after what they did.”
“You’re right, Els, but think of this as part of my healing process. I need to confront them, need to explain my past and what that means for my future. Besides, Bast seemed pretty adamant that they needed to know so they fully grasped what they needed to apologize for, prior to any actual apology. I respect that. If I want an apology from them, they need to understand the gravity of what their actions did. That’s the only way I’ll be able to respect and accept an apology from any of them.”
“Alright, well, it’s time,” she said. “I’ll stay right by your side the whole night. Do you want a code word? Like, if you need a moment or to escape?”
“No, I’ll be fine. If I end up needing a moment, I’ll voice it so they know too.” One more deep breath, fuck this will be hard. Alright, let’s do this. Dr. Bayird would be proud of me.
I open the door and exit Ella’s car. She joins me, and we walk up the stairs of the grand entrance together, because Bast’s parents have a house big enough for a grand entrance.Insert eye roll here.I’m not judging them for their money that they worked hard for, I just don’t understand huge, grandiose entrances. As we approach the door, it opens, and we are greeted by a butler I didn’t know the St. Claires’ employed. “Good evening, ladies. My name is Jean-Paul.Bienvenue Manoir St. Claire,” the slightly older gentleman said with a noticeable accent, dressed in a proper suit. “I will escort you to the dining room where Maître Sebastien and the other guests are already waiting. If you would follow me,s'il vous plaît,” he asks after closing the door behind us and leading us through the obnoxiously large foyer. Ella is all eyes, and to be honest, I am too since I’ve never seen the inside of the main house, only the lounge on the lower level. She is slowly hobbling along and looking at everything in sight, from the fancy sofas and huge stone fireplace in the formal sitting room just to the left of the foyer to the double staircase that encircles a little lobby area.
Jean-Paul leads us through the lobby, and just beyond that is the formal dining room, where he directs us to the two empty seats at the table. All four of the men currently in the room stand as we approach, all looking nervous. Sebastien, at least, approaches me, reaching for my hand to lift it to his lips. Heat floods my body, and I look apprehensively at the show of affection. As he lowers my hand, he looks into my eyes and leans in for a gentle embrace. “Thank you for this chance,” he whispers in my ear before he turns to pull out my chair and assists me to the table. Jean-Paul has already assisted Ella into her seat, and I know she’s impressed at the show of extravagance and value at our arrival. She knows these boys will be on their best behavior for me, or at least three of them will.
As I take in the room, I find Cam standing emotionless by his chair. He doesn’t appear apathetic, however, he’s purposefully avoiding my gaze. Dom, Corey, and Bast all stare with an expression of fear and sadness. Like they want to run and beg for my forgiveness, but yet they don’t want to trigger me. That fear that I’m a bomb about to blow everything up. Corey can’t seem to keep his eyes from tearing up, anddammit, I’m not going to let him just start crying and his words of remorse make it all better. He needs to make an effort to communicate with me as to why he allowed me to be abandoned.
As soon as I catch Cam’s gaze, he drops his eyes to stare at the glass of bourbon on the table in front of him. I imagine he’s been keeping a bottle close, knowing he’s the one ultimately responsible. Dominic, however, meets my glare as I focus on him. Guilt shines through his light blue eyes, making them appear not as bright as I’ve seen in the past. Raising an eyebrow, I take in the dark circles under his eyes and know that he’s been suffering for being the one that should’ve stopped it all.Good.
Everyone takes their seats, and the meal is promptly served. Ms. Sally, the chef that the St. Claires employ, went all out with a Mediterranean menu. The mixed salad with grilled chicken covered in a balsamic glaze is absolutely delicious. While the food tastes fantastic, the atmosphere and conversation are lacking. The uneasiness in the room is palpable, the guys barely talking. The heaviness in the air overshadows the incredible baklava that Ms. Sally made, the aromatic honey and pistachio complementing the crisp and airy layers.
I push through the entire meal with my head held high, not minding the lack of conversation. Light music flows into the dining room from somewhere in the hall, but it does nothing to negate the silence from everyone else in the room. A morose, oppressive mood hangs in the air like a sea fog rolling in off the open water. I wasn’t at fault so I’m not going to act like any of this weirdness affects me. I just go on with my meal and enjoy my food. When I finally set my fork down, Bast clears his throat. “Um, I know I invited you here to say whatever you want. Do you want to do this here? Or would you prefer to move to a more private area? I have a more comfortable place we can go, if you want?”
I think quietly, for just a moment, but then I decide it might be better to have a more private area. “Let’s go somewhere else, please.”
We all stand, and Bast leads us out of the dining room and up the double staircase to the second floor. Ella takes her time moving up the staircase, but she manages with very little grumbling. We make a turn down a hallway, and soon we are welcomed into a cozy sitting area. “This hangout area is solely meant for Nicole and me,” he says solemnly. “This is our wing of the house, no one comes up here. Oh,” he says as he spins back to me, “and just so you know, she’s not here. She had some cheerleading team bonding thing tonight, and she won’t be home till close to midnight.”
I look around, finding a sofa and love seat combo, plus an oversized chair, and several double-sized beanbags. I head to the love seat, grabbing a cozy, microsuede blanket to wrap myself in. I can feel the chill of the foreboding conversation looming, and the need to comfort myself is overwhelming. Ella quickly moves in beside me, standing guard, and not letting anyone else get too close, at least not just yet.
Bast moves to sit on the sofa, at the end closest to me. Dominic sits on the other end, while Corey drags one of the giant, double-sized bean bags over. He doesn’t flop into it; instead, he leans it upright against the bookshelves, careful to not damage any books. He then sits in it like a regular chair, hanging his head into his hands, elbows braced on his knees. Cam haunts the outside edge of the room, pacing around the pool table on the far end two or three times before he turns to the wet bar and pours himself a glass of bourbon. He slinks through the shadows of the room to stand by the doorway, and I don’t know if he’s guarding my privacy, or preparing to run from the overbearing conversation.Probably the latter,I think to myself, and a smirk tempts the corners of my mouth.
“Alright. Well, I guess I need to start. I will definitely tell you all what happened last week, but I feel I need to tell you more about my life, from the very beginning, for you to fully understand. I know I told Corey some of this,” I say, glancing in his direction for continuing, “butmostof this is or would have been common knowledge. I recently discovered some things, and I will explain them along the way.”
“My father and mother were totally in love. They never divorced. My father was Killed In Action in Afghanistan in 2004 when I was about sixteen months old. My mother was heartbroken. I never thought she would meet someone who would live up to the love she felt for my father. It turns out, though, that she met my stepfather when I was eight. Just after I turned nine, they were married, and it wasn’t long after that that my mother became pregnant. Camilla, or as I call her, Lily, was born when I was ten.”
“During the entire relationship my mother had with Jason Sanders, she was oblivious to the fact that he was grooming me. Here and there, Jason began to touch me more, hands on my shoulders, stuff like that. I, of course, didn’t know any better. I thought this was what fathers did; Mom always cuddled me and was very affectionate. I just couldn’t tell the difference at the time. Mom and I had a weird conversation one day after the break-in. She explained that just prior to the Christmas before I turned fifteen, she clued in a little better. She began to notice him pulling me down to sit in his lap a little too much, and that he was excessively touching me. She said there were other things, but she didn’t want to go into them, considering they had no relevance now. That’s when she decided to get us away from him, and it took some planning. It was just after New Year’s when she ended up kicking him out and packing us up to live on the road.”
