Page 50 of Frost Bitten
All too quickly, Bast unwinds his arms and steps back to stand with Corey and Dom. The three men standing on the porch watching me leave have all made an impression on me lately. I can’t help but think my life is about to get much more complicated.
I take my seat, and Cam pulls down the driveway, taking the roads down the mountain carefully as the weather has warmed slightly, allowing some of the snow to melt. By the time we are entering the highway east toward the Denver Metro area, I’m fidgeting uncomfortably in the silence. The scenery is absolutely beautiful, however, the atmosphere inside the car is slightly more frigid than outside.
Even with the heat blasting throughout the car’s cabin, I’m still getting a cold vibe from Cam, and I’m not sure why. Forty-five minutes later, I can’t help it. “Are you mad at me?” I ask, turning toward him in my seat.
He glances sideways at me, his right hand perched on the steering wheel as he props his left elbow up on his door. I squint ever so slightly as I notice his hand come up and rub his neck. Do I make him nervous? That’s what he said about rubbing his neck – the tattoo on that side is his calming spot.
“No.”
My reaction must be priceless because I’m so not amused at his response or lack thereof. “Cameron,” I begin, taking a breath, “I’m sorry this seems to be so difficult for you. I didn’t expect you to volunteer to bring me home. But I’m also not doing anything wrong here. If I haven’t disrespected you, then why are you being so cold toward me? Is it because I’m dating Corey and Bast? I mean, Dom is showing interest too, now, so I can totally understand possibly being overwhelmed with them all being into me –”
“I don’t know what to do,” he says softly, interrupting my rambling.
“I’m sorry?” Hearing him speak softly, especially around me, is not what I’m used to.
“Cait, I’m struggling so fucking much with this whole situation. I’ve fucked things up with you so hard, but god, I’ve been hung up over you since that very first day almost four months ago. Yes, it’s been sixteen weeks since Corey and I ran into you and your family outside of Lift. I’ve counted every single day. At first, it pissed me off that I couldn’t stop thinking about how bright and glowing you were that summer day. Then Corey ran into you again, and everything went to shit. I’ve been hurt in the past. The guys haven’t had a steady girlfriend since then, and neither have I, specifically because of that past situation. I was just worried that you would end up fucking us over by breaking their – our hearts. We don’t have the ability to not focus anymore when it comes to our jobs. This is likely one of our last chances to make some waves in the industry before we have to rely on our jobs at Plein Air, and while I love my job there, I love snowboarding ten times more. I just can’t risk losing focus, and the other guys are in the same position as me.”
“When you waltzed into our lives, you threw me for a loop. The guys all fell hard. Bast tried to deny it, but I knew by that day in his pool, he was a goner. Dom took longer, but I noticed him acting differently the night of the bonfire.”
“It wasn’t long after that when Corey started suggesting that you could be something for all of us. I wanted to believe him, but after the last chick we all were with, I’ve become extremely cynical. I know I have. That’s mostly why I haven’t seriously dated anyone since. That chick, Randi, tore me up inside. I don’t love easily, considering I haven’t been able to rely on many people in my life. Right as I opened up to her, she turned and slowly started asking us each for things. She’d ask me for a new dress to wear out, or Bast for some earrings. When she went to Corey for a plane ticket to LA, and he couldn’t afford it because he was helping his dad, he came to me. Immediately, I saw what was happening. I called a family meeting, blocked her number from all their phones, called her, and broke up with her right then and there. I shut down all my emotions and haven’t trusted anyone since. As I said, I’ve become self-reliant in my life, and I decided women just weren’t worth the hassle.”
“But you… You’ve been selfless, trying to protect all of us from your past. I didn’t realize it then, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to apologize enough for driving you away. But I’ve never seen anyone treat all of my friends like kings. They don’t deserve it, by the way, but I’m one to talk,” he finishes with a sigh.
I sit for a moment, reflecting on just how much damage Cam has suffered at the hand of this woman. I bet his mom dying had a lot to do with it. Knowing Cam, his dad is just as stoic and dedicated to his job as his son, so he likely never remarried. That explains the lack of love from a woman figure for Cam.
“You want to protect your brothers, I get that. I just wish you’d have gotten to know me, like, actually have a conversation with me beyond the one about your tattoos. By the way, I’m still waiting to finish that conversation,” I joke.
Luckily, my humor hits the mark, and the mood in the car lightens a bit as he chuckles.
“Ok, then. Tell me about yourself, Cait Monroe. And not the shit you’ve already told us. I need secrets…”
The air vacuumed from the car as Cam’s eyes bulge wide. “Not those secrets, I mean, I meant just… I want to know who you are as a person, what you like, etcetera.”
I giggle at his shocked and almost fearful expression. “It’s ok, I know what you mean. I like reading, as it was something that I could do for hours in the travel trailer we had. It didn’t require a lot of space, and my imagination has always been vivid, so it took me to so many places. I’m so glad that Lily was potty-trained before we went on the road, though, because I can’t imagine keeping dirty diapers in a small trailer.” We both share a laugh at the disgusting thought before the conversation goes quiet for a bit. We sit in comfortable silence this time until he turns on the sound system. After three or four songs, I get curious.
“What about you?” I ask. “What do you like?”
“I like snowboarding, of course. I play pool sometimes; I don’t know… I just like hanging with the guys for the company when I’m not working or training. I’m pretty boring, I guess.”
“Cam, you’re not boring. If you were boring, I wouldn’t have realized we’re almost back already. This trip definitely didn’t seem as long as I thought it would be. We’ve had our differences, but I think we’ve crossed the bridge and are working our way toward friendship.”
“Good,” he says as he pulls up to the parking lot. “I’d like that. Did you need help with your bags?” Shifting the car into park, he moves to unbuckle his seatbelt.
“No, it’s ok. It’s only the one in the backseat.” I step out to collect my small rolling suitcase and set it on the curb, and then turn back to grab my backpack and purse. I haul my backpack on, and as I grab my purse, I leave him with a few final thoughts.
“Cam, I know things are strained between us right now, but I want to let you know. Your opening up to me is slowly working to regain my trust. You have a ways to go, and while I was initially attracted to you, too, I feel we’ve lost a lot of ground. I am looking forward to making that up.”
“Thanks for the ride and have sweet dreams tonight. I can totally say I’ve had sweet dreams of you,” I say with a smirk and a wink before I turn, grab my suitcase, and saunter away. That little nugget I dropped totally detonated his brain, and I know his eyes are glued to my retreating form. I wanted him to know that I was interested in him and while I am dating his friends, if they are all ok with it, then I’m interested in including him, too. That is, if he can ever learn to open up completely and trust me. And if I can ever fully trust him.
TWENTY-TWO
CAIT
The days following the trip with the guys pass quickly between struggling to get back into the swing of things at school and hanging out with all of them. School is tough, and I feel like I can’t pick up where September left off. Two months later, I’m slowly and miserably falling behind with my grades. Both classes I’m in have slipped below my previous grade point average, and I’m worried I’ll be failing the final exams. Ash and I have studied several times a week, but I can’t seem to pull it all together. With final exams this week, we’ve met every single moment that I’m not actually working, including Ash coming to my apartment to study while I’m home with Lily.
I’ve also continuously lost sleep over this “Jason” issue. I have just about three weeks till Christmas, and then a week till New Year. Given that, I have four weeks to line things up. Worst-case scenario, I’ll tell Mom I want to go back to Florida and live with Rebel. I loved Florida, and I bet surfing is similar to snowboarding, but without the risk of falling off the side of a mountain. Or, at least, I could tell her that. I’m still struggling with nightmares when I sleep alone, but I’ve been staying with Corey and Sebastien a couple of nights a week, and that’s been a reprieve.
By the time I’m exiting my last final exam, I’m completely exhausted. Corey messaged me “good luck” while I was in the exam – so thankful for thedo not disturbsetting on my phone – and invited me over to Sebastien’s house when I got done. He said he was going for a run at the park, but he wouldn’t be much longer than an hour and should be back soon.
