Page 25 of Lovestruck
“When we took things further, I was the one who was terrified of telling you.” I look Sawyer in the eyes. “I know how protective you are and I knew I wouldn’t measure up to your impossible standards. No one ever could. But even that wouldn’t have stopped me from falling for her once she let me in her heart.”
“So, you lied at the galabecause?” Beckett asks quietly. I turn to him, relieved he’s the one who asked the hardest question.
“Because I let my anxiety take over. Because I’m falling in love with Kat. No, fuck that, Iamin love with Kat. She knows about my anxiety and she didn’t walk away from me; she stood beside me. And I’m ashamed to admit, I let her strength feed my insecurity instead of tame it.”
“Well that was dumb,” Sawyer barks out. I wince at his choice of words, my gaze dropping down again. I don’t see who smacks him, but I hear a muffledthunkand his muttered “ow.”
“Yeah, it was,” I say, forcing strength into my voice. Kat deserves nothing less from me. If I can’t get through this without melting into an anxious puddle, what hope do I have of getting her to forgive me? “It was dumb. But it happened and now I’m here, in front of all of you, trying to make it right. Because I want her back and proving to you that I deserve her is part of that. So how about you cut me a little bit of slack, Donnelly?”
“Finally,” Leo mutters, and I cut my gaze to him, confused. His lips turn up slightly. “I’ve been waiting for you to realize that what we need to hear from you, see from you, is that you’re man enough to stand up to these fuckers.” He gestures to his cousins. “Because your anxiety is only a part of who you are. It doesn’t make you weak. But not standing up for the woman you love, would.”
“I resent being lumped in with my idiotic twin,” Beckett says mildly, “But Leo’s right. I don’t care that you have anxiety or a learning disability. I only care that you’re man enough to stand up for Kat, for what makes her happy.”
I blink slowly, unsure how this shift in the direction of our conversation happened. “How do you know I’m what makes her happy?” I ask hoarsely.
It’s Max who answers, “We don’t. Not really. But we’re not blind, Hunter. We’ve all seen the way you two have danced around each other for a long time. And we all saw how devastated she was the night of the gala. It’s not hard to put two and two together.”
“Speak for yourself. I had no idea they liked each other,” Sawyer grumbles, but he’s softening, I think.
“Then you’re the one who’s being dumb,” Max fires back. “I only have one question left, Hunter.”
I sit up straight. “I’ll answer anything except questions about my relationship with Kat. That’s between her and I.”
Max’s eyebrows raise, but in respect, not criticism. “Good response. But that wasn’t what I was going to ask. I have zero desire to hear about my sister’s love life. All I want to know is, what are you going to do to fix this with her?”
Turns out, Kat’s brothers are good guys once you earn their trust and forgiveness. They had plenty of ideas on how to win her back, but in the end, I realized Kat doesn’t need grand gestures. She needs honesty, transparency, and vulnerability.
Which is why I’m standing on her doorstep, feeling steadier than I have in days. She might not forgive me, but at least I know I’m doing what’s right.
When she opens the door, it takes everything I have not to pull her into my arms. God, she’s beautiful, even with the dark circles under her eyes and her messy hair. Knowing I was the cause of her not sleeping and hurting stabs me in the heart, and strengthens my resolve to fix this.
“Hey, Kitty Kat,” I say softly. “Can we talk?”
She nods, still not saying a word. Her silence is killing me, but I take the chance she gives me, following her into her house. When I see the mirror in her front hall, my heart fills with love. Yeah,love.If things go well, I’m gonna tell her that.
Kat leans against the back of her couch, clutching her hands in front of her. Respecting her need for some space between us, I rest my shoulders against the wall opposite from her.
“I talked to your brothers this morning,” I start, shoving my hands in my pockets. Facing them down was hard, but this is harder. “I apologized for lying and explained things to them. But not everything. Because they’re not the ones who deserve to hear that, you are.”
Audrey and I practiced this. Telling Kat about Becky, the bullies in school, nearly flunking out, and how all of that destroyed my self-esteem. How it all made me hide behind my armour of humour and charm. Not even my parents know everything. Kat will be the second person ever to know the full depth of pain I’ve experienced.
“In high school — before I knew the reason I felt like I couldn’t breathe before tests, like the walls were caving in, was due to an undiagnosed learning disability and out-of-control anxiety — there was a girl.”
Kat’s eyes flutter closed. When she opens them, the hurt that was there only a second ago is replaced with compassion. She nods, gesturing at me to continue, so I do.
I tell her everything. About Becky, my anxiety, the medication I take, the therapy I’ll probably always need. All of it.
And when I’m done, a weight I didn’t even know I carried for all these years is lifted from my shoulders. I feel light and I know, without a doubt, I’ll always be a better man because of this moment. Because of her.
There’s a heavy silence when I stop talking. Then Kat pushes off the couch and comes to stand in front of me. Slowly, hesitantly, her hand lifts and she brings it to rest lightly on my chest. That simple touch sends heat searing through my body.
“I knew something must have happened to you to make it so hard for you to trust anyone with your heart. I’m sorry she made you think you weren’t good enough. And I’m so sorry I didn’t see your actions for what they were. I shouldn’t have run from you.” Her face is swimming with remorse and understanding. But the fact she feels guilty is not okay.
“No, Kitty Kat. You have nothing to be sorry for.” I lift my hand up to cup her cheek, but she shakes her head and steps back.
“Well, too bad because I am sorry.” She folds her arms over her chest and stares at me, pain in her beautiful eyes. Pain for me, not because of me. “I shouldn’t have pushed so hard for us to tell everyone before you were ready. If I’d given you more time, if we had longer to build our own connection and trust, maybe none of this would have happened.”
I sigh, the sound laced with regret. “It wouldn’t have mattered how long we waited. I was so fucked up when it came to how I thought I measured up against you, I don’t know if I would have ever been ready. I’m the only one who should be apologizing.”
