Page 58 of Then and Now
I draw a hot bath, light some candles, and sink down into my tub to start reading.
And I don’t stop until the water is cold and my skin is turning prune-y. Because goddamnit, Paige was right. It’s as if I’m reading my own life story, in a way. And I’m desperate to see how it works out.
The other thing my genius friend was right about is the way romance novels teach forgiveness. Not being a doormat, but a true, authentic understanding of when you are standing in your own way.
Just like I am right now with Leo.
I towel off quickly, throw on my pajamas, and walk out to my kitchen, barely taking my eyes off the pages in front of me. The main couple, Georgia and Holden, have just had a conversation that echoes so much of what Leo and I talked about at the hot springs. The difference is, Georgia isn’t walking away like I did. She’s there, listening to him. Communicating like a freaking grownup. Working through their differences.
God, I’m such an idiot.
The vibration from my phone on the counter is an irritation I want to ignore, so I do. Until it starts up a second time, and I grab it without looking, annoyed and fully prepared to tell whoever it is to stop calling.
“Serena?”
That voice.
The book falls from my hands to the floor, forgotten the instant I hear his voice.
Even knowing this moment would come, courtesy of my mother’s call, didn’t really prepare me for it.
“Dad?” I choke out, somehow making my way over to my couch and sinking down.
“Hi, princess.”
Oh God. I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I ever will be. “What…what do you want?”
I can hear him take a deep breath in. “Did your mother tell you I’d be calling?”
“Yes.” I purposefully don’t say anymore. I need to hear it from him, why he left, why he disappeared.
“Okay. Right. Wow, you’d think I’d be more ready for this.” A pained chuckle comes down the line. “I’ve been thinking of calling you, planning it for months. Heck, years. And now I’ve got you on the phone and my mind is blank.”
I stay silent, not giving him an inch.
“I guess I’ll start with an apology. I owe you several, really. I had to leave back when I did, honey, trust me. It was for the best. But I never meant to stay away as long as I did.”
“Then why did you?” I blurt out, unable to hold back.
“Oh, princess. I…I was having problems. Personal ones. I want to tell you everything, Serena, but this is hard for me. To admit that I failed you and your mom so badly.” Another loud sigh. I bite my lip, letting the pain from that overshadow a scrap of the pain in my heart. “Can I see you? I need to explain everything in person. Please, honey. I’ll come to you, wherever you want. Your mom said you’re on Vancouver Island now, and I can be there in a couple of days. Just say you’ll see me, please.”
“I don’t know if I can see you,” I whisper. “You left me. Your daughter. You walked away and you didn’t look back. What could you possibly say that would allow me to be okay with that?” Tears are streaming down my face openly now. My free hand twists the front of my sweater into a knot, squeezing it, needing something to hold on to.
“I had to do what your mother and I both thought was best for you. That’s the only reason I left, princess. I swear to you. I know I should have reached out sooner, but I was so scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Of failing you again. Look, I know this all sounds so cryptic, and you have no reason to forgive me, but just hear me out. Can you do that one thing for me? Please.”
Something about his broken voice weakens my resolve. That and my mom’s words when she first mentioned he might call —I think you need this.
“Fine. I’ll meet with you.”
When I hang up after confirming his plan to come to town early next week, I feel raw inside. Like someone has taken my heart and scraped away the scars from my past, leaving exposed the damaged pieces. I know eventually they’ll heal and this call was the first step.
But can I really handle what comes next?
Not alone.
