Page 65 of The Devil's Reward
His arm shifts, and buries his hand in my hair. Slowly, he weaves his fingers through the long strands, and tilts my head back enough to look into my eyes. “You’re too good for me, Quinn,” he whispers. I don’t say anything, just look at him.”But I can’t let you go.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to,” I murmur back.
“Even if it’s not the right decision?”
“Who says it’s not the right decision?” I return gently.
He’s quiet for a long time. Then he finally whispers, “You know what bothers me so much? What would have happened if he decided to go after you instead? I wouldn’t have been there to save you. To help you get out of the crash. I’d have been blissfully unaware, and I know if you or Macy had been hurt, I would have lost it.”
My heart pounds at the thought, but I force myself to be calm. I need to be calm for Shadow. “It didn’t happen,” I soothe. “We’re here and we’re safe. It would be better if no one had been hurt, but we can’t live with what-ifs. We’ve done that, you and I, in the past with everything that happened to us individually, and it never does any good. What if I had been a better wife to Bobby? Would he have loved Macy the way a father should have? Would he have so easily betrayed his country? I can’t answer those questions. But I don’t need to either.You can’t live in the past, Shadow, or it’s going to eat you alive.”
He’s quiet, absorbing my words. “You’re awfully wise,” he mutters. I give a soft chuckle. “Thank you, Quinn,” he adds softly, holding my gaze. “You have no idea how much I need this. Needyou.”
I hold his gaze and I realize something quickly. I could fall in love with this man. I barely know anything about him. I’ve met his friends. I’ve seen him with my daughter. I’ve seen him angry, broken, and scared, and I want to make it better. I want to be the one to comfort him when he needs it. To be the shoulder supports the weight of whatever he’s carrying. It frightens me, but it also excites me. I never felt this way with Bobby, or my first boyfriend. It was exciting, but it wasn’t consuming. Not like this. Not with Shadow.
Maybe a broken heart knows another one when they see it, but I know one thing. Shadow belongs in this bed with me, and it’s my turn to protect him from the shadows and demons of his past. Because something tells me that he would fight all of mine for me.
So I don’t answer him with words. Instead, I lean forward and press my mouth to his, letting him feel them instead.
THIRTY-FOUR
SHADOW
She’s my light in the darkness, and no matter what happens, I know I’m always going to be searching for her.
I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be in this bed, with Quinn, holding on to her like I can never let her go. I should be at the hospital, waiting with my friends, my family, for news on Bullet, Rose, and Sage. It’s selfish of me, but I can’t go back. I’ll lose myself if I do. I’ll lose myself to the memories, to the pain, and then I’ll be no good to anyone.
My brothers will understand, but the guilt eats at me. I’m here with a woman, kissing her like my life depends on it, instead of being there. But I can’t leave. My body, my heart, and my mind won’t let me leave this bed. Leave her. Because I need her. I need her with everything inside me.
I don’t care that she looks like Sam. I don’t care that she has her own broken past. I only care that she’s safe, she’s unhurt, and she’s mine. Because that’s what she is. Mine. Had she turned me away tonight, told me to go and calm down, or offered sympathy and nothing more, that would be the end of us before we even got started.
So I’m going to be selfish. I’m going to hold Quinn, taste her, feel her against me, and let her help mend some of the broken pieces inside me. Just for tonight. Then I’ll get back to work on finding our mole. On taking down Dmitri and his men. Tonight, I need Quinn and the light only she can bring.
Her mouth is gentle on mine, like she’s worried she might push me too far. But it’s not far enough. Not enough to soothe the emotions swirling between us, but I don’t want to scare her, or hurt her in any way. So I let her set the pace, let her lead and keep myself under control.
She tastes sweet and pure, her lips almost shy as they move over mine. Her breathy sigh when I tease my tongue over her lower lip tells me she’s enjoying this. Enjoying our kisses. She opens her mouth and I sweep inside, tangling my tongue with hers as I deepen the kiss, one of my hands gripping her head tighter, while the other pulls her against me, letting her feel the heat of my body, and the hardness of my cock against her belly.
She lets out a gasp at the contact, but she doesn’t push me away. Instead, she kisses me back, then relaxes, ceding control to me. It’s heady. It’s powerful. It’s addicting. And I want more.
Carefully, I roll her over, my mouth never leaving hers as I ease on top of her, letting her feel my weight, feel all of me. She freezes for a moment, and I immediately pull away. I look down at her, but I don’t say anything, reading her face. She stares at me, green eyes glittering in the darkness of the room, but I don’t see fear. I see worry, but not fear. “Do you want me to stop, Quinn?” I ask her softly. “Because I will and we can sleep. I don’t want to pressure you.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a man in my bed, Shadow,” she whispers. “Just be patient with me.”
“I have all the patience in the world for you, gorgeous,” I murmur. “We don’t need to do anything more than we’re doing now. But I think I’ll go crazy if I can’t kiss you again.”
Her face is pink, but she smiles softly. “Can’t have that now, can we?” she murmurs, and then she wraps her arms around my back and I don’t waste any time in lowering myself over her, bracing one arm beside her, and taking her mouth again.
This kiss is more passionate, though I don’t know if that’s because of her or me. All I know is that she lines up perfectly with me, and her hands are moving over my back, tracing it, nails lightly skimming, and it’s driving me crazy. It’s an innocent touch, but one that heats a fire under my skin with each stroke.
I bring my hand up to trace along her sides, smoothing over the swell of her hip and down her thigh. Her breath hitches as I move them back up, this time, moving under her shirt to trace along the soft skin there. It’s smooth under my hand, and I love the feel of each curve and dip. My cock throbs in my boxers, and the way she shifts under the attention of my hand doesn’t calm it. It only throws more fuel on the fire.
I don’t rush her, but I smooth my fingers along the outer swell of her breasts, and she twitches slightly under my touch. She gives a soft moan, and I take it as encouragement as I move my hand to cup her right breast, my thumb swirling over her peaked nipple. She moans louder this time, into my mouth, arching into my hand.
I gently tug on the peak, and she yanks her mouth away from mine, her breathing heavy as she stares at me. I watch her as I roll her nipple, teasing her and making her body arch into mine. Her face flushes darker, her eyes glaze over, and lips part as she sucks in her breath. Pleasure covers her face, so I know she’s not frightened. I pull away and she whimpers slightly, a smile pulling at my lips in response. She likes that I’m playing with her, and I want to see just how far she’ll let me go.
“I need this shirt off, gorgeous, so I can taste you,” I murmur to her. She hesitates for only a moment before she nods and lifts up enough so that I can pull it off. Vulnerability shows on her face, and I know this is a big step for her. I throw the shirt aside, and look down at her. I can barely make her out, but there’s enough light for me to know that she’s beautiful.
Her breasts are a good handful, with dark pink nipples that are hard from my attention. Her stomach is soft, with a gentle swell and some faded stretch marks. I have never seen anything more beautiful. So I tell her that. “You’re perfect, Quinn,” I tell her, lowering myself to press a kiss over her heart. She makes a small noise in her throat, but doesn’t push me away. “And I need to taste you.”
