Page 63 of The Devil's Reward
But I don’t go to the hospital. Instead, I turn at the next intersection and keep on driving.
THIRTY-THREE
QUINN
It’s my turn to protect him from the shadows and demons of his past.
“Mom, when are we going to see Shadow again?” Macy asks sleepily as I tuck her in. I’m surprised she lasted this long after such a busy, fun-filled day. I imagine she’ll sleep like the dead tonight and into tomorrow.
“I don’t know, honey,” I say softly, brushing my hand over her hair. “Do you want to see him again?”
“Yeah,” she whispers. “He’s nice.” Her lids start to droop. “I don’t know my Daddy, but I’m okay if I have a new one,” she murmurs, making me freeze. Then she’s out, and I’m standing here, dumbfounded.
Such innocent words from a child, but so heavy. I lean down and brush a light kiss over her forehead, then move out of the room, shutting the door behind me quietly. I walk down the stairs and take a deep breath. I should call my mother and sister, who have already sent me all kinds of messages asking how the date went, but I don’t feel like answering. Not yet.
I sit on the couch and stare blankly at the TV that is quietly playing some cooking show. My heart is confused, but at the same time, hopeful. I had a good time with Shadow tonight, and even with all the interruptions, he didn’t throw a fit. He was annoyed, sure, but he never took it out on me or Macy. In fact, he was far better with Macy than I could have ever hoped. Answering every question as much as he could, and instinctively knowing when to pass them to me.
I couldn’t have asked for a better date with a man I know so little about. Still, my mind is warning me not to jump the gun. One date doesn’t mean forever. The real test will come when Macy is throwing the mother of all tantrums, screaming and yelling when she doesn’t get her way, or when she’s overtired and cranky as hell. The good days are fine, but the true test is the bad ones.
But how can he see those if we don’t see each other?
I can’t lie that I’m disappointed he hasn’t messaged me yet, but I know he’s a busy man, so he could just be working or something.
My phone buzzes and I see it’s a text from the family group chat. I don’t look at it. I need to figure out what I want first before I start bringing them into it. I don’t need more pressure.
A sharp knock on the door startles me, and I let out a soft gasp at the sound. I get up carefully and peek out the curtain, then freeze when I see the man standing there. Then I rush to unlock and open the door, stilling when I get a good look at him. “Shadow?” I whisper, unsure. The look in his eyes is dark and heavy, so full of emotions that I can’t name them all, but I can feel them rolling off of him. His face is hard, cold, but I’m not afraid of him. I don’t ask him anything, I just step back and wave him inside.
“I shouldn’t be here,” he rasps out, stopping just inside the door as I shut it.
“Why?” I ask carefully.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Because I’m so fucking angry I’m going to explode,” he finally answers as he looks at me. I don’t react to his words. “I’m only going to hurt you if I stay.”
“You won’t hurt me,” I say confidently. “You’re not the kind of man to hurt a woman, Shadow.”
He doesn’t answer for a moment. Finally he gives a curt nod. “I won’t hurt you that way, Quinn, but you’re so damn good, so soft and giving, that you don’t need my shit in your life. You don’t need a man who’s so screwed up he could break your heart because he’s living in the past.”
I cock my head slightly. Being a social worker, you learn how to read people, and whatever is going on with Shadow is some pretty heavy stuff. Heavy stuff he’s been carrying around for a while, and something has brought it all to the surface. “Shadow, how about you let me worry about my heart, okay?” I suggest gently. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
He turns away from me and steps further into the house. He goes to the back door and looks out. “After we left the restaurant, there was an accident,” he says calmly, and my heart drops, dread spreading through me. “No, not an accident. We were run off the road. The son of a bitch hit Bullet’s bike first, sending him flying. Then he went after the SUV carrying the women and the Prospect driving them. Hit them hard a couple of times. Enough that it rolled. Multiple times.”
“Oh my God,” I gasp, my hands going to my mouth in horror.
Slowly, he turns to look at me. The prominent emotion in his eyes now is fury. “Then he took off, left them to die. Unfortunately for him, he missed King, Torque and I. Torque stayed with Bullet and called 9-1-1. King and I went to get the women and the Prospect out of the car. We barely got them out before it exploded.”
“Oh, Shadow,” I whisper, stepping towards him. “Are you alright?” I don’t touch him as I reach him, because I know that he doesn’t want me to. I can see it on his face. Still, I offer him silent support. Quiet comfort.
“I made it out with scratches, bruises, and, some burnt threads on my cut,” he grits out, his jaw tight and as hard as granite. “Bullet, Rose, and Sage are still all on the table, doctors trying to keep them alive. Izzy and the Prospect are in medically induced comas but they’ll live.” His jaw flexes, and I see him swallow hard.
This time I step into him. I still don’t touch him, but I hold his gaze. “It’s not your fault, Shadow,” I whisper. I can see the demons swirling in his eyes as he stares at me. “You saved them. You just told me that yourself. And if you were on your motorcycle, you couldn’t stop a bigger vehicle than you.”
“I shot at it and missed the tires,” he snaps at me, voice harsh. “I fucking missed, Quinn. If I hadn’t, maybe the rollover wouldn’t have happened because that son of bitch would have lost control and been the one in that field. And I would have left him there. I would have left him there to bleed out, and die.”
“I don’t believe you would have,” I return evenly, refusing to back away. “Wanting revenge does not make you a bad man, Shadow.”
He gives a humorless laugh. “Quinn, you know nothing. You think I’m a good guy. Do you know what I did after I lost my team? I went to get the hostages we had been sent in to retrieve, and then when I found them, I killed every last one of the men holding them. Not because they were holding those people. Because they killed my team. I killed them painfully, so that I was covered in their blood.” He leans forward, face close to mine. “I found the man who killed the last member of my team. He survived the firefight, but he didn’t survive me. No, I took the most pleasure in his death because I had a known target. Him, him I killed in the most creative way I could think of. I am a killer, Quinn, and I think it’s time you realized that.”
I’m silently grateful that he spared me the gory details, but I realize something very quickly. Shadow is trying to push me away. Trying to hurt me into making me force him to leave. I also realize that I have a choice. Do I do it? Or do I step out on the limb and pull him back from the edge he’s teetering on? I know all the signs of a man barely holding on, and I don’t need to be a shrink to know that his PTSD is rearing its ugly head.
