Page 45 of The Devil's Reward
I’m about to become a bumbling idiot if he doesn’t stop looking at me. I can feel it rising in my throat, and I swallow hard to keep it down.
“Alright, I’ll get it in the works,” he says easily. He’s quiet for a moment but doesn’t get up to leave. I look over at him quickly and his eyes still haven’t moved away from me. “Are you scared of me, Quinn?” he asks, quietly, seriously.
My head jerks up and I stare at him wide-eyed. “No!” I gasp in shock. Oh my God, is that what he’s been thinking? “I’m so sorry, Shadow,” I rush out. “I, uh, well, I, ummm, I’m shy. Really shy, and I just can’t seem to make it stop.” It’s a lame excuse, but it’s the best I can come up with right now. The last thing I ever want him to think is that I’m afraid of him. I lower my head again, my face a furious red.
His hand comes up and his finger rests under my chin, lifting my head to look at him. His eyes are gentle, but direct on mine. The feel of him touching me sends my senses whirling. “Don’t be shy with me, Quinn,” he tells me quietly.
“Then you need to stop being so sexy,” I blurt out. My eyes widen as I realize what I just said. I close them and pull away from him, putting my head in my hands even as he chuckles. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that?” I plead, my voice slightly muffled.
“Afraid not,” he says, making me groan.
I lower my hands and peek up at him, finding him smiling at me. I sigh. “You really should know that I’m not the best conversationalist, and I tend to blurt things out when I get nervous.”
“Just makes things more interesting. Quinn, I like you as you are, or I wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place.”
“Yeah, I still don’t know why you did. I mean, most guys don’t fantasize about dating single mothers with daughters who con them out of snacks,” I joke lightly.
He smirks at me. “Guys are odd creatures, so it’s possible.” I laugh softly. He’s quiet for a moment. “But in actuality, I want to take you out because I can’t stop thinking about you.”
I stare at him in shock, unable to fully process his words for a couple of long, silent moments. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me? Really?Me?“Why?” I whisper. “There’s nothing special about me.”
His mouth pulls down into a frown. “Anyone who’s made you believe that is an asshole. And I can’t stop thinking about you because we have chemistry.” Something flashes in his eyes, but it’s gone too quickly for me to place it. “I want to know everything about you.”
I take a deep breath because my head feels like it’s going to explode. Is this dangerously attractive man seriously tellingmethis? Talking tomethis way? I can’t remember any man, ever, saying something like this. Hell, Bobby’s idea of romance was to tell me how much he liked my ass, or to squeeze my boobs as he walked by. “I… I don’t know what to say. I feel the chemistry with you too, but that doesn’t mean we’re compatible.”
“You’re right,” he agrees. “But we won’t know until we try. Which means I’m taking you and the little grifter out for dinner tomorrow, and we’re going to get to know each other.”
“And if we decide we have nothing in common?” I ask nervously.
“Then we keep things casual and professional,” he replies after a moment. “Though something tells me it’s not going to end up that way, Quinn. But I’m not an easy man either. I’ve seen and done too much. I’m never going to be a nine-to-five guy, who wears suits and brings you home flowers and writes sonnets. Okay, I’ll probably bring you flowers, but everything else, forget it,” he jokes with a slight smile.
“I don’t need flowers. You said you were in the service?” I ask curiously. That seems like a safer topic. Otherwise, I’m just going to melt into a puddle on the floor.
He nods. “I was in the Special Forces until I was medically discharged eight years ago.” He pauses, almost like he’s debating on what else to ask, but I have a feeling I know what’s coming. “Was Macy’s father in the Army? I saw the picture in her bedroom.”
It’s always a blow when Bobby comes up in conversation. Especially with someone I barely know. It’s an even harder blow when it’s coming from a man that says he’s interested in me. I swallow hard and tell him lamely, “He was. He died just after Macy was born.”
“I’m sorry, Quinn,” he says quietly, reaching out to touch my arm.
I shrug. “It was a long time ago, and I’ve learned to not dwell on it.” Or think about it at all. Nothing good will come out of it and I don’t need to dump that on Shadow tonight. That will certainly send him running for the hills.
“How did he die?” he asks quietly. “Killed in action?”
I swallow hard. How do I answer that question? There are so many pieces to it, but maybe if I tell him, he’ll understand why we probably won’t work. But do I want him to know that part of my history? Of our life? I mean, I barely know him, and I’m about ready to divulge something that no one outside my family, the US military, and probably the President, knows.
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful,” Shadow says quietly, putting his hand over mine in my lap. The feel of his hand is so warm, and yet odd. I can’t remember the last time a man, other than my father, held my hand so gently. Even at work, when men come in to see me, I either get a firm handshake or they avoid touching me completely.
“It is painful,” I tell him, lifting my eyes to him. “I’ll tell you if you want to know, but it’s not pretty. And I need you to promise me that you will never say anything to Macy.”
“I promise.” His gaze is direct and I take a deep breath, looking past him as I tell him my story.
“I met Bobby while I was in college. He was already in the military, and we had this whirlwind courtship. I loved him, and he was good to me. I didn’t mind him being away on deployment because I had my family and I was busy with school. I’m not a social person, so him being away wasn’t hard for me like it is for other military wives, and Bobby didn’t have to worry about me cheating like some of his friend’s wives and girlfriends.
“We got married after a year, almost immediately after he came home from his third deployment. He was gone again within six months, and I kept working on getting my degree in social work. I originally thought about being a teacher, but then I went to the base and met some of the people there, saw the number of Vets that came home with nowhere to go, no one to welcome them back, and I wanted to help. So I spoke to one of the people on base and they suggested social work as a career with a specialty in military discharge support.
“Bobby was pleased that I was going to be doing something that could eventually benefit him and his team. Told everyone that he deployed with to see me if they wanted to get out, that I would help them.” I give Shadow a bitter smile. “Didn’t matter that I had no idea what I was doing, I was going to be the one to get it done. Then he came home, this time for eight months. It was fine at first, but I got pregnant soon after he got back.
“You’d think he would be happy, but Bobby decided he didn’t want kids. That he wanted me to himself, and the freedom to come and go as he pleased. I was devastated, and that was the beginning of the end, I think. He wasn’t the man I married anymore. He was cold, distant, and always wanted to be out with his friends instead of staying home with me. I thought maybe something happened overseas, something he couldn’t talk about because it was classified. I tried to support him as best I could, but I was so sick in my first trimester that there were times I could barely get out of bed.”
