Page 13 of The Devil's Reward
“You’re going to work with them, so probably a good idea,” Rose muses. “Alright, Torque, get that ad ready to go, have Cryos put it up, and we’ll see who we can come up with for you.”
“As long as it’s not Raven, we’ll be fine,” Torque mutters, but not quiet enough to keep from being heard.
Rose gives him a cool stare, but before she can light into him, I say, “Viper and I were saying we need office help as well. We’re spending way too much time on paperwork instead of acutal work. So I’ll probably have one for Cryos later, too.”
Rose gives me an assessing gaze. “You and Viper should be able to handle hiring someone without thinking with your dicks,” she finally says with a nod.
I snort. “Thanks,” I reply, voice dry. Izzy snickers and the guys all grin at me. “Alright, I’m heading to the clubhouse. I’ll see you later. Rose, you got a ride back?”
“Carson will come to get me,” Rose assures me. “He’s running some errands.”
I nod. “Alright. Izzy, take it easy and listen to your man,” I add over my shoulder with a grin and a wink at her.
She scowls at me as Torque grins. “Screw off, Shadow,” she retorts, but with no heat behind her words.
I make my way out to my bike, hop on, and head for the clubhouse. The drive is normally an easy one, but today, my mind is all over the place. I can’t get Quinn’s face out of my head. Surely fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to taunt me like this? It’s like my past is clawing its way into my present, and I’m powerless to stop it. First, it was Crypt, a forgotten link to my past, and now Quinn, looking like the woman I helped carry to her final resting place.
There has to be a logical explanation to all this. Maybe, somehow, Quinn is related to Sam, which would explain the physical similarities. Or maybe this is purely a coincidence, and Quinn is just Sam’s doppelgänger. Isn’t that what everyone says? That somewhere out there you have a twin.
I can’t help but think back to Veteran’s Day when I went to Sam’s grave, the same as I do every year.
“You and me, Sammy,” I say softly, “we’d have been good together. You’d have called me on my shit, and you would have reminded me of what we were fighting for when I wanted to give up. Hell, you and Rose would be best friends.” I give a husky laugh. “The shit that woman gets into would have you rolling. More because you want to join in.”
I go quiet, listening to the soft wind in the branches above the stone.
“Someday, I’ll find a woman of my own. She won’t be you, and I don’t want her to be. You were one of a kind, and that’s hard to top. Maybe you can help send her my way? Or at least make sure my head is out of my ass to recognize her. Thought I had a chance with Talon’s woman, but it was pretty easy to see the only one she had eyes for was him.
“I don’t even know what I want. Someone to come home to every day. Someone that’s mine and someone that needs me as much as I need her. Past that, I don’t care what she looks like, sounds like, or what she does for a living. Just someone to help me remember what I fought for. Why I fought so damn hard to get out of that hell-hole when the last thing I should have wanted was to keep on living.
“That shrink always reminds me I need to honor you by living. To live for what you sacrificed for, and I have to agree. It took me a long time to remember that, but now that I have, I’m going to do my damndest to never forget. I’ll do what you always said I should. Find a girl, settle down, and live. It was our dream, remember? Well, you always said you wanted to find some big-dicked man that could keep up with you,” I chuckle, recalling more than one discussion about it. “That and get a dog. So I’m going to do some of that. Not the big-dicked man part, but I think I’m going to find a dog And I’m going to start my own family outside of the club.
“Someday I’ll have it all, but I will never forget you, Sammy.” I feel my throat constrict at the words, but I push through. “I promise I won’t forget you. I’ll come back every year and tell you how life is and I’ll remember. Because the shrink is right. If I forget you, if I forget any of our team, I’ll have let those bastards win. So I’m going to go back to the club tonight, I’m going to drink myself silly, and I’m going to remember.”
I step forward and touch the cold stone for just that one moment. Then I whisper, “I’ll be back, Sammy.”
My chest burns at the memory. Sam and I never dated. We had chemistry in spades, and I finally got the balls to ask her out just before everything went FUBAR on that last mission. I never got to find out what we would have been like together, but now, I think that’s for the best. I lost a teammate, but not the love of my life.
Now, I have to wonder if this is Sam’s way of helping me. Or maybe this is her idea of a joke. Sam always was one for a good prank. Except, I don’t have time for a woman in my life. So even if Sam’s wasting whatever energy on me, it’s in vain. I don’t have time for this sort of distraction.
Still, as I pull into the clubhouse, my mind drifts to the little girl who oh so sweetly “conned” me out of some chips. Macy is a spitfire, and I can already tell she’s going to be a handful for her mama. A smile pulls at my lips as I pull into my spot. I have a soft spot for kids, and that one is something special.
Still, I probably won’t see them again, and that’s for the best. My heart can’t take it. I have half a mind to ask Cryos to look into her, but if Cryos is our mole, I don’t want to give him the name of a woman and her daughter and lead danger to their door. I briefly wonder if Crypt could get the information for me, but then push it away. No, I need to stop thinking about them.
Quinn Holt is not Sam Nolans. Sam is dead and gone, and Quinn is the reminder I need that I can’t have what I want. Even if everything in me screams at me to go back and find her. To protect her.
She’s not mine, and she never will be.
EIGHT
SHADOW
Things are about to get interesting.
I don’t waste time as I make my way to Bullet’s office. I know he’s waiting for me, and my brief detour to the shop cut into our meeting time. When I reach the door, I knock and wait to be called in. Far too many times have I walked into find him and Rose in positions that I don’t like to imagine. I know Rose is still at the shop, but the habit isn’t one I want to break. Not for my sanity, anyway.
“Come in,” Bullet barks.
I let myself in and shut the door behind me. Unsurprisingly, Viper is already here and leaning against the wall by the window, looking out. Bullet is behind his desk, looking as stern as always. Being President of the club can’t be easy, and the man has held that mantle for over thirty years. If he ever steps down, it’ll be a sad day.
