Page 66 of His Scandalous Viscountess
A lump formed in her throat, making it hard to push the words out.
Theo squeezed her hand, a soft look on her face.
But it was Lady Heartfield who spoke up. “I was like you, possibly worse under the circumstances. I had been on my own for more than twenty years. I was the Madame of The Market”—Julia gasped at that surprise bit of news—“and I had only ever known how to survive on my own. It was a bit of a shock when Heart stormed into my life and wanted to rescue me from it. You see, I didn’tneedrescuing.”
The sadness grew within her. She had, in fact,neededsaving.
Lady Heartfield continued on. “Or at least I thought I didn’t. It turns out that I did need just a little. Once Heart battered down all my defenses and I let him in, I realized that I was a stronger womanwithhim than without. Not that I could not have survived…but I wasn’tliving.”
Julia inhaled sharply, the older woman’s words hitting a bit too close to home. Was that possibly her issue? She considered the last ten years of her life.
“But I have lived. I’ve lived abroad, taken a sheik as a lover—among others—and I have come and gone as I’ve pleased. I’ve also seen many sights and places most women will never have the chance to go.”
“Certainly, you have made a good show of living,” Ros replied. “But totrulylive, one must have genuine emotion in their life. Lady Heartfield—”
The blond woman smiled. “Marie, please.”
“Marie is right. You’ve tucked away all your emotions since your marriage to Wallthorpe. Since Wolf left you on that street corner, waiting for him. Even with Tariq, you never allowed him close enough to breach your defenses—not that I think that was a bad choice. But I suspect Wolf has blasted through your walls and has your heart surrounded. And it would seem he is taking no prisoners.”
Of course, her sister fell back on a military description. If she had been a man, she would have been a military man—a field marshal, most likely. Julia bit her lower lip in consternation. Her first impulse was to deny her sister’s and Marie’s words, but the truth was…they weren’t incorrect.
She closed her eyes and felt the room sway around her. “Iwantto change, to let him in, but I’m terrified he’ll only hurt me again.”
“When one has been deserted by love,” Marie offered with a gentle, yet knowing smile, “it can be difficult to trust it the second time around. But youmustfind a way to open yourself to him.”
“I feel closest to him when we are intimate,” Jules whispered.
Theo nodded. “That was how I learned to trust Stone. You must study his desires, learn his needs—”
Julia chuckled. “Those things I know. I need no primer in how to please Wolf. What I need is help in figuring out how to get past my fear of making myself vulnerable to him.”
Theo frowned. “Well, then I suppose there is no need to sneak you into The Market for a lesson.”
Emily and Theo giggled, sharing a smile. Marie shook her head.
Curious, Julia asked, “What is it?”
With a shake of her head, Theo answered. “A story for another time. We must focus on the issue at hand. Marie, do you have any further guidance from your experience?”
The woman sat lost in thought for a moment as everyone waited for her to speak. “I am afraid physical intimacy is not the solution this time. Or, I should say, not the heart of it. The next time you lay with your husband, afterwards, as you are still entwined, try speaking to him of your past. Of how your marriage and subsequent life have changed you and made you guarded. Do it while in his arms, so you still feel connected. I fear the only solution lies in opening the old wounds and excising the infection.”
Julia’s brows drew together. “I’ve already told him of the mistreatment I experienced at Wallthorpe’s hands. And he is well aware I took a sheik as a lover. What more need I say?”
“Ah, but have you told him how all that has happened made youfeel?” A blond brow arched up.
Once more, Julia could feel her cheeks heat. “No. I merely relayed the events.”
Theo nodded. “I see where you are going with this, Marie. It wasn’t until I acknowledged my fears and truly opened myself up to Stone that we conquered our differences.”
Ros leaned over and squeezed Julia’s hand. “At least consider what they are suggesting.”
Julia nodded. “I shall take it under advisement.”
~
Having reflected on the times she had spent with Wolf in bed, Julia realized her most vulnerable moments came when he tied her up and spanked her. When he left her no choice but to surrender to him, both physically and mentally. So she decided to ask him for what she needed tonight.
Standing in a silky negligée, she pulled the ties from her other robes to give him as bindings. Determined to bridge the gap between them, and to reach for what she wanted, she waited until she heard his valet depart his room. Then she crossed to the connecting door and knocked once before opening it.
