Page 112 of Off the Mark
“You held me while I cried my eyes out and lost the dreams I’d had since I was just a kid. Charlie, it was…it wasintimate. It meant something to me, and I know it did for you too. After, it was like we were polite acquaintances at best. It put all this space between us instead of bringing us closer.”
She propped her hands on her hips. “I thought you would want some space. Any time I open up like that with someone, it makes me want to run away. I assumed—”
“That I would run?” I interrupted. “Push you away like you’re doing now?”
Irritation sparked in her gaze. “Why am I solely to blame here? It’s not like you were reaching out to me either. Whenever I did, you were back to cocky jokes and avoiding the truth. I don’t know…it felt like you were shutting me out. Because you do the exact same thing as me, Rowan. Put walls up so people won’t get too close.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. Released a frustrated breath. “You’re right. I made every fucking mistake in the book when it came to you back then. Wearethe same. We won’t tear down those walls because we’ve lost too much.”
I kept my focus solely on her. Tension rippled in the space between our bodies.
“So let me be very clear. I am in this for real. I am in thisfor you. And I’m not running this time.”
A long beat passed. Then another. She finally gave me the smallest of nods—and one side of her mouth hitched up. It was the most minor of positive gestures, but I’d take it.
“Thank you for saying that.” She pressed her palms to her forehead, grimacing. “I’m not…I’m not great with this stuff, Rowan. And I want to talk more about what you said. Want to and need to. But I actually do need you to go home. Go out with Dean, go out with your friends. You should be celebrating your new job. Not here, watching me have a breakdown. I’m fine, I swear.”
I was silent, staring at her, because a sneaky voice in my head was warning me that if I left now, she was gonna leave forever. What had Ijust saidto Charlie back at the bar?
Hoping for new, happy things feels dangerous to me. It can so easily disappear.
She stepped a foot closer, though she still wasn’t touching me. “Rowan. This is what I was trying to tell you earlier, after my race at the track.” She waved a hand between us. “Faking a relationship is easy. Pretending makes it so that all the tough and complicated parts fade away. Truly being with someone is complicated. Can you trust that I’m asking for what I need?”
My gut churned—another direct hit from Charlie because I realized Ididn’t. I wanted to barrel my way through this and fix it for her. Anything to keep her close.
“Okay, I’ll go,” I bit out. “I’ll call you tomorrow, see how you’re doing?”
She nodded with a—small—watery smile.
Then I spun on my heels and left her there. Walked the two and a half miles back to South Philly because a nasty combination of regret and confusion was giving me a burst of adrenaline I didn’t want.
In the end, I’d done the same thing I’d done before—not tell the whole truth, avoid the scary edges out of fear. I should have admitted why I was so afraid to call her after I got hurt. Should have admitted that I was more than justin this.
I loved her, all of her. But it was the hesitation on her face that held me back in the end. She was doing the thing she did best. The thingI did too.
Run away.
27
CHARLIE
The next morning, Dempsey took one look at me and winced in sympathy.
We were at the small coffee shop across the street from the convention center. And my stomach flipped every time my gaze landed on the sign for Reading Terminal Market, forcing me to think about the morning Rowan and I spent there, laughing over breakfast. The way he’d kissed my hand like a prince in a fairytale and my traitorous knees had gone weak.
I was always into the warrior girl on the horse. Obviously.
I pushed my mostly untouched latte away with one finger. “Do I look that awful? I dressed up and everything.”
“It’s not your clothing, it’s your”—she waved a broad circle around my body— “aura.”
I rubbed my eyes, gritty from lack of sleep. My temples throbbed. My throat was sore and raw from crying. And I was tired all the way down to my bones. “What color is it?”
“Whatever ‘I’ve been up all night with food poisoning’ is.” She tilted her head to the side. “Is it the Bettencourt news or something else? We didn’t get to talk after I found you.”
“It’s everything,” I said miserably. Then looked around to gauge if any fans were watching us. “After I told Rowan about my contract termination, we got into a fight, and now I’m…sad.”
Dempsey sat next to me, brows knit together in concern. “I’ve seen you upset plenty of times before. But it’s usually morefire-breathing dragonor preparation to tear someone’s face off. Sad is new.”
