Page 83 of Off the Mark
“I was asking you on a date, Charlie. But I wasn’t sure how to say it, because what I wanted to say didn’t feel perfect or all-the-way right.” I raked a hand through my hair, trying to ground myself. “What I said about not having feelings for you was a lie. And I wish, instead of being a coward, I had asked you out to dinner. No pretending. We could try and figure out why it’s always been different between you and me.”
I glanced down at my feet before looking back up at her. She closed the rest of the distance between us, sliding her hands into mine, interlacing our fingers.
There was no one around. No fans, no cell phones, no staged moments.
Just us.
“You know, those nights you used to stay late with me at Jolene’s,” she said, “I would tell myself I was your consolation prize. A cute girl to keep you company when you weren’t taking anyone home.”
“Never,” I said, voice so low it was practically a growl. “That was never the case with you, Charlie.”
Her cheeks were flushed now. “I know it wasn’t, and it’s not fair for me to keep using that as an excuse for avoiding what’s happening between us.Especiallysince the time we spent at the hospital, the night you got hurt, meant a lot. And there was nothing casual about being there with you when the worst happened. Convincing myself that I didn’t matter to you was easier for me than admitting what was true. Day two of knowing each other and we could have had some messy, meaningless hookup in the back room of that bar. We were alone enough, and often, and it was pretty much how you and I did things then.”
Her fingers traced along my inner arm, sending a shiver through the entire length of my body.
“But I always resisted it. Always turned you down.”
I frowned. “Why?”
“Part of me knew, if you and I got together, itwouldbe different. Maybe our fling would have lasted longer, been a little more serious. But you always seemed like such a heartbreaker.”
Guilt twisted through me. And regret. For being young and stupid and not thinking shit through before sleeping with women who wanted more than I was willing to give.
“The truth is…” Her throat worked on a swallow. “Thetruthis I was never worried about getting hurt when I hooked up with other guys. But I was worried when it came to you. They were never a risk to me.” Our eyes held. My heart stopped. “You were though.”
I released a jagged exhale and brought Charlie’s hand to my mouth, placing a kiss on her palm. “For all my boasting, if you’d ever agreed to go on a date with me, when I was twenty-two and full of myself, I would have been scared shitless.”
“You? No way, O’Callaghan,” she said, her voice so full of our old teasing I realized just how much I’d missed it.
“Yeah, me,” I shot back. “You just don’t remember because you were cool as hell and I was happy just hanging around at two in the morning, trying to make you laugh with my stupid jokes.”
“They weren’t stupid. I liked them a lot but pretended I didn’t.”
I grinned at her. “Nowyou tell me, damn.”
Movement outside the side windows caught my attention—no one familiar, but I didn’t want what I said to Charlie next to have any kind of audience. I rose to shut the blinds and double-checked the lock on the office door.
Then slowly, carefully, retook my place on the edge of the desk, holding Charlie’s hands.
“I’m not as careless as I used to be, but until you showed back up, I was worried that I hadn’t changed,” I admitted. “’Cause I nevergetserious with anyone. Have never been in love before, at least not the way Dean and Tabitha are. I used to look at them and think something inside me was broken. But it’s not. I just never tell the whole truth.”
“And what’s that?” she whispered.
“Charlie, I lost my parents. I lost my dream career. I’m a week away from having to fire my best friend and cut a program here that my neighbors rely on.” My voice was hoarse, heart a jackhammer against my ribcage. “I don’t want to loseyoubecause I’m too afraid to tell you what I should have said years ago.”
I let go of her hand but only so I could reach up, slide my palm against her cheek, and swipe my thumb across the soft indent of her lower lip.
“Every single time I walked into that bar, it wasbecauseof you. Every night I stayed late, it was because I wantedyou. You were all that I cared about, and I thought I’d moved past it. Except then you showed up again, and it was like nothing had changed for me.”
I cupped the other side of her face, and her upper body was swaying towards mine, and timestopped.
“I never had to pretend to worship you, Charlie, I always have—”
She fisted my shirt in her hands and kissed me. Pure shock rippled through my body for all of a second—and then a jolt of euphoria had me claiming her soft mouth the way I’d fantasized about for far too long. My hands slid back to tangle in her thick hair, holding her still while my lips moved hungrily against hers.
Charlie opened for me, giving as good as she got, her kisses as eager and starved as I felt. She pressed her entire upper body against mine, and when her hands looped around my neck, I reluctantly let go of all that blond hair. But discovered the pleasure of exploring the curve of her hips, my palms sliding up her back and yanking her roughly against me.
My mouth parted on a ragged inhale. She nipped at my lower lip, the pain sending a bolt of feverish lust through me. A shiver worked its way down her spine, pulsing in the tips of my fingers. She arched her back. Her head tipped to the side, breaking our kiss but giving me full access to the curve of her neck.
