Page 119 of Off the Mark
Tabitha had even swung by Midge and Maria’s house—they had an overabundance of pictures of Rowan, Dean, and their families—and I’d quickly framed a few, placing them on his desk and bookshelf. The office was beginning to straddle the line between honoring Elaine’s important legacy…and helping Rowan see that this new leadership role was fully his.
“Let’s hope so,” I said. “He made the past few weeks of this convention feel pretty fucking celebratory for me. And I feel bad.” I fell back onto the couch with a sigh, the lack of sleep catching up to me. “Getting this job was a huge deal, then I found out about Bettencourt and went into full panic mode. I just want him to get a chance to celebrate his accomplishment too.”
Tabitha sauntered over and fell back onto the couch with me. She pulled the collar of her shirt up to her nose and sniffed. Grimaced. “I smell like sweaty Windex. But Ilookamazing.”
I laughed. “You’re sweet to do this with me since I’m basically a stranger.”
“That’s not true. We watched O’Callaghan home movies together so we’re soul bonded now. And as I said the other day, any person who's important to Rowan is important to me. But our next girls’ night will involve dancing anddrinking—I don’t care what the tabloids say.”
I extended my hand, and she shook it. “You’ve got a deal.”
“We need to stick together anyway,” she added. “Our moms left us. Most people feel sympathetic to that. Not everyoneunderstands it. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I get the sense that you’ve got a cool dad, like me? Super close?”
I smiled at that accurate description. “We were always inseparable, even when my mom was around. I basically begged him to take me to his races, and he was happy to. He taught me how to ride. We trained together, worked on our bikes together. Growing up, my childhood was a little unconventional but also…it worked for us. Mom leaving made us tighter.”
“Mine too,” Tabitha said. “We’re so close, and he’s such agood dadthat missing my mom or wishing they’d get back together felt like a betrayal. Like I shouldn’t think about her at all.”
I grabbed her hand. “I felt the same exact way.”
She twisted to prop her elbow up on the back of the couch. “They’re supposed to love us unconditionally, but my mom didn’t. So I internalized this feeling that it was all my fault. Internalized feeling unlovable. It made falling for Dean terrifying at first. My most urgent and persistent worry was…when ishegoing to leave me?”
I blinked through a surge of hot tears. “That sounds…relatable.”
Tabitha chewed on her lip, eyes darting across my face. “Feel free to tell me to shut up if I’m being too presumptuous. But you are lovable, Charlie. Youdodeserve it. Letting yourself be loved isn’t easy with the experiences we’ve had, but if anyone’s up for the task of loving thehellout of you, it’s Rowan O’Callaghan. The guy can barely remember his own name whenever you’re in a sixty-foot vicinity.”
I laughed, surprised. “Can Dean remember your name though?”
She shook her head. “He and I have been head-over-heels for each other for a while now, and it only gets better. It only becomes more natural, being loved. Loving in return. I’m living proof.”
Her phone buzzed and she peeked at the screen. “Speaking of, Dean said he and Rowan are walking in now.”
“Great,” I croaked. “I don’t feel nervous at all.”
“Nervous means you’re telling the truth, right?” she said, before scrambling off the couch to hastily grab our cleaning supplies.
Meanwhile, I was glued to the couch,supernervous, and thinking about fake dates and authentic love. How easy it would be to stay with the safe, comfortable option—never vulnerable, always on the move.
Opening myself up to love might be harder in the beginning, but the reward wasRowan.
Was there anything sweeter?
When Dean arrived for the surprise, Rowan in tow, I was still sitting. And then stunned into stillness at the sight of him—his broad, playful grin and the sound of his cheerful laughter when he realized what we’d done.
“Surprise!” Tabitha cheered. “Happy ‘you’re now an executive director’ day!”
“Holyshit,” Rowan said, hand on his chest. “Yo, you did this all for me? Dean was in on it too?”
Dean shrugged a shoulder. “I told you to shower for your big day. And because—”
He nodded at where I sat on the couch, somewhat out of sight. When Rowan saw me, an electric charge shot through my body, sending a goofy smile across my face.
“Charlie,” he said, sounding astonished.
“This whole thing was her idea,” Tabitha said. “She even got the kids to make you that.”
Rowan stared at the poster, stared at me, then back to the poster. He bent for a closer look and laughed behind his hand. “I’ve got no less than fifteen fingers in this drawing of me. Incredible. The kids did all of this?”
“You’ve got a whole center of people thrilled with your new job title,” I said. “Kids included.”
