Page 106 of On the Ropes
Tabitha
The vulnerability hangover was very real.
As the neighbors milled about on the sidewalk, anxiously discussing the fate of the park, I was chewing on my thumbnail and wondering if I might throw up. I hadn’t expected to feel so achy and exposed after telling Dean about my knowledge of my mother’s affair. It was deeply uncomfortable for me. As was watching him leave for that meeting with body language that was the opposite of last night’s family dinner: shoulders up to his ears, lips pressed together, forehead creased. Having our night and early morning be so tender and emotional only made this sudden awkwardness that much more unsettling.
And I knew why. The whole pattern—strong emotion followed by covering it up followed by walking away—directly mimicked the way my parents argued during the Bad Year. Mom would say something harsh and hurtful, setting off a quick, mean-spirited argument that would tie my stomach into knots. There would be no reconciliation, but at some point, Mom would be wearing a serene smile and Dad would brightly offer to take Alexis and me out to eat and we’d leave. Putting on a happy face became the norm, especially for me.
I just couldn’t shake this dreadful feeling that I’d behaved more like my mother in this situation toward Dean than I ever thought possible.
A light pressure on my wrist shook me from my reverie. It was Maria, looking much too kind for my current emotional state. “You’re not too sore from dancing, are you, dear?”
Thinking of twisting the night away with Dean’s parents last night almost wrenched a sob from my throat. “Oh my goodness, not at all,” I said, placing my hand over hers. “I can’t thank you enough for making me always feel so welcome. I’ve looked up to you and Midge for my entire life.”
She stared at me quizzically before giving me a hug. She patted me on the back and said softly, “Whatever is wrong, I know you can fix it. Have faith, dear.”
I swallowed past a lump in my throat bigger than the Oswald Properties truck parked ominously in front of the vacant lot. “I appreciate that,” I said, although I wasn’t sure if I could fix the mess I’d made. Over Maria’s shoulder, my gaze slid to the garden Dean and I had started planting, and my heart sped up at the sight of it. Even if things were a mess in my personal life, that didn’t mean we couldn’t save the park. I hadn’t been lying when I told Dean about miracles. You couldn’t have the privilege of getting to know as many community activists as I’d done during my career and not witness your fair share of last-minute marvels.
Maria released me and I turned to the neighbors and clapped my hands to get their attention. Natalia and Martín, Eddie and Alice, Midge and Maria went quiet. I cocked my thumb at the truck. “This fucking sucks.”
“You could say that again,” Eddie grumbled with a scowl.
“What are we gonna do to stop it?” I asked, hands on my hips. “I put out some feelers on the fundraising page for the park and on social media, so I can follow up on any leads that come my way.”
Natalia and Martín shared a look. “Our friends—the Santos family, who started their own park—we’re heading there now to go talk to them,” Martín said. “I’m hopeful they’ll have a solution.”
“That’s perfect,” I said.
“We can talk to some of the community coordinators at the Lavender Center,” Midge said. “They don’t do garden projects there, but they’ve had to do plenty of work with the city, gettin’ around red tape and a whole bunch of other bullshit.”
“And I’ll call my grandson,” Alice said.
Eddie coughed into his fist but stayed quiet.
“All of these ideas are brilliant and top-notch. There’s no way in hell they’re taking Annie’s lot from us.” I shook my head. “From all of you, I mean. I’ve got a flight to catch tomorrow, but I know we can pull this off.” I avoided six sets of sympathetic faces by peering over at the park.
“Oh, we are going to miss you, Tabitha Tyler,” Alice said. “Don’t you dare sneak off to that airport without coming to see me.”
“I would never,” I said with the kind of false cheer I’d seen my dad express at the diner, every time the conversation turned to my next job. Dean rounded the corner at that same moment, sending my stomach flying like a flock of sparrows.
Knowing you understood made me feel less alone. And I feel that way about you now.
Everyone turned to both greet him and then immediately vent about the possibility of having Annie’s old lot being turned into a “three-story monstrosity that’ll block out the fucking sun,” according to Midge. He listened with his usual respect for his elders but didn’t make eye contact with me once. His hands were shoved into his pockets, body vibrating an energy I couldn’t decipher.
Maria studied him closely, her gaze darting back and forth between the two of us. I winced, guessing our awkwardness was in the process of being discovered. When I tuned back in, everyone was starting to head off for their tasks. Dean greeted his parents, one hand on his stoop railing, and said, “I’m going to come by and see you both later today.”
“Of course,” Maria said. “We’ll be home. Is everything okay? I mean, besides all of this.” She indicated the park, and Midge muttered a few unkind words toward Oswald himself.
He nodded. “Yeah. Everything’s okay.”
When he didn’t expand further, his parents said a fluttery goodbye to us both, and I watched them walk down the sidewalk, hand in hand, with a pang in my chest.
“You don’t really think we’re gonna get to keep it, do ya?” Eddie asked, lighting a cigarette with narrowed eyes.
“I’m not gettin’ my hopes up,” Dean said. The pang intensified.
Eddie blew out smoke with a look of resignation. “City does this shit to people all the time. Don’t know why I got myself all excited.”
“We’ll save it,” I blurted out, too upset at Eddie’s hunched shoulders and the hurt in Dean’s eyes. “I get being realistic and I get the frustration, but I think we have to fight for it and not give in because this guy has money to throw around.”
