Page 42 of On the Ropes
My mouth twisted to the side. “Probably not. I was just telling them about the contract I signed with a hotel in Austin.”
This time I was watching closely, caught the split second of sadness on Dad’s and Kathleen’s faces before they congratulated me.
“I think this calls for hot fudge sundaes to celebrate, yeah?” my dad said. “I can whip some up in the back.”
“Absolutely,” I chimed in, smile frozen on my face. We went back to eating and making jokes and enjoying too much ice cream with one another. But churning beneath was a tangle of feelings and memories only growing louder with every day I spent back home. I was beyond lucky to have a father and sister—plus a brother-in-law and stepmom—who loved me without question, who were willing to celebrate every part of my identity, every accomplishment and achievement.
My mother, on the other hand, used criticism as a form of control, held Alexis and me up to a level of expected perfection that was never, ever possible. And we’d disappointed her so badly that she’d gone ahead and gotten herself a brand-new family.
She’d involved me in her secrets and lies when I was much too young to comprehend what she was having me do—which was help her break my father’s heart so deeply that my aunt Linda threw away pictures of her.
I kept these secrets close and locked away because the idea of hurting my father and sister again was the worst thing I could imagine a person doing. My mother had already hurt them enough. Yet in the face of their honesty and support, lying gave me an icky, turbulent feeling in the pit of my stomach.
This quick layover in Philly was just that and nothing more. The longer I was here, the more grateful I became that I could leave.
