Page 120 of On the Ropes
Dean
Iknocked on Tabitha’s door, then shoved my hands into my pockets to keep them still. There was some bit of commotion in the lot to my right. I could hear music and people laughing. I ignored it the way I’d ignored every other distraction today—Rowan’s calls, my parents stopping by, Harry’s pissed-off emails. I’d woken up this morning without the sweet warmth of Tabitha’s body draped over mine, and everything disappeared except my one goal. It was as if I’d stepped back into the ring the first few seconds after the gong went off, when every sound went silent and every person vanished except the one across from me.
I’d been much less of a machine since Tabitha had tumbled into my lap. But I didn’t mind harnessing some of that old focus so I could do what she did all the time. Leap without looking. To give in to what I wanted, without holding back.
The door opened. Tabitha stood there, barefoot, in a short white summer dress. Her brown eyes landed on mine, pink lips curving into a pretty smile.
She was everything that I ever wanted.
Those eyes widened. “Dean.”
“Hi.”
“What are you…” She glanced nervously over at the lot. “Sorry, I thought you’d be with Rowan today?”
I arched an eyebrow. “He called me a few times, but I didn’t pick up. I was busy. Working on things to show you.” I looked down at the ground. Took a step closer and let my gaze rise to hers again. “Can I come in?”
She blinked at me, looking stunned. Until she stepped back inside and said, “Of course” in a shaky voice.
I stepped past her, much too aware of her body heat. The freckles on her bare shoulders. I carefully slid two pieces of paper from my pocket and sat on the edge of her couch. I saw her peek out the front curtains before refocusing on me.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I just wasn’t expecting you.” She ran a hand through her red hair. My fingers ached to touch her there. She sat down next to me, our bodies apart, eyes glued together. A flush rose up her neck. I wondered if she was replaying us here yesterday. The casual way I’d shrugged everything off. As if she’d been a temporary fascination, when nothing could have been further from the truth.
I dropped my elbows to my knees. I smoothed open the first sheet of paper and handed it to her. “This is a list of ideas I’ve been working on to save the park and keep Oswald Properties from buying it. I have no idea if they’ll work. But while I was researching, I saw so much evidence of what you always talked about. People doing the right thing without being asked. Neighbors helping neighbors. Communities fighting for their rights. No wonder you love what you do, Tabitha. And I’m sorry about being so pessimistic and unhelpful yesterday. I’m sure I came off as an asshole.”
Tabitha’s lips quirked. “You’re not an asshole, Mr. Machine. No matter how hard you scowl.”
I rubbed a hand down my jaw, grateful for her teasing after a day without it. “It still wasn’t fair to you to leave you hanging. To walk off, pissed, while you rallied the block.” I tapped the edge of the sheet. “I’d like to talk to you about some of the ideas. See what we can do, even if you’re in Austin. If a condo gets built there, I know we’ll all be disappointed. We could go back to the drawing board and start a new community project though. Long as we don’t give up.”
She laughed, sounding delighted. “Actually, you don’t have —”
I gently touched her knee. “If it’s okay, I’ll lose my nerve if I don’t say the next part. I’ve been practicing all morning.”
Her eyes searched mine as I swallowed past a knot of fear in my throat. Tabitha clasped my hand in hers, shifting until we were pressed together. The knot loosened. “Go ahead,” she said.
It was time to leap.
“I don’t really have words for how sorry I am about yesterday and everything I said before rushing off to that meeting. Especially since you’d shared so much. About your mom, what she did to you. I know being open about stuff like that is like your worst nightmare.”
Her eyes shone, but one corner of her mouth lifted. “Like the Lavender Center all over again.”
I squeezed her hand. “Exactly. And right after you told me, I took that call from Harry, angry and out of it. Everything happened so fast then. With the park. With the Vegas job. I never got to say thank you for allowing me to know something so private and painful. You’re incredibly brave, Tabitha, and strong in a way I don’t think you see.”
This had bothered me all damn day—a nagging feeling that one of the many things I’d done yesterday morning was be a shitty friend and listener. There were rules in our support group to acknowledge how raw people felt after sharing. Raw and usually scared.
I’d stormed off and left her there.
“You deserve true happiness. Not the shallow kind you have to fake so everyone around you is comfortable.” I was holding her hand, so I felt a tremor go through her.
“I felt safe with you yesterday morning,” she said. “You were the first person I’d ever told. I know everything kind of…imploded after that, but there’s a reason why I chose you, Dean. You always made me feel like I could be myself around you. You still do.”
My nerves were being chased away by a tenuous hope. I lifted her hand and pressed my lips to the inside of her wrist. My eyes rose to meet hers. There was no mistaking the emotion glittering there.
“Tabitha,” I said roughly, “I was dishonest with you from the beginning. I never…it was impossible for me to consider spending time with you in a way that was casual. You know how I felt about you when we were in school. How much I admired you. The second I saw you at Benny’s I started falling in love with you.”
She was trembling now, tears on her cheeks. But her smile was dazzling.
