Page 44 of Seeking Stars
"Yeah, but how often do you spend this much time in the sun?"
"Rarely." He smirked. "Okay, now tell me one of yours."
"I'm afraid of earthquakes."
"Oh?" He turned his face to look at her.
"Yeah, my parents have told me some pretty scary stories, but I've never really been in one myself."
"I see. I've felt a few here in California, but nothing major."
She shivered. "I hope nothing happens while I'm here."
"You don't have to worry. Everything is built to survive most earthquakes. And if there were a tsunami, we'd probably be okay up here."
"Probably?"
"Anyway," he interjected, stopping her train of thought; she suspected he did it on purpose. "It's my turn. I'm afraid of snakes. It's the silent, slithering cold."
"Understandable," she shrugged. "A living thing that's cold is so unnatural."
"Agreed." His eyes crinkled at the corners.
She searched for something to say during her turn and, seeing all the devices scattered on her bed, she voiced something she hadn't quite admitted out loud yet.
"I'm afraid dropping my part-time job was a mistake."
She noticed the small startle in him upon hearing her words. "How come?"
Ana gazed at her hands and the way she rubbed them together. He lifted a leg and balanced the camera on his knee, keeping it in place with a light touch of his fingers.
"I never made enough money making documentaries to afford to do it full time. I had a lot of hope that signing with TCA would make a difference, so I took a risk and quit. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to spend a whole month with you doing this; I typically had to use vacation time to interview my people. If this doesn't work out, I'll be in debt and without much of an income."
"Shit, that sounds scary. But you're good at what you do and you're smart. I'm sure you'll figure it out and, if you'd like, I'd be happy to make some introductions, try to get some other projects going."
She bumped her shoulder with his, smiling at him. "Thank you, that's generous. I'd appreciate it."
He nodded his acknowledgement, perhaps dismissing how big of a deal it would be for her if he decided to help her. She chose not to say anything about that when he frowned.
"I think… I'm afraid this burnout feeling is never going to go away."
"Do you think Coulton is right and that it'll end soon? That once you're able to choose what you want to work on, the pace will slow down and it'll get better?"
"I have to believe it will, because I don't think I can keep going like this for much longer."
"It must be frustrating to have to wait until Coulton tells you it's okay."
"I kind of have to trust him— he's my agent. Also my manager. And like we said, I owe him."
"Doesn't mean he's always going to be right, or that his opinion is good for you."
He stared at her with a deep crease between his eyebrows. After a moment, he shook his head as if to dislodge a thought.
"Your turn," he reminded her.
Watching him consider her words about Coulton brought a fear to the surface. She hesitated. Pursing her lips, she ping-ponged between sharing and holding back, but this game was all about not censoring themselves. Perhaps because of the late hour, she made herself speak before she could overthink it.
"I'm afraid I'll be pushed to make films I don't like."
