Page 30 of When the Snowman Whispered
I touched my body. My flesh ran cold. My nipples stiff and hungry. Moisture lay between my thighs, but it could have been all the ice dripping on the bed.
Heat swarmed inside of me. That dream had felt so damned good, and the secret twisted parts of me wanted more.
Stop it and concentrate. How do I get rid of them if they’re all still alive?
“I can do something. I’m not powerless. I made them and they came alive in the image I formed.” I leaned against the counter and took in the feet of new snow that had covered the ground. It hid the car, making it look like a misshapen hill. The trees appeared short due the snow level rising.
“I could make something to protect me. Maybe a soldier.” I tucked hair behind my ear. “Wait. How am I going to make sure that he will protect me and not join with the others?”
I thought back to the dream. Instead of coming after me like a pack of flesh-hungry zombies—Santa had a threesome with the mermaids and my snowman seduced me. That didn’t sound like evil spirits. It represented a group of dead people that had desperately wanted to get laid their first night back in our world.
“I’m not going to make another person. I can’t guarantee that he or she won’t come after or try to hook up with me.”
But I couldn’t just sit back and wait for night to come without some way to defend myself. I had to make something. I sat down at the kitchen table and considered my options. By lunch, I grabbed a notebook and pen, writing down the craziest ideas.
That afternoon, I had a plan, got dressed, and went outside.
“Listen. I have two things to say.” I walked up to Remy. “First, I have no idea if you’re a friend or foe. The dream was. . .odd. Let’s not do that again. Whatever that was. I enjoyed it, but. . .let’s just not do that again. It’s weird. Two, I’m building a jail around you in the hopes that we can discuss this peacefully tonight.”
A breeze blew through my hair. A few branches snapped and fell to the ground behind the car. I had no idea if that was the spirits or just the natural occurrence of nature.
I questioned every moment now. Life was not what I thought it was. Everything appeared new and free to my preconceived ideas.
Even the clear blue sky above us, watching me as I chatted with an inanimate snowman. Even the sky I studied with a newborn’s eyes.
What flew up in that bright blue and wispy white that I did not see? What thoughts lay within the trees and in each speck of snow? How many things were alive around me that I couldn’t see? Did I need to protect myself more each day?
I have to be positive and not descend into further negativity.
Mom had always said that. She believed in positive and negative energy. Her theories didn’t parallel regular religions. In her mind, there was no heaven or hell, just light and darkness.
She’d explained all of this to me, one night when I turned nine years old.
“Negative energy loves the darkness.” She straightened her smile to a serious expression. “But never be afraid of the darkness, all you have to do is whisper God’s name and the light will whip it all away from you. All that bad stuff will disappear. But you must believe, baby. You must always believe.”
As I lay in bed that night, I stared at her with pure amazement. “Mommy, what about the positive energy?”
“It’s never bad to have positive energy flowing around you. Keep your mind still throughout the day. Stay mindful in everything you do. Don’t let bad thoughts creep into your mind. Don’t think too long on sad things.” She tapped the side of her head. “Bad thoughts breed bad things.”
“And bad thoughts come from negative energy?”
“Sometimes.”
“Is that what happen to my daddy?”
She frowned. “What do you mean, baby?”
“Is negative energy the reason why he’s never tried to meet me?”
She took her time answering it. God only knew what ran in her mind. I’d been asking her more and more about the father that I’d never met. Each time, she mumbled some things that didn’t make sense and had me go off to the other side of the house and do a chore.
“Your father never understood the power that he had in him. He had so much light.” She ran her fingers through my hair. “He thought he was full of darkness and so all he saw was the worst of life. When he. . .found out that I was pregnant, he didn’t take it as well as I did. I always wanted children. Your father. . .not so much.”
“He didn’t want me?”
“No. I’m not saying that.”
It was the first time, I witnessed my mother shaking.
