Page 62 of The Taste of Redemption
She cocked an eyebrow. “Why?”
Good question. I should’ve come up with something that didn’t make me look like the biggest asshole, but hey… I was one.
“Just because you don’t mind seeing me with Chrissy, doesn’t mean I don’t mind seeing you with Chase. I don’t want you to get hurt, and once he starts sleeping around with his groupies, you will.”
“I know Chrissy’s good for you, but believe me, I don’t enjoy seeing you together. You think it doesn’t hurt?”
The atmosphere changed from calm and intimate to uncomfortable. My muscles tightened, preparing for battle.
“You sure don’t let it show.”
An incredulous scoff left her lips. “Because it’s easier that way! I don’t want you to feel guilty in any way. I try to be happy for you, but it hurts like no bruise.” Her tone turned to anger. “It’s worse than broken ribs and split lips, worse than realising I lost you in vain because Adrian is beyond saving!” She yelled, pushing me away with both hands. “Does that knowledge help you somehow? It sure doesn’t help me.”
I caught her wrists, and drew her to me, acting on the intense need to calm her down. It was a reflex, something I didn’t have to think about. Action, reaction. Her body pressed against mine. The scent of her perfumes intensified. The urge to seal her lips skyrocketed.
“It helps. At least I know you’re not made of stone. You care.”
“Of course, I care!” she yelled, wriggling out of my grip. “I love you, and I can’t stop.”
One sentence brought me down to my knees. Just like when I saw her for the first time, my heart forgot it was there to beat. Everything lost its significance the meaning of her words registered with me.
“You love me?” I uttered, my blood hot.
She never said those words to me. No one did. No one apart from my parents and Maya.
“I’m sorry.” Her cheeks turned a faint shade of pink. “I shouldn’t have said that, but… You have no idea how hard it is to let you get on with your life when all I want to do is fight for you.”
I grasped the last remaining argument, my resolutions vanishing.
“You didn’t need to fight, Nadia. You had me, but you let me go.”
With that, I turned around and left, slamming the door behind me. I wanted to forgive her; I wanted us to start over, but people were vicious creatures. If they did it once, they were going to do it again.
I couldn’t lose her again. It almost fucking killed me the first time around. I wouldn’t get back up if she left again.
We had our time. Now we had to recover, forget, and choose a different path. I was walking mine, relying on the signs provided by the rational part of my personality, but I didn’t like where I was heading.
The engine of my car sprung to life. I turned right at the end of the one-way street. Three hundred yards later I had thirty strategies and excuses at the ready to see Nadia tomorrow, the next day and all other days after that.
The memory of the last time I thought we weren’t going to move past a certain point flashed before my eyes, and I found the answer to the riddle from Nadia’s drawing.
Bury it underground, cover it with a stone and I’ll dig the bones out anyway. What am I?
A memory.
Once we were outside, I was all over her.
In my head, that is.
Nadia sat on the bench and closed her eyes, inhaling a mouthful of smoke. “May I ask why you’re staring?”
“Why did you leave?”
She tried to stifle a laugh but didn’t do a good job of it. “Why? You wanted to cuddle? I was exhausted.”
A satisfied smirk crossed my lips, but Nadia shot me down.
“Not thanks to you though, so lose the grin.”
