Page 42 of The Taste of Redemption
I hate you
Another sleepless night resulted in thirty more sketches. I hoped insomnia would give way soon, or else Nick’s attic was going to be filled with sketchpads and canvases that portrayed the darkest thoughts infesting my mind.
I drew it all: bruises, anger, clenched fists, frowns and tears. I drew until my fingers were too weak to hold a pencil, and then I drew more. I went through six sketchpads during the two nights I spent at Nick’s and Mel’s house, but there were still hundreds of images I wanted to get on paper. It helped, somehow.
Every sketch brought me an hour closer to feeling normal. There were still months, maybe years’ worth of thoughts, scenes and feelings waiting to be portrayed.
Nick knocked on my bedroom door at seven o’clock in the morning. He poked his head in when I was finishing up with my make-up. Thanks to the overpriced, magic foundation, the bruises were invisible.
Nick pushed the door open further and showed me a cup of coffee he hid behind his back.
“Good morning.” He brushed a few lonely locks away from my face, then placed the coffee next to a small mirror I was using. “Are we still on for car-shopping later?”
“Yes. I’m going to see Dad soon, but I’ll be back around mid-day.”
He moved some of my clothes out of the way to make room on the bed, a concerned, tired look on his face. As years went by, he looked more and more like Dad—perfect hairline, pointy chin, slim lips. They had the same eye shape and colour, and the one thing Nick took after our mother was the nose.
I was the opposite. I looked like Karen’s carbon copy with an unnaturally symmetrical face, naturally plump lips and large eyes that made me look frightened half of the time.
“Dad will listen, but he can’t answer, baby girl,” Nick sighed. “Talk to me; I’ll help the best I can. You tell Thomas more than you tell me.”
I finished with nude pink lipstick and turned to face Nick.
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I heard you yesterday. Why do you trust him more?”
“It has nothing to do with trust. I’m afraid to hurt you more than I already had. Thomas doesn’t take it so personally…”
Nick scoffed. “Yes, he does. He just doesn’t let you see it. Is that what you expect? That I’ll act like nothing happened? How am I supposed to do that?!” He rose to his feet to pace the room but changed his mind before he reached the window. He crouched beside me; anger long gone. “I don’t want to pretend; and I don’t wantyouto pretend. I swear, sis, I’ll cry with you. Just let me in.”
I entwined my hands on his neck and kissed his forehead, leaving some of the lipstick there.
“It’s not Adrian who keeps me up at night.” I hid my face in the crook of his neck. “It’s Thomas. Leaving was the right decision for everyone involved. Adrian needed help, and Thomas deserves much better than me… But it doesn’t mean I stopped loving him.”
“He’s hurt and doesn’t trust you, but he can’t stay away from you to save his life. I think he needs time, sis. You both do.”
Nick hugged me tight, and I almost wept when I realised his proximity no longer alarmed me in the slightest. It wassoothing.
“I love you,” I muttered.
“Not more than I love you,” he countered the way he always did.
“Hey, what about me?!” Amelia entered the room and wrapped her arms around us, her wet hair in my face.
“Okay, enough,” Nick chuckled. “You’ll ruin my shirt. I’ve got a meeting in one hour, and I need to get going.”
“Not before you call Ty. He’s been blowing up your phone for ten minutes straight,” Amelia gave him the cell, sizing me up with approving eyes. “Nice jeans,” she chuckled, complimenting her own sense of style as she was the one who convinced me to buy them.
Nick pressed the phone to his ear, taking a seat on the bed. Ty’s voice boomed from the little speaker and filled the air seconds later.
“Finally! Where is Nadia? I need to talk to her.”
I was on the move, hearing the anxious tone of his voice, but Nick rose his hand, stopping me mid-step.
“About what? What’s going on?”
“Adrian’s losing his shit. He knocked out two doctors last night, then jumped out of asecond-floor window just to get to a phone so he could call her and apologise.”
