Page 208 of Powerhouse: Boxed Set
“Leave her alone, Mom,” Tinsley said in a soft, pleading tone.
It would only make my mother turn on her, too, so I said, “Don’t worry about me, Tins.”
Everyone knew I was a failure. A compulsive, worthless failure. Why not just join in with the pitiful joke of the whole damn thing? So, I did. Just like usual, I did. I pasted on my own fake smile, and then I summoned up my finest bravado for the room.
I did it for me. I did it in the face of Uncle Lionel and all the shit he made me feel inside. I did it because I didn’t know what else to cling to, other than my own spectacle of glorifying myself somehow in this hell of a room.
I put my hand in the air to bid on a penguin adoption at the local zoo, ignoring the pounding in my chest, knowing plenty fine that I was in too much debt already to give a shit about a few more thousand dollars. I could win this. I could win this and win the applause that went along with it. Just a small smattering of applause for the small little soul who couldn’t do any better than adopt a fucking penguin.
But it wasn’t a few thousand dollars I was bidding, not after the first few seconds.
Five thousand…eight thousand…twelve…
Mom was scowling at me, but I was past it, downing more champagne and keeping my hand in the air. I wasn’t going to lose this. I got an allowance like any good heiress, but not enough to cover this. She knew I was broke. She just didn’t realize how broke.
Harriet squeezed my knee under the table, but I took no notice.
Eighteen thousand dollars! Eighteen!
“Elaine,” Mom began, but I didn’t listen, just kept my hand up high.
I don’t know why I wanted this so bad.
Lionel laughed at me, trying to brush aside my efforts as nothing, and that made it burn all the harder in my chest, keeping my hand right on up there.
I didn’t have eighteen thousand dollars. I barely had anything left anymore. I’d used it running up debt in places I shouldn’t…inpeopleI shouldn’t. Places and people I could never share with my family without them scoffing at me. The Power brothers were after me and my debts, charging interest at an unbelievable rate knowing full well I was broke.
Twenty thousand dollars!
My mind was swimming in the fear and the shame and the insanity of not knowing my own heart anymore. It was swimming in the need to win, just to be someone, even if it was just for a few short moments of getting the cheers from the crowd.
“Elaine!” Mom tried again, but I didn’t listen.
Harriet squeezed my knee even tighter, but I didn’t listen.
Twenty-two thousand dollars!
The woman battling me was a celebrity wrestler’s daughter who dabbled in modeling. I guess she was trying to prove herself to the room and the tabloids as much as I was.
Twenty-four thousand dollars!
Mom was scowling, even through her false whoops of cheer.
Twenty-seven thousand dollars!
Zelda Hart. The wrestler’s daughter was Zelda Hart.
Twenty-eight thousand dollars!
“Seriously,” Harriet whispered. “Please, Elaine, what are you doing? I didn’t think you had the…”
Her voice trailed off. My hand stayed high in the air.
Twenty-nine thousand dollars!
I felt sick. Hungry for attention. Fit to throw myself from the chair and give up on everything. But it was about the applause. It was about drowning out my own inner demons, just for that one short minute. It was about drowning out the demons of Uncle Lionel and his shadowy friends with their shadowy secrets in the corners of mine.
And drowning out the demon that was Lucian Morelli.
