Page 10 of Finding Carly
The meal was done in no time and they settled at the small table next to the kitchen. Jag didn’t usually sit and eat there, he ate most meals standing up in the kitchen or in the living room as he watched TV.
There was something so…homey…about sitting at a table with Carly.
She stared down at the plate in front of her in disbelief. “You don’t seriously think I can eat all this, do you?” she asked.
Jag winced at the amount of food he’d made for her and shrugged a little self-consciously. “I hate the thought of you being hungry,” he admitted. “Just eat what you can. I’ll finish what you can’t or put the leftovers in the fridge.”
They ate in silence for a moment before Jag broached the subject he’d been thinking about since he’d received her text after returning from his mission. “I’m happy to go to the police station with you. Thrilled actually. I want to find out what they’ve been doing to find Luke and to end this limbo you’re in. But why now? What changed?”
Carly chewed and swallowed the bite of eggs she’d just taken, then put down her fork and leaned her forearms on the table. “I got tired of being pathetic,” she whispered.
“You arenotpathetic,” Jag told her.
“I am. Was,” she said firmly. “I realized that hiding out in my apartment being scared wasn’t solving anything. I’ve been miserable and I miss my job, my friends. I misspeople, Jag. Going to Kenna’s wedding was so scary. I kept thinking Luke was going to jump out from behind a tree or something with a bomb strapped to him and try to kidnap me. Or blow up everyone I love. By the time I could concentrate on the ceremony, it was over. I’d completely missed it because I was stuck in my head.
“I saw Monica with the others—with Kenna, Lexie, and Elodie—and realized I don’t even know her. Ashlyn and Lexie talked about Food For All and the great things they were doing, and want to do, and it upset me that I had no idea what they were talking about. And the fact that Theo kept his distance from me…kind of hurt. I haven’t been around for so long, he’s practically forgotten me. All of that stuff sort of piled on, and I started to get mad.”
Carly took a breath, and Jag couldn’t help but reach out and take one of her hands in his. He needed to touch her, to let her know that he was there for her.
She squeezed his hand and didn’t let go when she continued. “But even then, I was still terrified. The only place I felt safe was locked inside my apartment, and I knew that wasn’t healthy. Is it crazy that I wish Luke would just make his move already? Do whatever he’s going to do so I can move on with my life?”
“It’s not crazy,” Jag reassured her. “And believe it or not, what you’re feeling is normal.”
She rolled her eyes.
“It is,” he insisted. “You’ve been through a trauma and you have to heal from that before you can move on.”
“First of all,Ididn’t go through a trauma,” Carly said a little belligerently. She removed her hand from his and crossed her arms with a huff. “Kenna did. She suffered in my place and that eats at me. And secondly, I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain. You could never understand.”
It was the second time she’d said something like that. The first was at Kenna and Aleck’s wedding. She’d said that he wouldn’t understand what it felt like to be vulnerable.
Jag hadn’t told anyone what happened to him when he was a kid. Not one person. He suddenly had the urge to confide in Carly. Tell her just how wrong she was.
But instead, he swallowed the words and kept his gaze locked on hers. “You’d be surprised at what I understand,” he told her. “But the bottom line is that youweretraumatized by your ex. And I’m not talking only about that night he took Kenna hostage either.”
Carly stared at him warily. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. I don’t know the details, but a man like Shawn doesn’t go from being a model boyfriend to strapping a bomb to his chest to kidnap and torture you in the blink of an eye. And you’re too smart to get involved with someone who treats you like shit. I’m guessing hestarted outas a good boyfriend. Treated you like a princess. Made you feel great. Then he probably slowly started to change. Make comments here and there that were belittling. Nothing that a quick apology wouldn’t fix.
“From there, he probably said shit about you to his friends and son behind your back…making you feel uncomfortable when you were around them and they starting looking at you weird. Then those comments might’ve continued when you were right in front of them. He’d say something awful, apologize profusely later. The cycle would continue, may even escalate to him getting physical. I’m guessing that’s when you’d finally had enough. But by then it was too late. Shawn had already decided he owned you. That you were his. And thus the need for the protective order and his descent into bat-shit crazy.”
Carly’s mouth was open and her arms had uncrossed and fallen into her lap. She stared at him in disbelief.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Jag asked.
“I…Yeah, pretty much,” she whispered.
Jag reached out and picked up one of her hands again. He held it tightly, resting their hands on the table. “He’sthe asshole here, angel, not you. He had something precious and he treated it like shit. He deserved what happened to him, and I’m not in the least sorry that night ended with him being blown to pieces. I hate thinking about what you went through with him, and the fact you had the strength to leave, to tell him to go fuck himself, makes me proud as hell.”
He watched her swallow hard. “He changed so much,” she said quietly. “I never would’ve dated him if he’d shown me his true colors from the start.”
“I know,” Jag soothed.
“I feel so stupid.”
“You shouldn’t. Not at all. Again, he’s the asshole, Carly. The guy who put you in this position. Remember that, okay?”
She tilted her head and said the last thing he expected to hear. “Wait, is that a quote from the movieSpeed?”
