Page 71 of Not Since Ewe
And now I wanted to die. Debra might only be ten years older than me, but I’d always thought of her as a maternal figure. Definitely not someone I talked about my sex life with.
“That’s an interesting shade of red you’re turning,” she observed wryly.
“Seriously, are you telepathic? How do you do that?”
She shrugged. “It’s written all over your face.”
“Great,” I muttered, sitting down at my desk and plugging in my laptop.
“So who was it?” Furrows sprouted across her brow. “It wasn’t your ex-wife, was it?”
“No! God, no.” And that was as much as I’d be telling Debra for now. I didn’t want to go jinxing anything by getting ahead of myself. If things kept going well, she’d know soon enough. The woman managed pretty much my whole life for me and had dossiers on my kids, mother, and ex-wife that included their birthdays, food sensitivities, and favorite flowers. It was only a matter of time before she started collecting information on Tess as well. Hopefully. Assuming I didn’t fuck this up.
“Good.” Debra gave me a proud nod. “In that case, I’m happy for you. It’s about time you put yourself back out there.”
I shot her a warning look. “It’s not a big deal. Don’t go making too much of it.”
Except it felt like a big deal. The biggest. But I needed to keep a wrap on those kinds of feelings. At least for now.
In all the time Tess and I had spent together this weekend, not once had we ventured near the subject of our relationship. We’d both skirted carefully around any discussion of the future beyond what we wanted to order for our next meal. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for that or not. This whole situation felt like walking on a tightrope. If I leaned too far out, my precarious balance would fail and the ground would come flying up to meet me.
We hadn’t even decided to spend the whole weekend together. It had just sort of happened. A series of seemingly spur-of-the-moment decisions that had never ended up with us going our separate ways.
Until this morning, when my alarm had gone off and I’d scrambled around for my clothes before bidding Tess a hurried goodbye on my way back to my place to get ready for work.
We hadn’t made any plans to see each other again. Something I was seriously regretting now.
Unlocking the physical intimacy achievement had changed things between us, but the big unanswered question was how, exactly. I didn’t have a clear idea where we stood. Were we serious? Exclusive? Friends with benefits? Had this weekend been some kind of one-time-only extended booty call? Or the start of something more?
I knew what I wanted—serious, exclusive, and definitely a lot more. My heart had gone all soppy and squishy where Tess was concerned. But I was trying to take a wait and see approach. Not add any unnecessary pressure into the mix.
Which was all well and good in theory, but I needed to know when I’d see Tess again. I needed to know that Icouldsee her again. On the one hand, I didn’t want to seem too clingy and scare her off. On the other, I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t interested in seeing more of her. Alotmore.
Dammit, this dating shit was complicated—assuming that was even what we were doing—and I was seriously rusty. It’d been over twenty years since I’d had to navigate this kind of stuff. All the rules had probably changed.
We hadn’t had smartphones the last time I’d done any dating. We’d only barely had texting or social media. I’d spent a lot of late nights chatting with Wendy on AOL Instant Messenger. It had taken me forever to ask her out. I’d had my head stuck pretty far up my own ass, and somehow hadn’t realized the girl who stayed up past midnight almost every night talking to me was actually interested in going out on a date.
I liked to think I was a little more self-aware these days. I also wasn’t inclined to sit back on my heels and do nothing. If I wanted something, I went for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
After Debra finished going over my calendar and to-do list with me and retreated back to her desk, I typed out a text to Tess.
Are you free for dinner tonight? I was thinking I could take you out.
I stared at it, trying to decide if it was a good idea to send it.
Fuck it. I wanted to see her. What was the point of pretending otherwise? She could always say no if she wasn’t up for it. But one of us had to put ourself out there. It’d be ridiculous not to ask when there was a chance she might be into it.
I hit send and set my phone down.
What I wasn’t going to do was sit here staring at it while I waited for her to reply. I had a full day ahead of me and needed to get my head in the game.
Except no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on my laptop screen, my eyes kept sliding over to my phone, checking for a new notification.
Over.
And over.
And over again.
