Page 61 of Renegade
Chapter Sixteen
Walker
I freeze. “What?”
“Pineapple. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” Her voice wobbles.
“Because of Declan,” I say flatly. I knew it was a long shot coming here this way, but after she left, I knew I couldn’t let the best thing that ever happened to me walk away without a fight. But I’d been a damn idiot thinking she would want me.
I quickly unclip the cuffs holding her wrists behind her and remove the spreader bar. I don’t take the time to unbuckle the cuffs, because before I walk away from her—maybe forever, since I have probably irreparably fucked up our friendship—I have something to say. I’ve spent a third of my life protecting Gemma, and old habits die hard.
She might not want to be with me, but I’ve got to try one more time to talk her out of Declan. I turn her so she’s facing me and pull the blindfold off. Those eyes of hers that I love so much are filled with tears. It guts me. “Fuck, baby. Don’t cry.” A lone tear spills onto her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to do anything. I just thought—”
I just thought we might have a chance. That she might love me a fraction of the amount that I love her. But she doesn’t need to hear that. “Look, Declan’s not right for you, Gemma. I know at first I didn’t think you were cut out to be submissive, but you proved me wrong. You took everything I dished out with spunk and such passion and responsiveness that it made me want to push you more, just to see how far I could take you. There was such intimacy in taking you to the edge and back. It was fucking amazing. Amazing enough to make me think that with a woman like you, I could totally buy into this dominant shit and not just pretend to be one.”
Her eyes widen. “What do you mean?”
I might as well come clean with her. “Those pictures you saw on my laptop…I was just doing research so I’d look like I knew what I was doing at the Dominion. I’m not really a dominant. I should have told you, but you were so excited, and you wanted my help—I’ve never been able to tell you no. But more importantly, I didn’t want Declan to hurt you, and I thought if I helped you explore what he wanted safely, you’d see he wasn’t right for you. He might be a great guy, but he’s old enough to be your father! He shouldn’t be preying on some gorgeous twenty-five-year-old with her whole life ahead of her. But it was more than that. That checklist he sent you? That’s bullshit. He doesn’t want a submissive; he wants a doormat—someone meek and mild-mannered who looks up at him in adoration and does everything he says. You’re the most amazing woman in the whole fucking world, but that’s not you!
“You shouldn’t be tamed. Ever! It’s one of the things I love the most about you—your strength and your passion and your fire. A real man—a man who’sworthy of you—will appreciate the beauty in a strong, badass woman giving herself to him. He’ll revel in the challenge, in the banter and the pouty looks, in the thrill of the chase and the struggle for power and the way she challenges him. And it will mean all the more to him when she gives that power and control over to him, because he’ll know she’s choosing him. That’s how you made me feel. Like a goddamn hero.”
I tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear. “I’ll be honest. In the beginning, Iwastrying to get you to say your safe word so you’d admit you didn’t have a submissive bone in your body and give up on Declan. I didn’t want him to hurt you. But the more we explored, the more I realized I was wrong about you. I don’t know if you’re submissive or not. But I know you are so much more than the box he wanted to put you in, and I’m not going to allow it.”
She gives me that oh-really look that I love.
I trace her cheek with my finger. “I’ve always said you were a storm.”
There’s a hint of a smile on her lips. “I remember. You used to call me Hurricane Gemma.”
I nod. “Sometimes you’re a storm that needs to be unleashed—when you have all that passion and energy brewing and it just needs an outlet and somewhere to go. Sometimes you need to be tamed—to know that there’s someone who’ll brave the thunder and the lightning and step inside it with you, someone who’s strong enough to subdue the wind and hold you tight when the storm rages. And sometimes you just need someone to dance in the rain with you. Some men are afraid of the storm. But I fucking love it. I love you.” The words are out of my mouth before I realize it, but once it’s done, there’s no taking it back. I might as well tell her everything.
“Not just as a friend. You’re my everything. You’re the one I think about when I fall asleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up. When something good happens, you’re the one I want to tell, and when it’s bad, you’re the one who always knows how to make me feel better. You make me want to be a better person. I want to be the one you turn to when you’re sad, the one who protects you from everything, and the one who sets your mind and your body and your soul on fire.”
Her eyes are shimmering with tears again. Christ, I’m fucking up everything. I scrub my hand over my face.
“I’m sorry, baby. I know I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. I have no right to tell you any of this. I know you said your safe word…you stopped me because of the thing you have with Declan.”
“No, you idiot. I didn’t say my safe word because of Declan. I said it because of you.”
“What?”
“I love you, too, Walker. I think I always have, but you always had so many beautiful women chasing after you, I knew you couldn’t be interested in me…”
“Like hell!” I swear. “It was always you, since the day I first laid eyes on you in Mrs. Patterson’s Algebra 2 class and you smiled at me.”
Her eyes are still shimmering with tears, but she’s smiling, and I suddenly feel like I’m staring at a rainbow after a torrential downpour.
“This week with you…I didn’t know I could feel the way you made me feel. Every time you kissed me, every time you made me come, every time you took my vulnerability and turned it into something beautiful and strong, I lost a little more of my heart. Tonight…” She falters. “Tonight…you wanted it all. And I knew if I gave you everything, I’d never be whole again. That’s why I said my safe word.”
I pull her to me, crushing her against my chest as I hold her tightly, my chin on her head. “Oh, baby, I do want it all,” I growl. “I want all of you. I won’t settle for any less. Just because you fight the world on your own doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to rest your head on my shoulder at the end of the day and know I’ve got you.” I tilt her chin up so I can see herface. “What about Declan?”
“There is no Declan. I told him I wasn’t interested. From the beginning, I thought it was the dynamic that I craved, that made me feel alive, but it was you. When Declan came over tonight, I felt nothing. It doesn’t mean anything without love. I can’t drop the barriers and be vulnerable to someone and give them the ultimate power over me without being able to trust them. And I can’t imagine trusting anyone the way I trust you. Or loving anyone the way I love you,” she adds softly.
“Me too, sweetheart. I love you with all of my heart and soul, with everything that I am.”
I take her hand, threading our fingers together as I bring our joined hands to my lips and kiss her knuckles. She smiles. “I hate to break it to you, Walker, but youarea fucking dominant, whether you realize it or not.”
I raise my eyebrows. “You think?”
