Page 50 of Renegade
“You okay?”
I nod. “I kind of panicked. It’s so big. I felt so out of control.”
“That’s kind of the idea,” he says, the corners of his mouth twitching. “And it turns me on like you wouldn’t believe,” he adds, his voice lower. “Let’s try it a little slower, okay?”
I can’t be a submissive if I panic the first time someone puts a gag in my mouth. This is probably nothing compared to what Declan will expect, judging by the list he gave me. But knowing it turns Walker on is what really convinces me I can do it. I take a deep breath and nod.
Walker rubs his thumb over my cheekbone, the look in his eyes indiscernible. He brushes the black sphere gently over my lips. I open my mouth, and he pushes the ball between my teeth again gently, but this time, he doesn’t fasten the strap, he just holds it there. I last as long as I can—maybe ten seconds—before I shake my head wildly, trying to push it out with my tongue. “Shh.” His soft command is oddly comforting. I can do this. He holds the ball in my mouth with one finger, his eyes never leaving my face, making sure I’m okay. My eyes stay fixed on his, taking my courage from the look I see in them.
“You have no idea how sexy you look,” he says, his voice filled with a sort of reverent wonder. “I’ve seen pictures on Tumblr…” He shakes his head. “But baby, nothing compares to seeing it in person on you.” I stare at him, unable to speak. “You look so beautiful,” he rasps. “Somehow, your eyes are even more expressive. It’s phenomenal.”
He’s stroking my body again, his fingers inching down to explore the wetness between my legs. He delves in, and I’m not thinking about the gag anymore. “I want to fuck you like this…wearing the gag and the collar and leash.” His voice is low and guttural.
I’m not sure how I feel about the gag; it’s like the roller coaster—it makes me feel terrified, weightless, and ridiculously alive all at the same time. But I know how I feel about Walker, and I’d do anything to see that look in his eyes—as if I’m the most beautiful and cherished woman in his world. I nod.
He pulls the ball out and stares into my eyes intently.
“I want that, too,” I whisper.
“Are you sure? We said it would just be one time…”
I want him so badly I can taste it. “Shut up and gag me!” The absurdity of that statement hits us at the same time, and we both start laughing. But his smile slowly fades, replaced by a fierce urgency as he hooks a finger under the collar and tugs up, forcing me closer so our lips are mere centimeters from each other. He lowers his mouth to mine deliberately. His lips are hungry, his tongue plunging into my mouth voraciously as he holds me by the collar and kisses me. It’s even better than Declan’s light grip on my throat.
He breaks the kiss and picks up the gag.
“Wait!”
He stops, one eyebrow arching quizzically as he waits for me to explain.
“I want to taste you first.”
He sighs. “I thought we’d sorted this out. I’m onto you, sweetheart.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you start feeling like you’re not the one in control, you pull back and try to regain your equilibrium. And you do it by reversing roles, becoming the one giving pleasure instead of receiving it, because the intensity of it, and the way it makes you feel vulnerable, scares you. You don’t like to let anyone see that carefully concealed girl who’s afraid of rejection, do you?”
I stare at him, stunned. “How do you know that?”
“Because I know you, Gemma,” he says softly. “I’m never going to say no to your sweet mouth on my cock, but know this. It’s not going to change anything. You’re just putting off the inevitable. I intend to have you. On my terms.”
There’s an undeniable freedom in having someone see you so intimately, to see the wall you’ve erected and know the reason why and acknowledge it, and then slowly dismantle it brick by brick. But for the first time in my life, that’s not what’s going on.
“You’re right, but this time, it’s different. This time, I really just want to taste you, to hold you in my mouth and feel you throb with pleasure because of me.”
He doesn’t answer, but he moves off the bed and gets to hisfeet, bringing me with him with another tug of the leash. He lets go of the leash and kisses me hard. I drop to my knees in front of him, and with the leash dangling between my breasts, I lick the long, hard length of him. I love the earthy taste of him, and the way I can my make his muscles—so rigorously disciplined by the kind of training most people can’t fathom—quiver involuntarily with nothing but my mouth. I look up at him. “You taste like I belong on my knees.”
He groans, his head rolling back. He stands motionless, his hand resting lightly on my head as I take him all the way into my mouth. I love everything about giving Walker a blow job—the salty taste of him, the smooth skin of his cock, which is a shade darker than the rest of him, the velvet softness of his shaft beneath my tongue that belies the steel core beneath, but most of all, the running commentary he gives as I throw myself into pleasuring him.
“Fuck.”
“Your mouth feels so good.”
“Oh, yeah, baby.”
“Take it all. Yes.”
“God, I love the way you look up at me with those gorgeous eyes of yours when I’m in your mouth.”
