Page 82 of Trace of Doubt
“Good one, but not the truth. The agent in me hasn’t detected your denial of ‘us.’”
Shelby’s blue-gray eyes watered, and she blinked. “‘Us’ has too many negatives. Reality is key here. How would you ever explain me? And what about your family? How would they introduce me? And what if they broke contact with you because of me?” She held up a finger. “I’m living the broken family relationship scenario, and it’s a miserable existence.”
“My family is forgiving.”
“You have no guarantee of their reaction. And if we... became a permanent thing, what about our kids? Do you think they’d have respect for either of us?” She tilted her head. “Your features have hardened. What are you holding back in our come-to-Jesus meeting?”
Dare I talk about the mess in my own family? “I already told you about my ex-fiancée marrying my middle brother, Andy. What I didn’t tell you is my entering the FBI was only one of the problems between us. I put my career above everything else, including her. When she wanted to discuss the wedding, our honeymoon, or even where we’d live, I didn’t have time. In short, she accused me of putting my work ahead of her.” I shrugged. “Truth is, I did. She turned to my brother for understanding, and he gave her the time of day.”
“Another reason to blame me?”
“At the time I needed to blame someone. You and God made sense. Over the years, Andy and I made our peace, but I held on to my resentment. And my younger brother Brice can be an annoying pain.” I paused. “He recently called and apologized, so with God’s help, we’ll mend our relationship.”
“Denton, all the more reason for you to think again about us being together. You’re wasting brain cells when you have a beautiful life ahead of you with Jesus. Please.”
Her pleading stopped me. I hadn’t shown up at her doorstep to upset her with my attraction. “Shelby, I’m sorry. We can table this conversation for another time.”
“No point, Denton. There can’t be a relationship between us.I have too much respect for you and how I could damage your future.”
I grabbed my crutches and stood. “My past is over, and my future is forever changed. I’m falling in love with you, Shelby. Deal with it.”
48
SHELBY
How wonderful Denton had given his life to Jesus, but how tragic for him to believe he loved me after he’d warred against me all those years. I watched him hobble to a rental car and drive off. He’d hinted at an attraction on occasion, and I’d done a poor job of discouraging him. I should have stressed more how we could never work. My sacrifice for Marissa touched every area of my life.
In a corner of my heart where no one but God could ever enter, I longed for more than friendship with Denton. His words had added a soft blue to my life’s kaleidoscope. I treasured his company, his wisdom, his laughter, the intensity of his brown eyes, and the magnificence of his thick, mostly white hair. Reality hovered over me—with a love-filled dream came the gray. Always the gray.
Avoiding him seemed like the best solution, yet it was impossible until this ended. The only man who’d ever loved me was Dad. I’d ruined his life, and I refused to ruin Denton’s. I’d read about his brother marrying his fiancée, but the online article wasn’t a trusted source.
The phone rang—Sheriff Wendall. I dreaded bad news from any front. Maybe this time was different.
“Shelby, are you free to talk?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Your mother passed yesterday afternoon.”
I slid onto the sofa with a mix of sadness, nausea, and yet peace that Mom no longer suffered. “I knew she didn’t have long, but the news is still devastating. Has my dad changed his mind about my attending her funeral?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“Mom and I shared closure when I saw her. Guess that’s the best way to remember her. I appreciate your call.”
Alone in my home, I shed tears for losing my mother, for the heartache I’d caused her. For the love and nurturing she’d given me while I was growing up.
Contemplating a walk in the woods, among the sweetness of nature drew me outside. I carried Joy into the canopied shade. Like a child who refused to be comforted, I cried into her silky coat. Talking to Edie tempted me, but the idea of her hearing me sob didn’t sit well. I missed Amy-Jo too and her no-nonsense approach to life.
Marissa texted me about Mom’s passing and canceling tomorrow’s meetup. The idea of Aria and her in danger tore at my protective nature.
The funeral is Friday morning. I’ll check in before the weekend is over to reschedule.
Be safe.
I will. Dad’s in bad shape. Losing Mom was hard for all of us.
Do you need to talk?
