Page 72 of Defying Ella
“Maybe we should shelf the whole thing. Just enjoy some nice food and get a little tipsy,” Mel suggested. She waved down the waitress before anyone could respond.
With wine on the way and menus shoved into all our hands, she finally met my stare. Concern darkened her hazel eyes. I didn’t know how to ease it. I could barely soothe myselfthese days and if she refused to believe my claims of being fine, then what could I do?
Drink a lot of wine and eat my weight in cake. Seemed like a good answer.
Three bottles of wine later, the waitress placed the plate of rich, gooey chocolate fudge cake in front of me. One bite, and the world righted itself momentarily.
“What are we going to do about tours?” Nia asked Mel.
Mel’s gaze flicked to me, passing the question off.
“Do you mean what will we do with me and Jared on a tour bus together again?” At her nod, I shrugged. “I’m not going on tour, so there’s nothing to work out.”
They all frowned at me, sharing concerned looks between them.
“Guys, I’m not crazy. I’m not being difficult for the sake of a half-arsed breakup.” I held up my hands to stop their knee-jerk responses. “I’m going to do teacher training in September. I’ll have enough to fill my time without traipsing around the globe.”
“Okay, but that’s like eight months from now,” Daphne pointed out. “What are you going to do in the meantime?”
“Still figuring that out. I have an interview on Monday, so we’ll see.” I popped a piece of cake into my mouth and savoured it, hoping that would stilt the questioning.
“And if things changed?” Alys asked, the words falling hesitantly from her lips.
She didn’t need to elaborate for me to understand her meaning.What if Jared changed his mind?
“That’s not going to be a factor.”
Nia’s brow creased. “But what if it is?”
I shouldn’t have left my flat. They all meant well, but I didn’t need or want the false hope.
“Jared’s a manwhore, guys. He always has been, and he always will be.” I stared at each of them in turn, ensuring they were listening to me this time. “I’m not going to change him and even if I could, it wouldn’t stop me from doing something that I believe will make me genuinely happy. Do you have any idea how painful it is, spending all of my time since coming home surrounded by a group of uber-productive people who have their shit together?”
Heads shook all around the table. They all watched me closely, some with concern, others, like Daphne, with understanding.
“It was terrible. For a couple of months, I felt like I was wasting my potential by not knowing where I wanted to be.” I picked up my wine glass, smiling for the first time since I’d sat down. “Finally I’ve figured it out, and whether Jared had turned over a new leaf or not, I wouldn’t have pushed it away just because it would keep me in the UK while he travelled half of the year. I’m my own person, and I’ll do whatever I want.”
I sipped my wine, holding back a smirk at their stunned expressions.
“Okay, so time to stop talking about the fuckboy, right, girls?” Sophie announced, dragging her untouched dessert towards her.
Her eyes widened, silently attempting to order them all to shut it. We all chuckled at her, but everyone followed suit without argument.
An hour later, my ears pricked up at the sound of Dan’s boisterous voice calling to the bartender. I speared Mel with daggers in my eyes and she held up her hands.
“I didn’t invite them. I promise.”
“We don’t know that it’s all of them,” Nia muttered, sliding out of the booth.
Nia, Alys and Daphne disappeared down the hallway while the pressure of Mel and Sophie’s gazes burned against my skin. I settled back against my chair and continued to eat my cake. I had nothing to worry about. I warned him to stay away from these get-togethers, so he wouldn’t have come to the pub.
“Grab some more chairs, Jared,” James said behind me.
My certainty died before it had a chance to take root. My stomach hit the floor and I tensed against an instinctive flinch.You don’t care about Mr Loves-and-Leaves.James slid into the booth, smiling at me like he hadn’t just announced the arrival of my enemy.
“I’m good. I’ll be out front,” Jared said, his voice carrying far too clearly for him not to be close. I refused to turn around, refused to acknowledge that he existed.
“What? Don’t be a bloody idiot.” James stood, his face marked with a similar level of worry the girls had directed at me. “It’s busy out there, you’ll get mobbed.”
