Page 80 of Defying Ella
“What?”
“Trust your instincts this time.”
Like I hadn’t before?
I frowned. “What does that mean?”
“If he figures his shit out and he tries to reach out, trust your instincts before you shut him down.”
Then it clicked. In the lodge, something inside me questioned his every action. That same voice had whispered that he’d turn his back on me again. I hadn’t trusted my instincts then and I got hurt. Maybe she had a point.
“Okay, I promise.”
Surprise flickered across her face before she shut it down with a smile.
“Great.” She glanced between my cup and the kettle. “Do you want another cup of tea?”
“Nah, I’m going to play with Phoebe for a bit. She’s overdue a tickle attack,” I whispered, grinning.
Playing with my niece would take my mind off the things I couldn’t control. For a little while, at least.
“Before you do that, what are you doing tonight?” she asked before I could move.
“Nothing. Why?”
“Mam’s babysitting and we’re all going to a gig. You should come.”
Multiple questions shot to the surface. All being who? What band? If the Rhiannon guys were going, would Jared bethere? Probably. Had they hired security or would it turn into yet another mob scene? Would Jared freak out this time? And what if the reason I hadn’t heard from him in a month was because he’d moved on?
What if I went and he spent the night all over another woman?
I knew the answer to that one without issue. It would gut me.
“Thanks, but I’m busy.”
Mel didn’t argue. Still, she didn’t mask her disappointment, and I spent the rest of my afternoon wondering if I’d missed an opportunity.
That evening, I sprawled out on the sofa with a blanket, a glass of wine and a book I’d been looking forward to reading for months. It should have been the perfect night.
Only I couldn’t focus on the page.
No matter how much I tried, I kept rereading the same sentence over and over again. While my mind replayed my conversation with Jared, hunting for signs that I’d messed up.
Only that line of thinking made me angry, because I hadn’t messed up. What woman would take the word of a man who’d messed her around multiple times before at face value?
No, my caution was perfectly valid, then and now. Nothing had truly changed beyond the fact that this time around, Jared had wormed his way too deep for me to easily shake him.
Satisfied and feeling slightly less like a failure for not being able to control the uncontrollable, I picked my book up again. I turned to the first page and started from the beginning.
Then a knock sounded on my front door.
I dropped the paperback on the coffee table with a sigh.Throwing off the blanket, I climbed to my feet and trudged towards the door, frowning all the while.
“Open up, Els,” Jared said from the other side of the door, amusement lifting his voice. “I can hear you overthinking in there.”
I held my breath, urging myself to calm the fuck down and open the door.
“Or we can have another conversation through a door.”
