Page 64 of Defying Ella
He seemed perfectly fine on stage. Since I’d known him anyway. All flirty smiles and smouldering looks, the perfect rock star.
“A couple of months ago. Before we went on tour.” His fingers plucked at my tank top, twisting it. “At the gigs, I expect it. I don’t expect it when I’m in a bar with my friends.”
“Does it set off your anxiety?”
His chin bumped my head as he nodded.
“Have you talked to the guys about it?”
He shook his head. Of course not.
“Maybe if you did that, they’d be able to help you.” Ichewed my lip, thinking furiously. If I paused too long, he’d shrug my suggestion off. If there was one thing I’d learned about Jared Michaels, it was his preference for the easy route. “They could take some of the attention off you. You’re good at putting on a mask, maybe you need to develop a smiley ‘everything is fine’ one you can put on whenever you get overwhelmed.”
“I… I can do that.”
“Yeah, you can.” I patted his chest encouragingly. “The full-on rock star life is new for you. Go easy on yourself. Give yourself some time.”
I’d never admit it to him, but hearing his fears of screwing up relieved me. Ridiculous and insensitive, I know. Yet I couldn’t deny the truth in it.
When he’d run, I thought he was rejecting me. A very real concern that I’d fallen for a commitment-phobe might have reared its head.
“Thank you, Els.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I didn’t come in here to use you as a therapist, I promise. But I guess I needed that.”
I chuckled. “Any time, Buttercup. Whenever you need a sounding board, I’m yours.”
He toyed with my hair while the silence deepened again. This time, I enjoyed it, embraced the peace of it and let my eyes fall shut.
Tiredness swept over me, my body whining for more than the measly couple of hours I’d given it.
“You should consider teaching,” Jared whispered, snapping my mind to attention.
Teach? Me?
I’d never considered it.
That was a lie.
I’d rebelled against it ever since my first day of university. When I told anyone I’d chosen to study English literature, theyassumed I’d teach. Some weren’t nice about it, shrugging off my choice of degree like it was a copout they couldn’t imagine me doing anything else with it. There had been loads of choices.
None of them had spoken to me, unfortunately.
“Your patience is endless,” Jared continued. His heart raced beneath my ear as his accent thickened and his words tumbled together. “I don’t know how you kept from taking my head off when we first got snowed-in here. I wasn’t exactly the most pleasant person to be around in those first few days.”
“You were on the verge of a full-out anxiety attack.” I lifted my head and my eyes strained in the darkness, trying to read his expression. “You’d never shown me signs of your anxiety before, so while it was a shock, of course I would try to help you. I’m human.”
Jared snorted. “Els, human doesn’t equal compassionate. I’ve met plenty of indifferent people who would have washed their hands of me after what I put you through.” His fingers grazed my cheek. I jumped before registering the gesture and settling into the caress. “You’re one of a kind, beautiful. Embrace it.”
Emotion clogged my throat, and I wished yet again that I could turn the light on to read his expression. No one had ever said something so sweet. I needed to commit every tiny detail to memory.
“Thank you,” I croaked.
“Don’t start crying on me.” His arm tightened and then he rolled us so that he hovered over me. “You know how shit I am at dealing with tears, Sparky.”
I laughed at the desperation in his voice.
“You can’t run from the room this time, either.”
“Exactly,” he grumbled. “I’ll have to resort to distracting you and I don’t exactly have a lot of tools at my disposal right now.”
