Page 45 of Defying Ella
“Well fuck.” He collapsed back against the bed, throwing an arm over his face.
“Sorry.”
I wanted to slap myself for that one word. It wasn’t like I had planned to place a generator in a shed away from the main house. I also hadn’t caused the power outage. Yet I still patted him on the shoulder.
“What are we going to do?” he asked, his voice muffled against his arm.
I didn’t have an answer and I couldn’t get any empty promises filled with false hope past my lips.
“Drink our weight in tea and hope there’s a deck of cards?”
Jared chuckled. “Yeah, because beating you in poker is exactly what I need right now.”
“Hey, for all you know, I’m the queen of poker.” I slapped his arm.
He lowered his arm to study me a little too closely with that smug light in his eyes. If only my body would quit with the electricity between us. One look, and I needed to press my thighs together to escape the ache. The smirk tugging at his lips didn’t help.
“Are you sure about that?”
“Find me a deck of cards, and I’ll prove it.” I issued the challenge staring straight into his eyes. One day I would learn not to challenge him all the time, but I just couldn’t resist.
We won’t talk about the dread unfurling in my gut and the fact I fervently hoped he didn’t find a deck. Because I would most definitely lose.
He threw the blanket back and I caught his arm before he could rush off to do just that.
“I didn’t mean right now.” I rolled my eyes at his eagerness. “We can at least enjoy this for another ten minutes before you set out on your next quest to bring me down.”
He glanced between me and the empty space. “Enjoy what exactly?”
“The peace and quiet.”
I didn’t take his sigh as an agreement, but when hestretched back out on the mattress at my side and didn’t make another attempt to get up, pleasant surprise rippled through me. It almost felt like we’d been transported back to our first week together, when we’d barely left my flat and just enjoyed each other openly. No pussyfooting around, no secrets or expectations. The fact I yearned for that blissful ignorance should have annoyed me.
“What’s with the frown? I’m doing what you asked.” Jared shifted to his side, studying my face a little too closely.
To share or not to share?
Wait, I’d already done all the bloody sharing in this messed-up relationship.
“Nuh-uh. It’s your turn. I gave you a secret last night. You were meant to tell me if you were yourself when we met.”
He rubbed at his jaw, a sheepish light entering his eyes. “I’m not going to lie, I was hoping you’d forget about that.” My brows rose, but I kept my lips firmly sealed. “Fine, I was more myself than I normally allow with other people.”
“That sounds very much like a non-answer.”
“Well, it’s the truth. I don’t let people get close to me, Els.” His sad eyes bore into mine, begging me to understand. “I’m a shit judge of character, and if I’m not careful, it’ll get me into trouble without my ever intending to be there in the first place.”
“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”
“I am.” He nodded, his gaze unwavering as he assessed my reaction. “I didn’t have the best role models growing up. My dad was a useless layabout, while my mother worked her ass off to keep me and my three sisters. I fell in with the wrong crowd, believed I wouldn’t amount to anything, so I played at delinquent with my friends. When that nearly blew up in my face… without Ryan or our music teacher…” He blew out a breath. “I don’t want to think about where I might have ended up.”
Words failed me. I’d seen glimpses of a different personbeneath his confident player bravado, but nothing would have prepared me for the truth. I threaded our fingers together, squeezing his hand in the only form of support I could offer.
“A bunch of the kids I hung out with on the estate got caught breaking and entering one night, and I swear my life flashed before my eyes.” His expression pinched and I could almost taste his fear on my tongue. “I’d just found something I loved, something that could get me out of that hellhole, and I nearly lost it.” Moisture simmered in his eyes.
“What happened?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Those boys did time. I got a job in the local shop and ignored every negative word that fell from my dad’s lips.” His thumb rubbed circles on my hand, soothing me when he was the one in pain. “I applied myself in school and with the band. Then when Ryan mentioned going to Glasgow for uni, I reached for it with both hands and didn’t look back.”
