Page 37 of Between Takes
“My dad wasn’t a nice person to be around. All he cared about was drinking.” Shaun glanced at the bottle on the ground, registering the irony of his words. Here he was, repeating his father’s mistakes. “He worked to drink and anything in between was just in the way – including me and my mother. He wasn’t always physically abusive, but words cut deeper than a fist, anyway.” Shaun shrugged, his dead eyes shifting to me and gutting me with that single look. “I only survived it because of Lily and Ryan, my mate. Ryan was a determined bastard back then – still is – who wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
He shook his head, and the Shaun I’d left this morning surfaced at last. He shifted in his seat until he faced me, fixing that sad mix of amusement and pain on me.
“I’d get a good mark in something and Dad would belittle me, claim it was all pointless because I’d never amount to anything. My mother worked her ass off to support us, and he just kept drinking it all away.”
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like.” I truly couldn’t. My family had always been nothing but supportive. Sure, I’d accused my parents of abandonment when they’d announced their move to Cornwall, but I’d been joking and they’d known it. This was… I had no words for the shitshow he’d grown up with.
“When I got offered my first modelling job, I thought it was a joke. When your father’s yelling abuse at every little decision you make, understanding that I actually had something people wanted was…” He stared at me, his gaze unfocused as he searched for the word. “Foreign. I nearly turned it down, and then Ryan flipped out when I told him how much they were offering to pay, which dragged Lily into it. There was no turning it down with the two most stubborn people I’d ever known ganging up on me.”
Again, he was smiling and his entire demeanour changed, softened. I wanted to see more of this man. The man who couldn’t believe his best friends would care enough to stop him making bad life decisions, who appreciated them for their support.
“Without the pair of them, who knows where I’d be.” He lifted the glass to his lips and took a deep drink. “If he hadn’t died, I probably would have skipped the country with Lily. It was easier to pursue my dreams without facing his scorn every day.”
Shaun’s haunted eyes searched mine. They begged for comfort. I clenched my fists in my lap until the pain of my nails digging into my palms reminded me why that would be a bad idea.
“It’s twisted, but sometimes I think I wouldn’t be the person I am today without his abuse. Like, I wouldn’t be as strong or something ridiculous like that.” His laugh was bitter.
“Is that why you’re drinking so much?” I whispered. My heart had dropped to somewhere in my stomach as I uttered those words without thought.
Really, Mona? Did you have to go and ruin the mood?
His head fell back against the sofa and he shut his eyes. For a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer, and relief became a tangible thing I could taste, a mix between marshmallow and sweet cherries.
“I didn’t used to,” he said, his voice just a thread of sound. My gaze jumped to his, and he rolled his head towards me. His lips were set in a grim smile. “Before Lily and everything blew up, I hadn’t really overindulged. Seeing your father wreck himself and anyone around him kind of puts a damper on a Friday-night binge, you know?”
I nodded but kept my mouth shut. He frowned at the half-full glass.
“I can’t even remember what drove me to reach for it every time the pain got to be too much. Isn’t that stupid? Can’t remember what made me look at a drink as medication. There was an incident, I know there was, but I can’t for the life of me remember.”
Tears shimmered in his eyes when he glanced back at me and I couldn’t take it anymore. Taking a breath, I reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing, trying to communicate that I wanted to help without forcing the words past the lump choking me. Shaun’s face relaxed. He threaded our fingers together, holding tight.
My heart couldn’t take the rollercoaster that was Shaun Martin. It pounded against my ribcage. It was a wonder Shaun couldn’t hear it. He just wanted a friend, someone who wouldn’t judge him for having a past.
“I need to stop,” he whispered.
He considered the amber liquid in his glass with a pained expression. His hands shook as he handed the tumbler to me.
“Is that definitely what you want?” I asked, keeping my voice as casual as I could. He wasn’t on the verge of committing to a life of sobriety. This was just a normal conversation people had with their bosses.
“Yes. It’s turning me into my dad.” He reached out, caressing my cheek. “The things I said to you, to the crew… I don’t want to be that person.”
I nodded, my mind racing with the things I needed to do. Find him a sponsor, sweep the trailer and the equipment room for bottles. Didn’t alcoholics always have a hidden stash? Should I sweep his flat too?
“Okay. How about we get you home to bed and deal with the logistics of this in the morning?”
His head fell back against the sofa again, but he nodded.
“Shall I get Tom to stop for some food for you?” It was a perfectly normal question for an assistant to ask, but it stood out stark against his momentous decision. We should be celebrating, but from the set of Shaun’s jaw, I knew that was the last thing he wanted.
Shaun agreed before launching to his feet. He stared at me, indecision eating him. I waited while he sorted his thoughts. I’d wait as long as he needed.
“I don’t trust myself to throw it all out,” he said, his breath hitching slightly. “Will you…” He swallowed, turning away and raking a hand through his hair.
“I’ll clean out the set and trailer. I’ll even have a chat with production and the producers if you want.”
“No!” he shouted, his eyes widening. “No, don’t tell them. I don’t want anything to change.”
I frowned. “You don’t want them to know you were suffering from an addiction and your shitty behaviour will be a thing of the past?”
