Page 214 of Savior
“You don’t.”
“I saw the way you looked at Viking.”
“Dean-”
“I’m not saying you want him to fuck you… but after all of that fuck me like you mean it talk… I thought that was just about the cabin. But there was something about you, the other night after that hand job. And I can’t help but feel like I’m letting you down in some ways.”
I stand up to hold his face in my hands. “No. You are an amazing, attentive lover, Dean. You have never left me unsatisfied. You have never let me down, period.”
His hands gently grip my wrists, but he makes no attempt to pull my hands from his face. “The way you looked at him, though… That primal need darkening your eyes… To see you look at another man in that way… I was jealous… so fucking jealous in that moment… And disappointed in myself.”
“I don’t want anyone but you.” I sigh, feeling terrible he witnessed my hormone driven admiration of Viking’s body.
“I think about you and this baby constantly. If I ever did anything to…” he pauses, swallowing hard, a pained look in his eyes. “Hurt you. This baby. Our family. You mean more to me than anything in this world.” His hands drop from my wrists to place them on my belly. “You are my world, Vanna. Both of you. The fact that you’re even carrying my child, is nothing short of a miracle… And I just can’t bring myself to be a… a ruffian with you now.”
I bite my lip to prevent a giggle at his choice of words. “A… ruffian?”
His brow furrows at my laughter. “Do you understand what I’m trying to convey to you?”
“Yes. But you don’t have to handle me with kid gloves, Dean. I’m not quite as fragile as you seem to think. Even if you gave it to me as hard as you could-”
“That’s not going to happen.” He says sternly, and I have to fight back my urge to laugh again at his serious expression. “I mean it, Vanna.”
“I know you do.” I barely manage to get the words out. “I’m just saying. The doctor said whatever we do, is fine. As long as I’m not experiencing pain. She even said a little spotting after sex is normal, if it isn’t prolonged.”
He actually looks horrified at the possibility of that happening, and I have to bite my tongue again.
“I don’t want to chance anything, Vanna.” The expression in his eyes shifts from slightly horrified to pleading, as if he’s silently begging me to back off.
“Alright.” I sigh.
“What am I doing so wrong?” he asks. “Early on, everything drove you wild… Now I feel like I’m really letting you down.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong. I just don’t want you to feel like you’re going to break me. You can’t. You won’t.”
“I know I won’t.” he says with conviction.
“Sometimes… since I’ve gotten bigger, it feels like you’re not as into being with me.” I admit, pulling my hands from his face to rest them on my bulging baby bump. “I know all this isn’t exactly… attractive.”
Dean suddenly looks heartbroken. “What?”
“I admit, I’m a little more needy of assurances from you. I get self-conscious when you aren’t into it. When you don’t take me, like…”
“Like what?”
“Like you used to.”
“Used to?”
I let out a frustrated sigh, mixed with increasing embarrassment. “Like you’d go mad if you didn’t have me. The way you conquered me. Like you couldn’t get close enough. Like I’m everything to you.”
“You are everything to me. My instincts to protect you will always over rule my sexual inclinations and desires, Vanna. I love you. I am incapable of allowing myself to even chance harming you. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that it’s because I love you, that I’m increasingly more careful with you?”
“I do… Rationally, yes. I do, Dean. Let’s just forget I said anything. You always deliver. I’m just a hormonal mess.”
“Is that really it?”
I stare at him for a moment. “The doctor said that some men are even more attracted to their pregnant partners. It seems the opposite with us. Though, she did say that was normal, too. There are various reasons why men lose their attraction.”
