Page 55 of Savior
She opens the door.
I grab it and pull it open wider, reaching for her arm and hauling her out of it. Once she’s out and clear of the door, I slam it shut and cage her up against it. She definitely looks scared. It affects me, even through my rage. But she needs to understand the consequences of her actions tonight. The danger she walked right into, willingly and despite my warnings at that!
“You did a stupid fucking thing tonight!” I try to control my temper, but I am Goddamned seething. I try to keep my hands off her when I’m this angry. But I can’t. I grip her arms again, not too tight, I don’t want to hurt her. But I am fucking holding onto her. I can’t help myself. I need to have my hands on her, for my own sanity.
“I know. I’m sorry… I was trying to help.”
Of course, she was. Fucking Vanna!
“The fuck were you thinking, woman?” I try with everything in me not to raise my voice at her. But she could have been… No, not even going to let my mind go there… God damn it. I fight down the rise of bile churning inside me, wanting to lurch up my throat. “Vanna, you better start talking…”
“I… I don’t know… I was angry with you…” She whimpers. “You never told me anything… about the letter… about Lucinda and Legion… I wanted answers. Legion has never been mean to me… I couldn’t believe he was involved with anything relating to Jack…”
This is my own damn fault for not telling her sooner. I close my eyes and press my forehead to hers. “Fuckin’ Vanna.”
“Are you mad at me?” she softly asks.
“I am livid with you.”
She reaches up to stroke my jaw. “I’m sorry… I thought if I talked to Legion face to face, he would tell me what the hell is going on.”
“How many times do I have to tell you the Demons are not good guys? Not all MCs are like the Saviors, Vanna. Many are. But not these guys. You need to stay away from them.” I plead with her. “Don’t you ever pull anything like this again. You’re not helping me when you’re putting yourself in danger.”
I feel her head nod.
They could have snatched her up. Held her from me. Forced me to do their bidding under the threat of harm against her. And I would have… I know I would have. Thank God they didn’t. Not this time, anyway. They could have let her leave on her own. They waited for me… They got to see how crazy I am about her. How fucking sloppy and irrational my actions can be over this woman. I walked right into this. But I fucking had to. They knew it. I was left without a choice.
Rage continues to burn inside of me. I keep my eyes squeezed shut, trying to will it away, but scenarios of what could have happened to her play in my mind like a twisted horror film. I can hear her pleading with her attackers, like she did with the lackey in the cabin…
“Dean…” she whispers softly. Her hands sliding down my neck to my heaving chest now. “Nothing happened.”
“Something could have happened, Vanna. You need to realize that.” I say through gritted teeth.
“But nothing did.” She persists. “I’m here with you, right now, and we’re both okay.”
I release her arms and take a few steps back from her so I can breathe. She’s not fucking getting it.
“How am I supposed to protect you from anything when you run headlong into danger every chance you get? Have you learned nothing from our ordeal with Jack? How am I supposed to protect you when you don’t fucking listen to me?” I shout at her. She only stares back at me, quiet now. Her hurt expression pains me as well, but I can’t hold back. “You fucking fight me on everything! You fought against trusting me! You fought against letting me love you! You loving me! You fight me at every fucking turn! About everything!”
I have to pace now, burn off rage. I wish there was something to swing on, to slam my fists into. The gravel in my driveway crunches beneath my motorcycle boots, the sound making me fantasize about crushing those Demons’ skulls that had her trapped in the booth with them.
“Fuck, Vanna!”
“Dean… I was just-”
“Do you realize you set me up? That you walked right into this!” I shout again, whirling around on her. She jumps, winces. I hate it, but she needs to grasp this darkness now. She needs to fully understand the repercussions of her foolish actions. “Vanna, you’re a sweet, innocent fucking kitten, and you have no idea how truly dark this world is.” I snap at her. “You think people are inherently good. They’re not. You’re a rarity. And I fucking love you for it. But you’re wrong. Look at Jack. The shit he did to you, and I know… I know you still look for ways to put that shit back on yourself… Shoulder some of the blame for what happened with him, before and after… But it’s not on you to take on everyone’s bullshit. Not Jack’s. Not mine. Not my brother’s. And certainly not whatever the fuck Legion’s problem is. We four have something in common baby, we’re all bad fucking men. And it has nothing to do with you and you can’t fucking fix any of us!”
“I don’t understand.” She whispers.
Of course, she would say that. It’s the fucking truth. I take another ten count and a deep breath before I rail on her again. I don’t want to be harsh to her. I only want to keep her safe.
“Vanna, you walked right into a trap tonight. Anything could have happened to you. Aside from being bait for me.” I try to speak more calmly now. “I know it wasn’t your intention, but baby, you exposed a major weakness beyond any shadow of a doubt.” She only looks at me, blinking with confusion. She still doesn’t understand.
“It wasn’t a trap… I went there on my own… Legion didn’t know I had any intentions of going there tonight… And… They didn’t do anything to me.”
“You didn’t hear what was being insinuated to me. I was there a bit longer than you realize.” She stares at me some more. “Don’t make me say it.” My words are a plea. “Not after what almost happened in the cabin.” Her eyes widen a bit. I watch her delicate throat as she swallows. She at least, gets this. “I don’t make demands on you because I get off on it, Vanna. I’m not a misogynist. At least I try not to be. I do it to keep you safe. Because I fucking love you, and if anything were to happen to you, that would be the end of me, too. Do you not realize how much you mean to me?”
She lowers her eyes, avoiding mine now as she wraps her arms around herself, in that fuckingway...
