Page 117 of Savior
She seems surprised for a moment, her lips parting as if she were about to say something, before she clamps her mouth shut and glances down at the ring on her finger. “I didn’t mean leaving you…” Her tone is softer now, and her eyes lift up to look at me again. “This was your mother’s ring?”
“Yes. And that kid had better be mine, too.”
Fuck!Fuck! Fuck!
Her eyes snap open wide as my words hit her… As if I had fucking hit her… God damn it…
She pays me back for them, however. With a slap across my face. I deserve it, and find myself wishing it stung more than it actually does... I know everything she’s about to say to me, is going to hurt far more than she could ever inflict on me physically... And fuck, have I earned it.
“How dare you!” she forces the words past her lips in a harsh whisper, her eyes welling up with a mixture of rage and hurt. “How fucking dare you!”
My Demons got the better of me. If I could take those last few words back, I would. I try to reach for her, but she recoils from me, her other hand moving to her ring finger, as if she’s going to pull it off.
“Don’t. Please, Vanna…don’t… I’m sorry.”
It doesn’t do any good. Her tears fall. Her fingers wrap around the platinum band…
“You know my pain, Vanna… You know my scars… You know I didn’t actually mean that! Please. Baby… Please, don’t take it off…”
“What does all this mean to you?” Her teary-eyed glare is like a dagger to the heart. “Really? This ring? The Property Of cut? Even this baby!”
I can see what she’s getting at, so I keep my mouth shut for the moment. Afraid to dig this hole any deeper than I already have.
“I love you, Dean. But none of this means you own me. Not like that. This ring, that cut, this baby… they will never be shackles!”
“I know that… Fuck… Vanna, I would never think that.”
She stares at me, the anger hasn’t dissipated in her eyes, at all. But she hasn’t pulled off the ring…
“How dare you make me feel this way. You, of all people… You, Dean.” An even more sorrowful expression seeps into her eyes, as her trembling hand reaches up to the base of her throat. “I… hit you…” she whispers, seemingly mortified by herself.
“I deserve it.” I quickly say. “I wish it would have actually hurt. In fact, hit me again. Harder. Please.”
“No...”
“I regretted the words instantly, baby. I’d honestly have asked you to slap me if you didn’t.”
She silently shakes her head as more tears roll down her cheeks.
“I forgave you before your hand even touched me, Vanna.”
“We need space.”
I fucking hate those words…
“I’m sorry… Goddamn it.” I mutter. “I lost my shit… I know there’s nothing between you and Legion… You caught me off guard… You know how protective I am over you. You know what this baby means to me. And you know my past, Vanna. I haven’t hid any of it from you. Please, meet me halfway here. You know how I feel about Legion. He’s dangerous. You know I know he’s behind everything.”
“You think you know...”
I’m not going to hash that part out with her. Not when I’m so far in the fucking red at the moment.
“Vanna, I’m sorry. Truly. I’m crazy about you. Sometimes I lose my fucking mind over you.” I can’t seem to sway her back my way. My hand rakes through my hair as I try to find the magic fucking words. “What can I do, baby? Name it. I’m so, so fuckin’ sorry.”
The moments filled with silence between us feel like eons before she speaks again. “It’s fine.” she says, softly now, though she won’t look at me. “A lot of mistakes were made that night. A lot happened. You should have been the first to know about our baby. I’m sorry for that, too.”
I try to reach for her once again, but my relief is paused mid-wave as she pulls back from me a second time.
“I need to be alone.” She says, and it’s like a fuckin knife in my chest.
