Page 39 of Miss Behaved
How has it been ten years?
The more time I spend with him this week, the blurrier my reasons for being angry have become. It’s not like either of us were ready all those years ago to face whatever it was we were feeling. Him with his dad, me with my goals.
Like Agnes, we had years of growing up to do.
And now we’ve done that, haven’t we? Or am I just wearing rose-colored glasses like I always do, wanting to see the best?
I’m not sure about Carson, but I know one thing for sure: years have passed, and I still haven’t gotten him out of my system.
“You’ve known Carson since high school, right?” Agnes says with a mischievous grin.
“Carson Calloway?” Yhani’s face turns a shade of pink, reminding me that if “Carson Calloway”were a verb, it would mean the act of losing all sensibilities.
“Longer. Since elementary school,” I say, wishing the waitress would reappear to take our food order. I need something to soak up the vodka and also get me out of this conversation.
“Wow.” Yhani’s bright green stare floats off into the distance. “What was he like back then?”
“Carson the kid?” I say, thinking. “A lot like he is now. Kind of a troublemaker, big flirt. Dated all the pretty, popular girls.” My eyes roll.
“But not you?” Yhani asks. Agnes and Nadine lean in, clinging onto anything juicy.
I shake my head. “No, we never dated. Always friends.”
It’s mostly the truth. What we did that one time, I wouldn’t consider dating. But I wouldn’t consider it a fling either. There’s a lot of labels for relationships, and still, when I think of Carson, I can’t give it a name.
The waitress finally appears and takes our order. I opt for pancakes, like maybe they can soak up the vodka and a bit of embarrassment along with it. Nadine and Yhani get distracted by a thorough conversation about group sex happening at the other end of the table, but I zone out and spin my drink with my straw.
“How you holdin’ up?” Agnes leans in. She talks quietly, so as not to catch the attention of anyone else at the table.
“Fine, sorry, thank you,” I stammer. “Just spacing out. I think this drink hit me pretty hard.”
“That or the kiss.” She grins.
My heart hammers against my ribs. “People saw that?”
Agnes shakes her head and waves up a hand. “No, not people. I peeked over and spotted it, but the group was distracted by Ry’s biceps. Did you see those things?” She holds her hand in a circle above her own arm. “I’d take a bite, or just a lick.”
I burst out laughing, but luckily the group is too wrapped up in their conversation to pay attention.
“They were pretty magnificent biceps,” I agree.
“Worth a couple chapters.” Agnes lifts her eyebrows. “But not quite like Carson’s, don’t you think?”
I take another drink, but it doesn’t cull the fire building in my center. “Carson is handsome,” I say.
Agnes narrows her eyes. “Girl, I know you are not blind. That man is a work of art, and he is obsessed with you.”
“No way.” I shake my head. “He’s bored being stuck here, and our history makes it easy for him to cling to whatever this is. But that’s all. I’m sure he’s got some supermodel with mile-long legs and double Ds at home waiting for him.”
Agnes sits back in her chair and folds her arms over her chest. “I forgot what that’s like.” She smirks.
I cinch my eyebrows.
“Being old enough to feel experienced but young enough to be completely wrong about that.” Agnes glances over at Nadine, who gives her a sideways glance, and I realize she’s listening. “You’re a gorgeous girl, Monica. And not in a factory-built kind of way. You’re a genuine beauty. And I’m not the only one who sees it.”
I open my mouth, but she holds her hand up to stop me from arguing.
“Even if there is a woman in Carson’s life, she left his mind the moment he laid his eyes on you, dear. That boy looks at you like you’re the center of the universe.” She smiles and leans closer to me. “And it’s not just because of your beauty, or because you’re brilliant and kind. That boy looks at you like you’re the fucking sun rising in his day. And as much as you want to tell me y’all were just friends all those years ago, I can tell one thing for certain: that’s not how he saw it.”
