Page 18 of Miss Behaved
That’s exactly why I need it, I think. But there’s no way I’m about to tell big-mouth Sam that living this close to Monica basically gives me a boner twenty-four seven.
“She’s just a friend,” I say, dropping onto my bed and working my way through another level of Mario. “And I’m not a total dick.”
“That’s debatable,” Sam snorts. “Meg threw an actual‘I hate Carson Calloway’party last Valentine’s Day, and I heard there was a good turnout.”
“Meg couldn’t take no for an answer,” I say, rolling my eyes.
Sam leans against my desk and crosses his arms over his chest. “That’s because people don’t say no to tits like that. Something is seriously wrong with you.”
“First I’m a dick, and now I’ve got issues?”
Sam nods.
Hitting the wrong button, I jump off a cliff and die.
“Awesome.” I toss the controller to the foot of the bed.
“What’s really up with you and that chick?” Sam tips his head toward the closed window. “You follow her around like she’s got a leash on your balls, even when you’re dating the head cheerleader.”
What’s up with Monica and me? Besides the fact that she’s drooling over the quarterback while I work my way through the cheerleading squad to distract myself, knowing that I can’t have the one girl I really want. And not just because she makes it clear on a daily basis that we’re just friends. But because deep down, I know she deserves better. Someone who isn’t a mess. Someone who can make her happy.
“Nothing,” I grumble.
“Oh, yeah?” Sam mocks. “Say it a little louder so the people in the back can hear you.”
“Stop being an ass.”
“Stop being a bitch,” he says, starting to get under my skin. “Someone’s gotta pop her cherry. If you’re not gonna go for it, I just might.”
I reach over and punch Sam in the arm as hard as I can.
“Ouch!” he yells, grabbing his shoulder. “Fuck you, man.”
Sam and I stare at each other with narrowed eyes.
Why do I even hang out with him? Besides the fact that his sister is pretty hot and his parents let him use the computer, which is my only chance to mess around in chat rooms.
“Whatever. If it’s not me, it’ll be some other douche. But I’m callin’ it, bro. She’s not the kinda girl that’s gonna be single forever. Either she’s gonna find someone, or you’re gonna finally get your head out of your ass and tie her down before we make it out of high school,” Sam says, slapping me on the shoulder and rolling off the bed. “Now I’m hungry; let’s grab some food.”
He heads downstairs without waiting for me, and I stare at the closed blinds, playing what Sam said in a loop in my head. What I wouldn’t give to be something more than Monica’s friend. But that’s the problem: I can’t.
It doesn’t matter what Sam thinks or how I feel. I won’t ever risk telling her if it could mean turning her into my mom and me into my dad.
8
Carson
I’mtorn.
One man stands in front of the mirror, and three stare back.
There’s the teenage boy I was: lovesick and too scared to admit it. The boy who knew one touch was all it would take to unravel everything good about Monica Lopez and did it anyway.
There is the man I became. Noncommittal. Shiny on the outside but secretly rotten within. I know that the rotten is bound to spread, so I keep my distance.
And then there’s the man I see when I look into Monica’s eyes. The man who—even if he broke her, and even if she hates him for what he did—her face softens for.
This retreat was supposed to be a reset. I’d go through the motions, get some distance, learn a few things. But running into Monica has me flipped inside out. There’s a keen awareness that I need to stay far away, but I’m circling like a boomerang.
