Page 103 of Mercy
Clenching my jaw, I spit out, “You’re asking too fucking much of me, Mercy. No. If I were to lose you, I’d live my life for Ivy. I will never love again; I don’t want to. I will not fucking promise you something so preposterous, so you better get this death shit out of your head. God, you piss me off.”
Standing, I take her face in my hands, “I fucking love you. And I do not love easily, so you do not get to talk like I’m going to lose you. I think I would die. I can’t live without you, baby girl. So please stop. Please,” I plead with her.
She puts her arm without the IV around me, “I’m sorry. I won’t say anymore. I love you, Liam.”
“I love you too Mercy, so goddamn much,” I kiss her. My worst fear is this is our last kiss ever.
A clearing of a throat interrupts us, and I turn to see a Nurse standing there.
“We’re ready.”
I turn back to Mercy one last time, “Positive thoughts only. I mean it, it’s important.”
She nods, “I love you, Liam,” she cries as they start to wheel her away.
“I love you too, baby girl. I’ll see you soon.”
Before they’ve even started the surgery, I’m a nervous wreck. With her death talk, this girl has gotten so deep into my head. And all I can think about is how I’ve lost her in my pursuit to keep her.
It’s a routine surgery, done every day, and the fatality rate is low. It’s a ninety percent five-year survival rate. There is nothing to be worried about.
I know this, but that ten percent is what has me concerned. That and I have always believed the mind and body are closely linked. It’s why I tell all my patients' parent’s they have to stay positive. Personally, I think if someone goes into surgery, sure that they will die, that the chances are far higher they will. I know a patient’s highest risk is not during surgery, but after they go home. Still, I can’t get the what ifs out of my head. My mind races right along with my heart that nearly pounds out of my chest. I can’t lose her.
Thirty-Seven
LIAM
I have been pacingin the surgical waiting room for what feels like hours, even though I know it hasn’t been that long. A hand on my shoulder stops me from pacing again. I turn to see Xander, and he points to a chair, “Sit.”
“I’m fine.”
He chuckles, “I don’t think you are. Regardless, you’re making these other people nervous.”
I sigh and sit down, and he sits in the chair beside me.
“Liam, she’s going to be fine. It’s-”
“Routine surgery, I know. She went into surgery, thinking she was going to die. You know my thoughts on that, Xander. Can you fucking believe that she wanted me to promise I’d find someone else if she dies?”
He laughs, “You do realize that most people worry they will die before going into surgery? I’ve never agreed with you on this. And your girl was just being emotional. It’s normal.”
“I can’t live without her,” I say under my breath.
“Jesus Liam, who the fuck are you?”
I simply shrug.
“If something happened to her you would go on without her. You wouldn’t want to, but you would, the same as she would, if something happened to you.”
He shakes his head, “I still can’t believe she turned you into this big sap.”
“Shut up, asshole.”
Putting his hand on my shoulder, “There he is.”
“Seriously, she’s going to be okay.”
I sigh, “She wants to adopt one of my patients.”
