Page 89 of Mercy
“We need you to come in to see the doctor. Can you come in today?”
As I drive down the road, I wonder why they need me to come in today. But I answer, “Yes, I am free for the remainder of the day.”
We agree that I’ll come in now. This is bizarre, I went in for a routine pap and to get more birth control because I thought I’d be having sex. I turn around and go in the other direction towards my doctor’s office.
I park and walk in to see what’s going on. I’m taken back to the examination room quickly.
Dr. Shein comes in and sits next to me.
“Your pap smear came back abnormal. Normally we just repeat it but due to your family history I want to be quick. I’d like to run some tests.”
“Okay,” I respond.
“We’ll do several tests including a colposcopy and cervical biopsy.”
“Do you think I have cancer?”
“I certainly hope not. But with your family history, I don’t want to wait to make sure. Abnormal paps happen all the time. It’s normally not cancer, but again, with your family history, I want to be certain.”
I nod, “Okay, whatever you need to do is fine.”
“The nurse will schedule everything and call you.”
She leaves me with my racing thoughts. Of course, I first want to call Liam, but I don’t, because that’s no longer an option.
I go home and call my mom because it feels like she’s all I have now. Just like I knew she would, she asked me to come home. But I tell her let’s wait for the results because we don’t even know yet.
One week later…
I’m in Dr. Shein’s office waiting for my results, and I tap my fingers on the desk. My anxiety is through the roof. If you could jump out of your skin, I just might. When she comes in, she smiles weakly, “I’m sorry, to keep you waiting for so long. I’m a little behind schedule today.” She takes a seat and gazes at me softly.
“I’m so sorry, Mercy. You have cervical cancer as well as ovarian cancer.”
When I hear those words, I think I leave my body. Just like my grandmother who died from ovarian cancer. Somewhere in the distance, I hear the words, “The good news is that we can get rid of it. I am recommending a hysterectomy.”
I shake my head, “No. I won’t do that. I want children.”
“You need to do this, Mercy. Maybe you can adopt but if you don’t have the surgery you will die from cancer. Right now, it’s contained in your reproductive organs but if you wait, it will be too late.”
I grip the desk, trying to ground myself, “Maybe if I go to a donor and get pregnant right away it will be alright.”
“Even if you were pregnant now, nine months is a long time for cancer to spread. Mercy, don’t be foolish.”
I stand to leave, “No. I won’t do this.”
Walking out of the building, I’m determined, I’m not going to lose my chance of becoming a mother. I go to the hospital to resign and stop to see Ivy on my way out.
“Hi, Princess.”
She beams, “Mercy, I’m happy you’re here.”
“Can I see your tablet?”
Giving me a strange look, she hands it to me.
“I have to leave for a while. But I want to still be able to talk to you, so I’m adding myself to your kids messenger. We can video chat.”
“Where are you going?” Tears form in her beautiful eyes.
