Page 28 of Mercy
As I walk to Ivy’s room I swipe angrily at the tears on my face. I hate him, how dare he. It’s all about what he wants. He’s never considered what I want, how his actions affect me. I paste a big, fake smile on my face as I walk back into her room.
“Here you can use this to draw on,” I roll the bedside table over her bed.
I hand her the crayons and paper, “Okay my budding artist, show me what you’ve got.”
She giggles, first she takes a black crayon and draws an outline of a man. I watch her quietly, not wanting to disturb her.
Once she draws princesses on his clothes and a stethoscope, I know this is Liam. But he’s holding what seems to be a paper bag.
“What’s in the bag that he’s holding?”
“The cure for cancer.”
I swallow hard, if only he had the cure for cancer. She thinks he hung the moon and the stars, she has so much faith in him. It’s beautiful to witness the purest love this little girl has for such a complicated man. Of course, she doesn’t know the negative side of him like I do. She only knows the doctor that works tirelessly to save as many innocent children as he possibly can.
“Are you going to give this to him? It’s a beautiful picture.”
She nods, “Yes. I hope he likes it.”
Stuffing down my emotions I simply state, “He’s going to love it, I have no doubt.”
“I know he doesn’t really have the cure for cancer,” she says with unshed tears in her eyes.
“I heard your mom was here yesterday.”
“Yeah, it was weird,” she says as she shakes her head like she’s trying to shake something off.
“Weird, how?”
“She’s doing this funeral thing where she can… payments she called it.” The tears fall down her chubby cheeks, “Mercy, what’s the box called that you go in when you die?”
“Box?”
“Yeah, they bury you in it.”
“A casket?”
“Yeah, casket, she made me pick one.”
“Jesus.”
She arches an eyebrow at me, “You are not supposed to say that.”
“I’m so sorry, you’re right, I apologize. It won’t happen again.”
I should never have shown any emotion. It was a simple reaction before I could even think. What kind of person makes a little kid going through chemo pick out their fucking casket? It doesn’t take a degree in social work to know how wrong that is.The more I learn about this woman the more I hate her. The more I worry about Ivy eventually going home with her.
“How did that make you feel?”
She turns away from me, staring at the wall, “Like I’m going to die.”
“That’s how it would make me feel too, I think. But you are not terminal Ivy. We aren’t hiding anything from you. I’m sure, Dr. L will be happy to talk to you about it. Remember what he says about staying positive.”
“Can I ask you something, but you can’t lie?”
“I will never lie to you, sweet girl. Ask me anything.”
“Do you think I am going to die?”
