Page 69 of Reckless (Adventures in Love 3)
“You don’t know anything.”
“You don’t think that I’ve had to deal with my own fucked-up emotions when it comes to family?” She shoves me out of the way so that she can take over making the coffee. “It took Landon forever to even convince me that he actually loved me and even longer for him to prove to me that he wasn’t going to just get up and walk out the door one day.” She looks up at me. “Even now there are days I talk myself into believing that I’m going to get home from work and he’s going to be gone.”
“Landon thinks you walk on water. He’d cut off his own arm before he ever hurt you like that.”
“Yeah, well, from what Tanner tells me, this Jade chick feels the same way about you,” she says, and pain slices through my chest because I know she’s right. “I wish that I could have done a better job protecting you when we were kids, I wish that you never experienced the pain that you did, but I didn’t have control over that.” She shakes her head, looking sad.
“That’s not on you.”
“I know, but I hate that you don’t see that you are deserving of love that is stable.”
“It doesn’t matter if I think that or not; it’s already too late.” I rest against the counter behind me and scrub my hands down my face. “Jade doesn’t trust easily, and there’s no way she’ll believe me if I go crawling back now.”
The truth is I’ve thought about telling Jade that I was being an idiot every minute of every single day since she held out her pinkie to me, but I’ve been a coward.
Over the years I convinced myself that I didn’t want a wife or a child and told myself that shit over and over until I started to believe my own lie.
Then Tanner and Blake found women and started settling down, and slowly the truth started seeping in, which is why I pulled away from them a while back—not because they had what I wanted but only because I never thought I’d find a woman I could trust. I didn’t think it was something in the cards for me.
Then Jade showed up and got under my skin, proving every day the kind of woman she is—loyal, loving, and a fighter—and then, being my own worst enemy, I pushed her away anyway because a woman can’t leave if she never stays to begin with. I was stupid, beyond stupid, really.
“Do you love her?” my sister asks, pouring herself and me cups of coffee, and I don’t even have to think about how I’m going to answer that question.
“Yes.”
“And she wants a family and to be married?” she asks, and I nod.
“How do you feel when you think about her having those things with someone who is not you?” she asks, and my chest aches.
“Murderous,” I tell her honestly, and she grins at me.
“Then, baby brother, you need to fight for her and prove to her that you’re the man I know you are. Win your girl back.”
“You know, I still want to kick you in the nuts,” Margret grumbles from my side as I walk next to her down the sidewalk toward the coffee shop. “The only reason I haven’t done that is because you look like shit, so I know you’re already in pain.”
“Thanks.” I rub my hand down my cheek, wondering if I shouldn’t have cleaned myself up a little before showing up here.
“You’re welcome.” She lets out a long breath. “So what is your grand plan to win Jade back?”
“I don’t have a plan. I’m going to play it by ear.”
“You’re going to play it by ear?” she repeats, grabbing my arm to stop me. “Are you crazy? You broke her heart.” Damn, there is that pain again. Who knew that loving someone meant that it was impossible to hurt them without feeling some kind of pain yourself.
“I’ll figure it out when I see her.”
“I just want to tell you that I don’t think you figuring it out on the fly is a good idea.” She falls back into step with me. “But she loves you, so maybe she’ll be more forgiving for your lack of preparation than I am.”
I smile for the first time in what feels like forever; then my heart starts to pound as we reach the coffee shop. I let out a breath while opening the door for Margret, allowing her to enter before me, and as soon as I step inside, I start to second-guess myself. The place is packed, so whatever happens between Jade and me will be witnessed by dozens of people, some of whom she will have to see every day regardless of how this turns out.
“It’s too late to change your mind now.” Margret pulls me farther inside.
