Page 65 of Reckless (Adventures in Love 3)
He also seemed fine when we got back to our room to go to bed. Like he’s done since the first time we slept together, he held me against him as I fell asleep. The only thing that was different is we didn’t have sex, but then again, I didn’t think we would, since I’m on my period, plus I know he’s not the kind of guy to be annoyed with not getting lucky, since we’ve had a few nights together when we didn’t have sex. I bite my lip, trying to pinpoint what happened, but know in my gut that without asking him, I might not ever know, and it’s obvious that something is bothering him. Figuring asking him is better than shoving open the door and jumping out of the truck, I pull in a deep breath, trying to find the courage to ask him what is going on.
“Are you mad about something?” My question cuts through the silence that has settled over us like a wet blanket for the last hour and a half, and I look over at him, finding his hands wrapped around the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles have turned white.
“I’m not mad, but we should talk,” he says, and my heart sinks. God, how many times have I heard that before? We should talk is always a prelude to This isn’t working, but don’t worry; it’s not you, it’s me.
“Okay.” I wait, holding my breath for what seems like forever. Then he glances over at me, his expression filled with so much pain that I feel it like it’s my own.
“I don’t want to get married or to have kids,” he says softly, but his tone does nothing to lessen the sudden impact of pain I feel in the center of my chest.
“Is there a reason why you don’t want those things?”
“Does there need to be?” He shakes his head, and I want to scream yes, but I don’t. I somehow manage to keep my mouth closed and the tears forming in the back of my throat at bay. “Can you accept that?”
My first instinct is to say yes because if I do, maybe then I will be able to keep him for a little while longer, but the truth is I do want to get married. I want a baby of my own. I want to watch my parents with my son or daughter, and I really want to experience the kind of love that Cybil, Everly, and Margret have found. And I know that if I lie right now, it will only lead to more heartache later on.
“No.” I dig my nails into my palms. “I’m sorry, but no, I can’t accept that.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he whispers while a single tear slides down my cheek. When I see that we are getting close to the center of town, where the coffee shop and the store are, I pick up my bag from the floor, where I rested it near my feet.
“Can you drop me off at the store? I have some work to do there before we open tomorrow.”
“How about I take you home and we talk there,” he suggests, and my insides seize up.
“What is there to talk about? You just told me that you don’t want to get married or have kids.” I wipe away another tear quickly. “And I do want those things.” With you, I leave out. “I don’t think we need to have a conversation about that, unless you want to explain to me why you don’t want a wife and baby someday.” I wait for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t. “Please just drop me off.” I place my hand on the door handle, honestly ready to toss myself bodily from his truck if he refuses.
“I’ll drop you off and take your bag up to Tanner’s,” he says, and I nod, wanting to tell him that I don’t care what he does with my stuff as long as I’m able to escape his truck and the pain that is spreading from the center of my chest outward, making me feel like I’ll crack open at any second.
“Thank you.” I wait until he’s double-parked on the main street between the coffee shop and store, then fling my door open.
“Jade,” he calls, his voice gruff, and I turn to look at him before I hop out. God, even as hurt as I am, I hate seeing pain in his eyes.
“Friends?” I hold out my pinkie, and his eyes drop to my hand between us for a long moment before he wraps his finger tightly around mine. “I’ll see you around.” I swallow down the tears I can feel building, let him go, and get out like his truck is on fire.
And only once I’m inside the store and tucked away in the bathroom do I let myself cry.
