Page 58 of Reckless (Adventures in Love 3)
“You kissed me in front of everyone,” Jade whispers as I start the engine, and I look over at her.
“I did.”
I watch her chew on the inside of her cheek, then let out a deep breath. “They know about us now.”
“They already knew about us.” I pull out of the lot behind Mason. “Or at least Margret and the guys did.”
“You told them?”
“Margret saw me kiss you the first time, and Tanner saw me drive down to your place a few times, so he knew something was up.”
“And Blake?”
“That was Tanner gossiping like a high school prom queen.”
“Wow, so here I am thinking that I have a big secret, and yet everyone already knew.”
“Are you upset they know?”
“No.” She gets quiet, and I look over at her, finding that she is nibbling on her bottom lip. “I just hope that Cybil is not upset that I didn’t tell her when I normally tell her everything.”
“I think she’ll understand.” I reach over and take her hand. “And I gotta tell you, babe, I’m not upset that I don’t have to keep pretending like I don’t want to touch you. Not being able to kiss you or hold you when we’ve been in the same space around our friends has been a special kind of torture.”
“I definitely agree with you about that.” She gives my fingers a squeeze, then wraps her pinkie around mine. “Remember when we promised that we would stay friends or at least friendly if this ends,” she says softly.
“I remember.” I glance over at her, not liking that pain in the center of my chest even one little bit.
“That still stands, right?”
“That still stands, baby. No matter what happens, we’ll be friends.”
“Okay.” She turns to look out the window. As much as I want to push her to tell me what she’s thinking, I don’t, because I have no desire to be her friend. I want to be a whole lot more than that.
Lying awake with Jade curled against my side, her head resting on my chest and her leg over my hip, I stare at the ceiling.
Since I can remember, I’ve done everything to avoid this kind of intimacy with a woman. I’ve kept very strict rules when dating, making sure to always keep my distance and never let a woman close.
Jade is the first woman I let in and wanted more from, and with her it seems even when she gives me more, it’s still not enough. I don’t need a psychologist to tell me that my mom being in and out of my life for years before completely jumping ship fucked me up.
She was young when she and my dad met, just sixteen when she had my sister, and when she got pregnant with me, she and my dad were not even together. She had been in town to see Lizzy and wound up with another child she didn’t really want. And soon after I was born, she dropped me off at my dad’s, and she didn’t show up again until after I was two; then every few years she’d drop by, sometimes for just a few days, others for months at a time. I loved having her around. She was fun, beautiful, and for short bursts of time, she made it seem like we had the perfect family. Then she’d leave, and we’d all crash from the high and end up moving to a new place, which was probably my dad’s way of trying to start over. It was a fucked-up roller coaster for everyone, especially for me as a little kid.
It wasn’t until I was around thirteen that I realized how wrong what she was doing was, but I didn’t have a say, and my dad would never cut her off. He loved her, and I imagine he still does, even if he’s never said it. Then again, actions speak louder than words, and him never having another relationship is loud as fuck. Me? I cut her off when I was nineteen, the first and last time she showed up at where I was stationed and asked to stay for a few days, only to take the cash I had been saving up for a house and leave without so much as a fuck you. Lizzy, on the other hand, has let our mother float in and out of her life, claiming that she wants the boys to know their grandmother. She’s made of stronger stuff than I am.
Coming out of my head when Jade’s cell starts to ring on the nightstand, I listen to her groan right before her hand moves to my stomach and she pushes up, moving her hair out of her face.
“Morning.” I smile, and she narrows her eyes on mine.
“It’s really not fair that you look like you do in the morning when I’m sure I look like I got hit by a car,” she says.
