Page 62 of P.S. It’s Always Been You
It sounds like Eureka!
She finds a latch and flicks it open.
Inside are pages upon pages, folded over, and my excitement gleams like a ruby.
26
October 1921
* * *
My Dearest Greta,
* * *
Today was my last day of school! Who knew that a scrappy street rat such as myself could finish his education after all? But I did, and I have the diploma to prove it. This once penniless knife-thrower is now a college graduate with a degree in banking.
* * *
Actually, there are no degrees in banking, of course. But my degree in math should come in handy, and the dean said he was impressed with how quickly I finished all my courses. He said, “I’ve never seen someone finish three years of college in thirteen months.” Don’t underestimate the power of motivation or the love of a good woman.
* * *
You, my love, you are my motivation. You are my dream. I may not be under the big top anymore, but I have something better. Something that can take us away from it all, something to give us a future.
* * *
Wish me luck as I embark on a job search to be—I still can’t even believe I’m writing this—a banker.
* * *
It sounds like someone else’s life. Someone else’s story.
* * *
But enough about me.
* * *
Tell me everything. How are you managing? Jack has asked Tommy to look out for you, and I know he’s been doing so. It’s so good to have a Strong Man on our side. But even so, I worry about you every second of every day, working for that unsavory man.
* * *
Soon, soon, I will save you from it all, from Baron Z, and we will take care of your family and your sister.
* * *
I love you so very much, and more every day.
* * *
Yours,
Edward Wilkinson
(Formerly known as The Silver Blade . . . hoping someday soon to be reunited with the Pink Ribbon Girl. Until then, please know I am always thinking of you.)
October 1921
* * *
My Darling Edward,
* * *
Don’t worry about me. I am doing fine! I played to packed crowds in Boise last night, and now we are on a train heading to California. I’ve always loved California, for it reminds me of you and where we met.
* * *
The crowds should be fantastic in San Francisco. They do love a daring act in the City by the Bay!
* * *
But of course, none of it is the same without you. How could it be? You and I had a special connection, a chemistry that the new ringmaster simply cannot replicate. He has not hurt me, not with the knife, nor in any other way. He’s not that kind of owner.
* * *
He does, however, keep our paychecks and doles them out as he sees fit, giving us smaller amounts as he sends the rest home to our families.
* * *
But I do not think Claudia is getting everything, and I still don’t have enough to take care of her on my own yet. He took my bracelet. The one that was my brother’s. He says he is safeguarding it for me. That he will return it once I am able to pay off all of my family’s bills.
* * *
I don’t believe him, and I want it back. Beanie must hold my arms tight behind me some nights when I am tempted to go into his trailer and snatch it away from him. She wrestles me from my own teeth-gnashing desire to kick down his door and take the only thing left that’s my brother’s.
* * *
I huff and sigh and then walk off. Someday I’ll call it mine again.
* * *
Except for Baron’s Crew—that’s how we refer to the little coterie of performers he brought in himself—everyone here is in the same position as I. We all have family who rely on us, only us, and so we must stay.
* * *
Poor Tommy. His mother’s health is worsening, and Tommy needs the money to pay for her doctors. Beanie’s father is struggling after injuring his leg, and he can no longer perform trapeze either.
* * *
But enough about all the troubles.
* * *
There is good news! Claudia has finished her studies, and I’ve managed to send her to nursing school, so that is something. I’m so proud of her—her brain will take her far, as long as I can get her through school. Maybe someday we will find a good man for my sister, someone who will love her and care for her, so she doesn’t feel all the burden. Soon, soon, I will have enough money saved to finish paying off my family’s debts. It will be fine! I swear. I’m a determined woman.
* * *
I try not to let it bother me that I must work with Baron (We call him the Mustard Mustache because one day he had mustard in it, and we chose not to tell him! We were so delighted with our cleverness as he performed with a yellow glob on his prized possession.) I try to pretend he’s not the one throwing knives at my face.
