Page 48 of P.S. It’s Always Been You
* * *
The heart I couldn’t live without.
* * *
I still can’t.
* * *
I still feel like half my heart is gone with you.
* * *
Does it feel that way for you?
* * *
When I get lost in the ache, I close my eyes, and I imagine we reunite. Under a new sky, another big top . . . somewhere.
* * *
We were quite the act, weren’t we? Dazzling crowds, cheating death, growing ever more daring every night, every week. We had to be more fascinating than monkeys and elephants! We moved beyond simple knife throwing. You put me on the wheel of death, and you spun me round, throwing your blades as the wheel spun faster, then faster still. And never, not once, did you miss.
* * *
Some nights as I circled upside down before those crowds and they cheered, gasped, and held their collective breath, I’d wonder if this would be the night when you stabbed me by mistake. But all I would think was he loves me too much to miss.
* * *
You never missed.
* * *
But now, now I do. I miss you terribly and awfully, and I fear I will never see you again.
* * *
Love,
Your Greta
21
Presley
This is like cracking open a delicious book and sneaking a peek at a chapter in the middle. A chapter you can’t turn away from, as the hero pines terrifically for the love of his life, aching in his very soul for her. It’s poking your head into the theater and catching a glimpse of Scarlett and Rhett in the middle of the movie, a sliver of an epic love story that hasn’t yet played out.
To learn they met in the circus, a place of dreams, a site for escape, is a fluttering kind of thrill.
I’ve become that gif of the woman fainting to the floor, collapsing in a black-and-white fit of swoons.
This is nothing like Corey Kruger’s love letter.
This is something to cherish.
When I meet Hunter’s eyes, his flicker with so much curiosity, so much excitement. I see that spark of adventure in them, a hunger to discover. “Seems Edward had some secrets,” he says, in the understatement of the century.
“The man was a knife-thrower. Who knew?” I say, still amazed.
“And who knew that she was his target? They kept this part of their history off the record for some reason,” Hunter says. “Why would they do that?”
“I have no idea,” I say. “But this background? It fits, if you think about it. A man driven by adventure, exploration, and love? A man who takes risks? A woman who encourages him, who speaks up, who speaks her mind? Yes. Yes! Of course, in retrospect, it’s perfect. Of course this adventurer would meet the love of his life in a traveling circus, only to be torn apart from her.” I clasp my hand to my chest.
“But somehow, he found his way back,” Hunter says.
From a handful of letters written a century ago, I can picture the young lovers, like their story is playing out in a flickering, old-time film. One reel snaps to the next. The daring man, the brave woman.
What drove them apart? What brought them back together? And most of all, why did they leave these letters for their children? Was it a game?
Hunter scrubs a hand over his jaw, his voice deadpan. “I guess the toy collection makes a little more sense now.”
I punch his arm. “I told you the collection would matter.” I count off on my fingers. “Monkey, elephant, pink ribbon. It’s all their history. Was it his friend’s circus? He said he learned to throw from Jack.”
Hunter gestures wildly like a madman to the letter still in my hand. “Don’t leave me hanging, woman.”
Unfolding the last one, I read it aloud.
* * *
Dear Children,
* * *
You found the place near and dear to our hearts! Brilliant! But do you know why the Lost City of the Sun means so much to us?
* * *
Maybe you are starting to figure it out.
* * *
We can tell you, or you can come along for the rest of the story.
* * *
What happens next, you may be wondering?
* * *
What happened when The Most Amazing Big Top under the Sun was sold to Baron Z’s Fantastical Showcase, and your mother went to one side of the country and your father was left jobless? What became of us? What would become of you?
* * *
The next part of the tale might require you to find a curiosity near the boards with the greatest of ease.
* * *
You know where all the best ones are in a particular district.
* * *
Love,
E & G, most affectionately known as Mom and Dad
* * *
Brow knitted, I try to work the clues as I snap a photo of the letter. “Was The Most Amazing Big Top under the Sun actually the Caribaldi Extravaganza when they met? I wonder if his friend’s family sold the circus to this company or something? To this Baron Z?”
