Page 91 of Perfect Distraction
His harsh tone didn’t go unnoticed, and Lauren’s smile faded. Logan watched him warily, while Jeni scowled and shook her head.
“Um, sure,” Lauren said quietly. She grabbed her purse from the bar and waved goodbye.
Andrew walked too fast for her to keep up, but he didn’t slow.
She reached for his hand and tugged. “Slow down.”
He pushed the door open and scanned the lot for her car. He pulled his hand from her grasp, trying not to let her hurt expression get to him.
“Where are we going?” she asked, starting the car.
“Just take me home,” he bit out.
Lauren eyed him sideways but didn’t argue, and they drove to his apartment in charged silence. When she pulled into a parking space and turned off the car, she reached for the door handle.
He shook his head. “I’m good. You don’t have to come in. You can go back to the bar and hang out with Logan.” He didn’t look at her.
A small part of his brain told him he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t stop himself. He got out of the car and slammed the door, not looking back as he took long strides to the stairwell. He heard her get out and run up the steps behind him. He increased his pace, but she caught up when he stopped to unlock the door.
She pushed past him into his apartment, throwing her purse onto the coffee table.
“Andrew, what’s wrong? Why would you say something like that?”
“You looked pretty cozy at the bar with Logan.” His breath came heavy, from virtually running up three flights of stairs and from the weight sitting on his chest. “I thought maybe you’d like to spend more time with him. See if it could go anywhere. You were interested in him once before, after all. I’m the one who forced your hand in my direction.”
Lauren’s mouth dropped open, her green eyes flashing with anger. “We were talking about you. He was telling me a story about the two of you being stupid on some guy’s night out. I was never interested in Logan. I didn’t give him my number that night, Emma did. She gave it to him, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by taking it back. I figured I could at least give him a chance. But then it turned out to be you, and do you know what I felt? Relief. Relief and joy. You’ve always been the one I wanted, Andrew. From the moment I saw you.”
He wanted to believe her, to believe the words she said were true. But how could they be? He was sick and broken and wasting away. What woman wants this?
No. She was just trying to make him feel better. Chemo had ravaged his body, and now he had to take more of it. Overwhelmed with anger and sadness, he reached one hand behind his neck and tore his shirt over his head, tossing it on the couch.
“Look at me,” he said harshly. In a jerky motion, he waved a hand from his head and down his torso. “How can you be attracted to this? I’m bald, I’m as pale as that vampire kid my sisters used to be obsessed with, and I’ve lost thirty pounds. Nothing about me is the same. Dammit, I hardly even feel like a man.”
Lauren stared at him, her bright eyes devouring him. “Are you serious? You’re honestly asking me how I could be attracted to you?”
Andrew just looked at her, feeling exposed and resentful. He’d never wanted to be proved wrong so much in his life.
“Do you want to know the things I first noticed about you?” She paused, and he wasn’t sure if she actually expected him to answer. He didn’t, and she continued on. “I noticed you were tall, I thought at least a foot taller than me. I’ve always had a thing for exceptionally tall men. I noticed that you had warm, kind brown eyes. I noticed your lips and your big, masculine hands.”
He swallowed, clenching those hands into fists by his side.
“Yes, I noticed your hair, because you had beautiful, thick, brown hair that looked like it would be soft to the touch. But you know what? You also look ridiculously hot when you wear those beanies, and even better when you’re not wearing one because you’ve given it to a little girl with cancer to make her happy. Jasmine wears that stupid hat every single day, did you know that? I’m getting off target, because that gets into how much I adore the person you are inside, but that’s not what you’re asking about, is it?”
He didn’t answer that question, either.
“The first day I laid eyes on you, I thought you were the sexiest man I’d ever seen. You’re still the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. None of that has changed, except the fact that I’m no longer satisfied just noticing those things about you. I don’t want to only be attracted to you, I want to be wrapped up in you. I want your huge body towering over me as you put your arms around me. Your eyes looking at me and seeing me for who I am. I want your hands touching me, caressing me.” Her voice became a whisper and she swayed toward him, and everything in him wanted to believe her, that she wanted him, even now.
His heart pounded against his ribcage, and he noticed her own chest moving up and down with unsteady breaths. He remained in place, desperate to touch her but worried he’d upset her with his outburst.
She took two steps in his direction, placing her hand on the smooth, hairless skin of his chest. The feel of her warm touch was everything he needed right then, and a tremor ran through him.
“I want your lips on mine,” she whispered. “All the time.”
His gaze collided with hers, and he couldn’t have looked away even if the room caught fire.
It felt as if he needed her like the very air he breathed.
He touched her face with his left hand, sliding his palm across her cool cheek. His fingers threaded through her hair, and she shivered. Two thoughts ran through his mind as he lowered his head: how badly he wanted her, and how even though he didn’t deserve her, he couldn’t live without her.
