Page 100 of The Shade of Things
“Before she could hurt anyone she loved,” I said softly.
“She’d done that already,” he said.
I leaned over to him. “Laurent, you can’t blame her for dying. Or for not telling you she was enthralled when you had no way to save her at that point. You didn’t have Banim Shovavim magic then.”
“You don’t understand.” He withdrew his hand, and I folded mine together, feeling the loss of his touch. “I don’t mean me.” He bit his lip. “Delphine was pregnant.”
Rarely have I been stunned into silence. I stared at the ground with my elbows resting on my thighs. My mind was a jumble of thoughts.
Some dam had broken inside Laurent, and he didn’t stop speaking. They’d found out after her death that Delphine was two months pregnant. The pack healer said Delphine had come to him to confirm it a month ago, but she was waiting until she was three months to tell her husband because they’d had trouble conceiving.
No wonder he treated secrets like betrayals, even ones like my parents’, which didn’t directly affect him. It all reminded him of the hurt that he’d suffered years back, hurt that he couldn’t bear to see others go through.
“I’m so sorry.” The words were so inadequate, but he nodded in understanding.
“This wasn’t why I asked you here either.” He muttered under his breath in annoyed French. “I told you I was jumbled after the game. That I’d seen visions.” He paused. “I saw Delphine.”
I exhaled a soft curse.
“She was under the oak tree, asking me to join her. All I had to do was take her hand.”
I whistled, shaking my head. Eli and I had experienced random darkness, still evil and terrifying but hardly tailored to our inner demons. It was curious, Emmett’s combination of Ohrist magic, which animated him, and the Banim Shovavim necromancy magic for his divinations allowed him to skip the insane train the rest of us had been forced onto in the gym, yet Laurent’s combination of those powers meant things hit him harder and more personally. “I’m sorry you had to relive that.”
“When you saved me from the dybbuk, I still hadn’t shaken off her voice. I thought I’d forgotten the sound of it,” he added quietly. “I wasn’t sure what was real. Or what I longed to be real.”
This entire visit had gotten a lot heavier than I’d expected. I was used to Laurent deflecting and hiding, not brutal honesty and vulnerability.
“Now?” I said.
“I can’t stop thinking about the game.”
“You’re not alone.”
“It was just so fucking pointless what they were doing to Sapiens. Then Isla of all people being there?” He shook his head. “After I left the pack, her husband was killed in the ensuing power struggle. She told me that when we first spoke and even then, it never occurred to me that she’d betray us.” He laughed bitterly. “Me. The most suspicious person ever and I didn’t see that one coming. It hit me hard.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Not for the reason you think.” He took my hand, gazing into my eyes. “I believed in someone who didn’t deserve my faith and lied to someone who did.”
I looked down at our joined hands. “What do you mean?”
“You burst into my life and pushed and pushed and infuriated me. Honestly, you were quite the bully.”
“Please.” I fanned myself. “You’re making me dizzy with praise.”
He booped the end of my nose. “You are very sarcastic and still I am happier around you than I’ve been in a long time. I don’t just want to be your friend, and if it’s too little too late, then I’ll pretend to understand, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance. Let me take you out.”
“On a date?” I said stupidly.
“Yes, Mitzi. Would you please go on a date with me?”
It was emotional whiplash. Everything I’d yearned to hear him say and yet here it was, under the worst possible circumstances. “You’re in shock from the visions and Isla,” I said. “You were forced to relive an unimaginable grief and I totally get grasping at something to feel alive, to understand what’s real, but I can’t be that for you.”
“That’s not why—” He raked a hand through his hair. “I wanted you to know. How I felt about you.”
“I don’t believe you, not when you made it clear that dating me was the last thing you desired.”
“You’re wrong,” he said quietly. “It was everything I desired. And that scared the shit out of me because I’d excelled at making sure I never felt too deeply about anyone again.”
