Page 55 of A Shade of Myself
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After a nice,easy warm-up, which gave me hope that we’d ease into this torture session, Laurent broke into what he deemed a slow jog. His pace seemed all right at first, but after ten minutes, I was wheezing. Sadie wasn’t even winded, happily carrying on a detailed monologue about the different musical theater roles she’d love to play, starting with her A-list.
Laurent looked shell-shocked that any one person could speak for that long without ceasing, which brought me great joy.
I fell farther and farther behind until they rounded a corner, at which point I slowed to a walk. A brisk walk. Ish. Why hadn’t I brought water? Even at 7AM this heat wave was kicking my ass.
When I turned the corner, Laurent and Sadie were sitting on someone’s lawn waiting for me. Sadie was still talking, gesturing excitedly as she explained the difference between two of her third-tier choices.
Laurent’s eyes were glazed, but he managed weak nods every so often. Ha.
Sadie bounded to her feet. “Sprints now, right?”
“Please, God, no,” I said.
She ignored me. “Where do you want us to run to?”
“Sprint to that brick apartment building and back,” Laurent said, pointing. “I’ll time you.”
“That’s like ten blocks,” I protested.
“It’s three blocks away. Don’t be a baby, Mom.” Sadie crouched down in a sprinter’s start. “Me first.”
“By all means,” I said.
Laurent pulled out his phone and started the stopwatch. “Go.”
She bolted.
He watched her complete the first block. “Good form. Fast. She’s a natural. Is her father a runner?”
“Yeah. Eli ran track in high school and university while I specialized in coffee shop sitting. Luckily, she takes after him in this regard.”
“She’s like you in more ways than one.”
I fanned myself, moving under a tree to seek out some shade. “Her ability to talk nonstop?”
“That too.” Laurent checked the stopwatch. “She had lists of different musical theater success scenarios, but she also told me about her university plans because it’s smart to have a plan B. And she isn’t deterred by the odds of achieving her goals. Like you.”
Sadie tagged the front walk of the apartment building with her foot and turned around.
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I said.
“It is. But just like you, under all the lists and smart backup plans is the pure rush of living on the edge,” he said. “You buried it for a long time, but you’re addicted to that feeling now, compounded by a noble cause. It’s why I do what I do. Same with your ex, Nav, and Tatiana.”
My daughter raced toward us with a flat-out pedal-to-the-metal enthusiasm.
“Yeah, well, Sadie isn’t fighting evil. And since when are you Mr. Chatty? Remember how wonderfully grumpy and untalkative you used to be?”
“You made it too easy to talk to you. That’s on you.” Laurent grinned and I made a snarky face in return. “As for Sadie, she wants to entertain people. That’s its own noble cause.” He shook his head. “That belief coupled with the desire to do whatever it takes and the thrill of living an exciting life leads people to engage in more extreme actions to achieve their goals.” Laurent paused, dropping his eyes to the stopwatch. “To feel alive.”
With one block left, Sadie was starting to slow. I was about to point out that like me, she was levelheaded enough to make smart choices, when she amped up her speed, pumping her arms and legs as fast as she could, her braids flying out behind her. She ran across the residential street and jumped the curb, but her foot caught, and she crashed to the pavement.
“Sadie!” I bolted for her, my heart in my throat at her stillness, but she jumped up, blood trickling down her leg.
“All good!” she cried and resumed her run.
I returned to Laurent, one hand on my chest as I took deep breaths to come down from the rush of adrenaline.
