Page 103 of A Shade of Myself
“No!” I grabbed her forelegs. “He’s not worth it. Believe me. Don’t waste more time on him. You deserve someone who wants you back.”
I struggled to drag in a breath because she was crushing me, but she was also silent and still, processing what I’d said.
Giulia dipped her head close, and I tensed for the bite of her fangs, but her raspy tongue swiped over my wounds, healing them. She pounced off me and I carefully sat up. “Miriam is right. You’re incapable of love.”
Laurent flinched almost imperceptibly, but he shrugged as if he didn’t care. “I don’t have time for that bullshit.”
“Let me guess,” she sneered. “You came tonight because you want help finding a dybbuk. Always with the dybbuks.”
“No,” Laurent said. “Not a dybbuk. It’s—”
“Basta!” She made a slicing motion with a paw. “No more.”
She crouched, about to spring back to the rooftop, but at my cry of “Wait” looked at me. This proud, strong gargoyle looked shattered enough that one gust of wind could knock her over. I’d done that. I could justify my actions all I wanted—that I was defending myself, that her obsession with Laurent was entirely unrealistic and one-sided—but I’d destroyed her hope.
For all of Giulia’s deadly nature, she had this innocent dream where she and Laurent could find love, and I’d taken that from her. Not to mention that I’d lied to her when I’d last visited, pretending to be an ally when I wanted him for myself. I’d never thought I’d be that woman and I didn’t like that side of myself.
I made a lot of big pronouncements about the importance of truth but when push came to shove, I hadn’t walked the walk.
I crouched down next to her. “Will you be all right?”
She gazed up at me haughtily. “Certo.”
“Still, I’m sorry,” I said softly.
She glanced back at Laurent, and when her eyes once more met mine, they were cloudy with the sorrow of stripped innocence—or maybe the heavy burden of knowledge.
I rubbed my arms.
Giulia nudged me gently under the chin with the top of her head. “We both know he’s worth it, bella,” she said quietly. “But it doesn’t make what you said any less true.”
With that, she pivoted sharply and in one fluid leap, soared high overhead back to the roof, watching the city.
Laurent and I walked back to the car in silence.
“I’ll take you home,” I said once I’d strapped in. “I can wait until either Harry or Tatiana get back to ask about the Ascendant.”
“Miriam.” He paused.
It took me two attempts to fit my key in the ignition. “She really would have killed me.”
He didn’t deny it. In fact, he didn’t say anything. Was he angry? I felt too hollowed out to do more than utter a perfunctory apology. “I’m sorry if I ruined things between you and Giulia.”
“She’ll come around.” He shook his head, clicking in his seat belt. “It’s not that.”
“Then what?” I checked my side mirror and pulled out of the parking spot, heading back to Hotel Terminus.
Block after block I waited for him to speak up.
“Say something,” I said. “You’re making me nervous.”
“Asking me on a date. You just said that as part of the act, right?”
My stomach twisted because I didn’t know how to answer. Should I give him the truth now and expose myself or lie? I mentally slapped myself upside the head. How quickly I was ready to lie again. Come on, Feldman, have a shred of backbone.
“You don’t want that, do you?” He twisted in his seat so he could lean toward me. There was no hopeful lilt in his voice, more a tense strain. “A date would be—”
I forced a tinkly laugh. “Right? Can you imagine? What would we do, fit in some intimate little restaurant with checkered tablecloths between vampire kills? Go for a long walk on the beach at dawn?” I made a buzzer noise. “Not during the Danger Zone. I’ve already had one date end with dybbuk possession. I’m good, thanks.”
